I can't tell if there's genuine interest.

TL;DR: Been talking to & hanging out with a friend for several months. I stay over at his apartment, we've had sex twice now, we talk for hours and hours every time, but he's inconsistent with his messaging when we're apart. Have no idea how he feels.

I (30F) have been talking to a friend (30M) for about 5 months now. We've known each other for about 10 years and have hung out in the past in groups, but not very often. We've always kind of been flirty with each other.

After some interesting events in my life, I reached out and we've been messaging each other almost daily since the middle of November. He's a bit inconsistent with his messaging, sometimes it will be 1-2 messages a day, sometimes one message every 1-3 days, and when we are making plans for that day or the next, he's very responsive and we'll go back and forth fairly quickly to establish plans/times/whatever.

Since we've started talking regularly, we've hung out 4 times now, all alone. We're both pretty busy right now and I haven't wanted to push things so it's been a slow build. I always go to his apartment and we just hang out and talk for hours. The first time I went over there, I hadn't seen him in maybe 2 years so we had a ton to catch up on, then just talked about all kinds of stuff (religion, politics, science, friends, etc). We ended up talking for 9 hours straight with zero distractions, and he ended up kissing me at the end of the night. I stayed at his place that night and went home the next day after talking some more.

The other times we've hung out have basically been the same. I come over, we talk for hours, and I sleep over every time. There was never any discussion about sleeping over, it just kind of seems assumed at this point that this is what we do. The third time we hung out (last month), we ended up talking, watching a movie, talking in bed some more, then having sex. It felt totally normal to me, not weird or awkward.

This past weekend, I went over there again. We talked for an hour or two, binge watched a Netflix series, went to bed and talked for another two hours, then had sex again. This time, he pulled me into a spooning position first, while we talked, and initiated sex maybe 15-20 minutes into that. Afterward, we stayed in that position and spooned/cuddled and talked for another 20 minutes or so before he fell asleep. He woke up about 20 mins after that to pee and got out of the cuddling/spooning position and we slept normally the rest of the night. That was Friday night - typically, I'd go home on Saturday afternoon, but we just kept talking. I told him very clearly that he was welcome to kick me out whenever, and he just said "oh it's fine" and never said anything. He ended up leaving me alone at his apartment so he could run to the grocery store to make dinner, came back, we watched a movie, talked a ton more, and by the time we were done it was 3am, so I stayed a second night. He had some stuff to do Sunday so he left me sleeping there alone and I left while he was still gone. I figured he'd wake me up when he was leaving so we'd leave together, but apparently he was comfortable enough leaving me there by myself.

Almost two weeks ago, I finally told him straight up that I really liked him and that I had for a while, so he's very aware of how I feel. I had said something about how from the lack of his responses lately, I wasn't sure if he was on the same page. His response was "no, I love hanging out and talking. I want to hang out again whenever you want. We need to soon." So that was when we made the plans for this past weekend. He didn't say anything about how he felt, what we were doing with this whole thing, etc. He did seem to get a bit more consistent with his messaging after that, but it's still meh. Obviously he isn't obligated to respond within a certain time frame or anything, but it's hard for me to judge his interest this way. I am in the final steps of finalizing my divorce, so I don't really want to push anything/bring anything else up until that's over, in the off chance that it is causing him to be cautious (?).

Does it seem like there's genuine interest there at all?

Submitted April 08, 2020 at 12:02AM

TL;DR: Been talking to & hanging out with a friend for several months. I stay over at his apartment, we've had sex twice now, we talk for hours and hours every time, but he's inconsistent with his messaging when we're apart. Have no idea how he feels.I (30F) have been talking to a friend (30M) for about 5 months now. We've known each other for about 10 years and have hung out in the past in groups, but not very often. We've always kind of been flirty with each other.After some interesting events in my life, I reached out and we've been messaging each other almost daily since the middle of November. He's a bit inconsistent with his messaging, sometimes it will be 1-2 messages a day, sometimes one message every 1-3 days, and when we are making plans for that day or the next, he's very responsive and we'll go back and forth fairly quickly to establish plans/times/whatever.Since we've started talking regularly, we've hung out 4 times now, all alone. We're both pretty busy right now and I haven't wanted to push things so it's been a slow build. I always go to his apartment and we just hang out and talk for hours. The first time I went over there, I hadn't seen him in maybe 2 years so we had a ton to catch up on, then just talked about all kinds of stuff (religion, politics, science, friends, etc). We ended up talking for 9 hours straight with zero distractions, and he ended up kissing me at the end of the night. I stayed at his place that night and went home the next day after talking some more.The other times we've hung out have basically been the same. I come over, we talk for hours, and I sleep over every time. There was never any discussion about sleeping over, it just kind of seems assumed at this point that this is what we do. The third time we hung out (last month), we ended up talking, watching a movie, talking in bed some more, then having sex. It felt totally normal to me, not weird or awkward.This past weekend, I went over there again. We talked for an hour or two, binge watched a Netflix series, went to bed and talked for another two hours, then had sex again. This time, he pulled me into a spooning position first, while we talked, and initiated sex maybe 15-20 minutes into that. Afterward, we stayed in that position and spooned/cuddled and talked for another 20 minutes or so before he fell asleep. He woke up about 20 mins after that to pee and got out of the cuddling/spooning position and we slept normally the rest of the night. That was Friday night - typically, I'd go home on Saturday afternoon, but we just kept talking. I told him very clearly that he was welcome to kick me out whenever, and he just said "oh it's fine" and never said anything. He ended up leaving me alone at his apartment so he could run to the grocery store to make dinner, came back, we watched a movie, talked a ton more, and by the time we were done it was 3am, so I stayed a second night. He had some stuff to do Sunday so he left me sleeping there alone and I left while he was still gone. I figured he'd wake me up when he was leaving so we'd leave together, but apparently he was comfortable enough leaving me there by myself.Almost two weeks ago, I finally told him straight up that I really liked him and that I had for a while, so he's very aware of how I feel. I had said something about how from the lack of his responses lately, I wasn't sure if he was on the same page. His response was "no, I love hanging out and talking. I want to hang out again whenever you want. We need to soon." So that was when we made the plans for this past weekend. He didn't say anything about how he felt, what we were doing with this whole thing, etc. He did seem to get a bit more consistent with his messaging after that, but it's still meh. Obviously he isn't obligated to respond within a certain time frame or anything, but it's hard for me to judge his interest this way. I am in the final steps of finalizing my divorce, so I don't really want to push anything/bring anything else up until that's over, in the off chance that it is causing him to be cautious (?).Does it seem like there's genuine interest there at all?