Struggling with communicating with this girl (23F) I (23M) am dating

Hi everyone,

So I've been talking to/dating this girl dating for just over 2 months now. We initially texted for like 2 weeks (met on Tinder), and since have had 8 dates (4 in person, 4 virtual due to COVID19). We've got one due tomorrow night as well.

My issue is communication. I've usually dated girls who pretty much text back instantly or within reasonable time frames (couple of hours). When I started talking to this girl, we were talking in paragraphs of 1500+ characters. We usually texted once a day before we met, then a couple of times a day after our first date. This was still in paragraphs, but not as long (anywhere between 400-1000 characters).

For background, this girl is quite inexperienced/shy and has never had a boyfriend. A few dates ago, we had a bit of a DNM over the phone, where she admitted that she's a closed book, and its a defence mechanism since she doesn't want to be vulnerable. It made a lot more sense as to her responses, because I would mention things like "I like you" to which she would text back "I like this" and so on. But she clarified that she liked me, and even recently, we've been talking about what the ideal date will be once this whole virus thing blows over (until then, we're keeping it virtual). Further, she ended up adding me on Instagram a few weeks ago (she found me somehow), I then added her on Facebook the following week, and later on we even got each other on Snapchat. We talk about coupley things/watching movies together/doing things together post-quarantine etc.

Now I've noticed quite a trend. When I'm on a date with this girl, it feels perfect. We laugh, joke and feel comfortable. But the moment we go away from the date, quite simply put, it feels like she does not like me? This is on the basis that sometimes I don't feel like a priority at all. Now the day after the date, she texted me back every couple of hours (3-4 hrs), whereas yesterday, I only received 1 text during the whole day, where she did apologise saying it was a big day etc. Although I noticed she was on instagram pretty much all day?

Long story short, she seems engaged and interested when I'm with her, but when we're texting, it seems like she's just not interested? Deep down though, I just am fearful. I know she likes me, but I worry, overthink and overanalyse.

Is this just expectation setting? We did acknowledge briefly that the long texts are nice and take effort to reply, but we didn't establish whether we should go shorter on them. The thing is, I'm happy to keep texts short or even say hey lets keep texting minimal until our dates, but its just that its so uncertain, that after every text I send and dont get a response for a full day, I feel like I said something wrong?

Current example: I texted her back within an hour last night (I dont want to play games), and she was on Instagram for the rest of the night, and even this morning, but hasn't replied?

I think my issue is that I'm getting tired of leading everything. I have initiated all of our dates, she's probably organised a few etc. She does do a good job at keeping our conversations going, but just 1 day of her blowing me off throws my brain into a spin.

What should I do?

Submitted April 07, 2020 at 11:51PM

Hi everyone,So I've been talking to/dating this girl dating for just over 2 months now. We initially texted for like 2 weeks (met on Tinder), and since have had 8 dates (4 in person, 4 virtual due to COVID19). We've got one due tomorrow night as well.My issue is communication. I've usually dated girls who pretty much text back instantly or within reasonable time frames (couple of hours). When I started talking to this girl, we were talking in paragraphs of 1500+ characters. We usually texted once a day before we met, then a couple of times a day after our first date. This was still in paragraphs, but not as long (anywhere between 400-1000 characters).For background, this girl is quite inexperienced/shy and has never had a boyfriend. A few dates ago, we had a bit of a DNM over the phone, where she admitted that she's a closed book, and its a defence mechanism since she doesn't want to be vulnerable. It made a lot more sense as to her responses, because I would mention things like "I like you" to which she would text back "I like this" and so on. But she clarified that she liked me, and even recently, we've been talking about what the ideal date will be once this whole virus thing blows over (until then, we're keeping it virtual). Further, she ended up adding me on Instagram a few weeks ago (she found me somehow), I then added her on Facebook the following week, and later on we even got each other on Snapchat. We talk about coupley things/watching movies together/doing things together post-quarantine etc.Now I've noticed quite a trend. When I'm on a date with this girl, it feels perfect. We laugh, joke and feel comfortable. But the moment we go away from the date, quite simply put, it feels like she does not like me? This is on the basis that sometimes I don't feel like a priority at all. Now the day after the date, she texted me back every couple of hours (3-4 hrs), whereas yesterday, I only received 1 text during the whole day, where she did apologise saying it was a big day etc. Although I noticed she was on instagram pretty much all day?Long story short, she seems engaged and interested when I'm with her, but when we're texting, it seems like she's just not interested? Deep down though, I just am fearful. I know she likes me, but I worry, overthink and overanalyse.Is this just expectation setting? We did acknowledge briefly that the long texts are nice and take effort to reply, but we didn't establish whether we should go shorter on them. The thing is, I'm happy to keep texts short or even say hey lets keep texting minimal until our dates, but its just that its so uncertain, that after every text I send and dont get a response for a full day, I feel like I said something wrong?Current example: I texted her back within an hour last night (I dont want to play games), and she was on Instagram for the rest of the night, and even this morning, but hasn't replied?I think my issue is that I'm getting tired of leading everything. I have initiated all of our dates, she's probably organised a few etc. She does do a good job at keeping our conversations going, but just 1 day of her blowing me off throws my brain into a spin.What should I do?