Is it possible he could be a good partner in a bit more time? Or should I just give up completely?

My friend set me (F35) up with a really great guy (M39) about 10 months ago. He’s a great guy but his life was in upheaval after a rough divorce. He was not in any place to be dating but had no idea. For example, he brought me a book by one of my favorite authors and he put hawk feathers and incense in the binding on our first date. Totally my kind of thing. Then his card got declined for entry into our local botanical garden and had to call his ex wife to transfer money into his account for dinner. After almost three weeks of similar situations, I told him very nicely that I’m not sure he was in a position to be dating yet and that I really wanted to be friends. He was angry with me at first but he ended up going back to his ex wife and it ended terribly...again. He eventually said I was right and hopes we can try again down the line.

I had to have surgery four weeks ago and my friends were organizing a meal train (before Covid-19 hit my state). He shared the post and wrote this about me on his post: “One of the brightest and most beautiful souls I've had the privilege of meeting. With everything that she is going through she still manages to paint the world around her with vibrancy, laughter and love. She dances her face off. Laughs her ass off. And pours her heart out.”

I just saw it and it is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said about me. He visited me in the hospital after my surgery and was really sweet. He slept in the chair next to me one night and held my hand when I was in a lot of pain. But he had to leave abruptly in the morning because of his ex wife. Something about not giving her the “power.” This made me think he’s probably still not ready to be dating. Or things are still too unstable in his life for me to want to try again. Definitely better than before but still far from stable.

I’m not going to wait around for him or anything but I’m wondering if he may be a good partner with more time or if he is just not a very stable person in general.



Submitted April 08, 2020 at 12:03AM

My friend set me (F35) up with a really great guy (M39) about 10 months ago. He’s a great guy but his life was in upheaval after a rough divorce. He was not in any place to be dating but had no idea. For example, he brought me a book by one of my favorite authors and he put hawk feathers and incense in the binding on our first date. Totally my kind of thing. Then his card got declined for entry into our local botanical garden and had to call his ex wife to transfer money into his account for dinner. After almost three weeks of similar situations, I told him very nicely that I’m not sure he was in a position to be dating yet and that I really wanted to be friends. He was angry with me at first but he ended up going back to his ex wife and it ended terribly...again. He eventually said I was right and hopes we can try again down the line.I had to have surgery four weeks ago and my friends were organizing a meal train (before Covid-19 hit my state). He shared the post and wrote this about me on his post: “One of the brightest and most beautiful souls I've had the privilege of meeting. With everything that she is going through she still manages to paint the world around her with vibrancy, laughter and love. She dances her face off. Laughs her ass off. And pours her heart out.”I just saw it and it is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said about me. He visited me in the hospital after my surgery and was really sweet. He slept in the chair next to me one night and held my hand when I was in a lot of pain. But he had to leave abruptly in the morning because of his ex wife. Something about not giving her the “power.” This made me think he’s probably still not ready to be dating. Or things are still too unstable in his life for me to want to try again. Definitely better than before but still far from stable.I’m not going to wait around for him or anything but I’m wondering if he may be a good partner with more time or if he is just not a very stable person in general.
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