Complicated Friendship

Have you ever had a friend that you didn’t necessarily see in a romantic way but you also care about in a deeper way than friendship?

I (30s F) have a friend (30s M) who I have known for about 6 years and when we weren’t dating anyone else, we would spend a lot of time together as friends and it was just platonic. It was such a confidence booster and comfort to have a good male friend who would be a sounding board to me and was just a good friend in general.

When I got into a relationship, I put that friendship on the back burner to be respectful to my partner at the time but I kept in touch with hi frequently. And when I became single, he got into a relationship and put our friendship on the back burner which I very much understood. We didn’t keep in touch nearly as much during that first year of his relationship but now, in the last year or so, we have definitely connected as friends more than ever. We don’t get to see each other very often but we text regularly. I have met his girlfriend and we are cordial to each other but I know she isn’t a big fan of our friendship. They have been together for about 3 years now and live together so he is very much committed to her.

I have dated on and off during this time but nothing has stuck which has been hard but not as hard as it would be if I didn’t have my friendship with him. We rarely go a day without texting and sometimes will text for hours at night. It’s never been anything flirty but in some way- it feels like it’s been a bit of a crutch especially now since dating is really impossible.

I know there aren’t romantic feelings there but I would be really sad if our friendship became an issue in his relationship and we couldn’t talk anymore.

Had anyone else been in this scenario? Did it ever become a problem with that friend’s significant other? How did it work out?



Submitted April 08, 2020 at 12:02AM

Have you ever had a friend that you didn’t necessarily see in a romantic way but you also care about in a deeper way than friendship?I (30s F) have a friend (30s M) who I have known for about 6 years and when we weren’t dating anyone else, we would spend a lot of time together as friends and it was just platonic. It was such a confidence booster and comfort to have a good male friend who would be a sounding board to me and was just a good friend in general.When I got into a relationship, I put that friendship on the back burner to be respectful to my partner at the time but I kept in touch with hi frequently. And when I became single, he got into a relationship and put our friendship on the back burner which I very much understood. We didn’t keep in touch nearly as much during that first year of his relationship but now, in the last year or so, we have definitely connected as friends more than ever. We don’t get to see each other very often but we text regularly. I have met his girlfriend and we are cordial to each other but I know she isn’t a big fan of our friendship. They have been together for about 3 years now and live together so he is very much committed to her.I have dated on and off during this time but nothing has stuck which has been hard but not as hard as it would be if I didn’t have my friendship with him. We rarely go a day without texting and sometimes will text for hours at night. It’s never been anything flirty but in some way- it feels like it’s been a bit of a crutch especially now since dating is really impossible.I know there aren’t romantic feelings there but I would be really sad if our friendship became an issue in his relationship and we couldn’t talk anymore.Had anyone else been in this scenario? Did it ever become a problem with that friend’s significant other? How did it work out?
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