My boyfriend [30M] abuses alcohol, says verbally abusive things to me [30F], but most of our relationship is good. Please be objective with me.

It’s happened a few times in our 18-month relationship. I’ll tell him his drinking is unhealthy and that I don’t like it, and he’ll swear at me and call me names. He’s said I’m garbage, a piece a shit, a dumb bitch, that I’ve been “getting fucked,” that he has them “lined up” and I’m not the last.

The last time this happened through text, I didn’t respond. The next morning he texted me a long paragraph about how he’s “lost respect for me” and that I don’t really love him because I don’t stand by him. Oh, and that I’m not a “real woman” because I won’t stand by him, that I don’t actually love him. I have never talked to him like that and if I did, he would never talk to me again.

The drinking involves driving, general stupidity, breaking things, swearing at me (“fuck you, bitch” is slurred often).

90% of the time, things are good, but the other 10% is made of toxicity. The good: He is invested and involved in my emotional, physical well-being. The bad: all of the above.

What do you think? I think I just need objectivity to knock sense into me. I feel like I used to read questions like this and say, “duh, that’s unhealthy and you need to get out,” but I feel like everything’s blurred to me now.

Is this something I need to GTFO of now? Or give him a chance? I feel like I’ve been giving him chances since the beginning. Many other transgressions are not listed here. I love this person, but he is so draining to me. I’m currently in therapy for depression, but I really feel he is the source of my depression.

Tl;dr my boyfriend abuses alcohol, acts like a fool and drunk drives, then calls me names. This has happened at least 6 times in 18 months. Most of our relationship is good, though. Should we call it quits?



Submitted March 16, 2020 at 11:51PM

It’s happened a few times in our 18-month relationship. I’ll tell him his drinking is unhealthy and that I don’t like it, and he’ll swear at me and call me names. He’s said I’m garbage, a piece a shit, a dumb bitch, that I’ve been “getting fucked,” that he has them “lined up” and I’m not the last.The last time this happened through text, I didn’t respond. The next morning he texted me a long paragraph about how he’s “lost respect for me” and that I don’t really love him because I don’t stand by him. Oh, and that I’m not a “real woman” because I won’t stand by him, that I don’t actually love him. I have never talked to him like that and if I did, he would never talk to me again.The drinking involves driving, general stupidity, breaking things, swearing at me (“fuck you, bitch” is slurred often).90% of the time, things are good, but the other 10% is made of toxicity. The good: He is invested and involved in my emotional, physical well-being. The bad: all of the above.What do you think? I think I just need objectivity to knock sense into me. I feel like I used to read questions like this and say, “duh, that’s unhealthy and you need to get out,” but I feel like everything’s blurred to me now.Is this something I need to GTFO of now? Or give him a chance? I feel like I’ve been giving him chances since the beginning. Many other transgressions are not listed here. I love this person, but he is so draining to me. I’m currently in therapy for depression, but I really feel he is the source of my depression.Tl;dr my boyfriend abuses alcohol, acts like a fool and drunk drives, then calls me names. This has happened at least 6 times in 18 months. Most of our relationship is good, though. Should we call it quits?
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