I don’t want to have sex anymore?

I’ve (26F) have been feeling worse and worse about sex for a while now. It’s hard to explain, mainly because when I express my concerns to others I’m hit with “you’re too young, you’re being stupid, etc etc”

My first problem is with me. I have pelvic organ prolapse, and no amount of PT has reverse it. I’m constantly aware, and sex exasperates the feeling I already have. It creates pockets in the side of my vagina because of the bladder dropping that make what should normally feel at least somewhat snug like a change purse. It’s constantly like gravity is pulling me down, and because of my own personal anatomy, any position that would otherwise make me feel tighter just pulls air into there. This makes it even more pocket-y, and at that point no one can feel anything. If I suggest other positions, I’m hit with opposition because nothing can be felt like that either.

This has created a very awful and consuming mental barrier to sex. I hate my body and don’t see myself as a worthy woman. I matured as a sexual being with people who equates women with the tightness of their vagina, and nothing, not even therapy, has helped me separate my worth from my body. I feel like throwing up knowing my boyfriend has sex with me and isn’t enjoying it. I can’t get over it. I think about it every second.

The second problem is with my boyfriend. I’ve recently lost 70 pounds, and in a moment of uncommon honesty, he told me he wasn’t attracted to me when I was larger. We would sometimes go 9-10 weeks without sex, and I’d get more and more desperate and depressed as time went on, knowing he’d hide away in the bathroom to watch other women get off. He said at the time he was just unhappy with himself, but now I realize it was me. This would cause me to be so paranoid, but the way he only told me after I conceded I was fat makes me believe there are other things he absolutely detests about my body from the way he acts:

1. He will hardly ever finger me. He will avoid it is possible. He’ll put his arms in weird spots or ask me to face him while giving him a blow job. When he does finger me, he flicks his fingers around in there like he’s never done anything worse.

2. He never goes down on me. He’s tried to tell me this is a result of an earlier assault, to which I was horrified up on hearing. He refuses to mention it again, and even asked what I was talking about when I brought it up 3 years later.

3. He’s told me how his ex felt. He’s said how easy it was for them to have sex, how she did her kegels and felt tight. He’s never said a single nice thing about our sex life, so I can only assume that I don’t match up.

I love him to death and don’t plan to leave. I think if we didn’t have sex anymore, he’d be ok. I don’t really ever want to be sexual again. Maybe to have children, but that’s it. It’s a weird feeling to give up a normal part of life, but I can’t feel like dying every time we fuck. Maybe he’ll leave for someone better, that would be fine. If so, I’d never date again.

What a life we live.

Submitted April 16, 2020 at 11:18PM

I’ve (26F) have been feeling worse and worse about sex for a while now. It’s hard to explain, mainly because when I express my concerns to others I’m hit with “you’re too young, you’re being stupid, etc etc”My first problem is with me. I have pelvic organ prolapse, and no amount of PT has reverse it. I’m constantly aware, and sex exasperates the feeling I already have. It creates pockets in the side of my vagina because of the bladder dropping that make what should normally feel at least somewhat snug like a change purse. It’s constantly like gravity is pulling me down, and because of my own personal anatomy, any position that would otherwise make me feel tighter just pulls air into there. This makes it even more pocket-y, and at that point no one can feel anything. If I suggest other positions, I’m hit with opposition because nothing can be felt like that either.This has created a very awful and consuming mental barrier to sex. I hate my body and don’t see myself as a worthy woman. I matured as a sexual being with people who equates women with the tightness of their vagina, and nothing, not even therapy, has helped me separate my worth from my body. I feel like throwing up knowing my boyfriend has sex with me and isn’t enjoying it. I can’t get over it. I think about it every second.The second problem is with my boyfriend. I’ve recently lost 70 pounds, and in a moment of uncommon honesty, he told me he wasn’t attracted to me when I was larger. We would sometimes go 9-10 weeks without sex, and I’d get more and more desperate and depressed as time went on, knowing he’d hide away in the bathroom to watch other women get off. He said at the time he was just unhappy with himself, but now I realize it was me. This would cause me to be so paranoid, but the way he only told me after I conceded I was fat makes me believe there are other things he absolutely detests about my body from the way he acts:He will hardly ever finger me. He will avoid it is possible. He’ll put his arms in weird spots or ask me to face him while giving him a blow job. When he does finger me, he flicks his fingers around in there like he’s never done anything worse.He never goes down on me. He’s tried to tell me this is a result of an earlier assault, to which I was horrified up on hearing. He refuses to mention it again, and even asked what I was talking about when I brought it up 3 years later.He’s told me how his ex felt. He’s said how easy it was for them to have sex, how she did her kegels and felt tight. He’s never said a single nice thing about our sex life, so I can only assume that I don’t match up.I love him to death and don’t plan to leave. I think if we didn’t have sex anymore, he’d be ok. I don’t really ever want to be sexual again. Maybe to have children, but that’s it. It’s a weird feeling to give up a normal part of life, but I can’t feel like dying every time we fuck. Maybe he’ll leave for someone better, that would be fine. If so, I’d never date again.What a life we live.