I (21F) have feelings for a friend (21M) but I don’t think those feelings are reciprocated

I’m using a throwaway account here :)

To keep the story somewhat short, I have feelings for a Male friend and it turns out these feelings aren’t reciprocated... so I think.

The situation between us has been so strange for a little while now. Initially, when we started speaking to each other, it was just friendly chatting, and as time went on, it felt like things became a bit more flirty, or at the very least, I got the impression he was kind of interested in me. I also started to feel interested in him too. We text each other everyday, he texts me every night, and he often used to tell me how much he likes talking to me.

Eventually we decided to meet up (we knew each other through a friend of a friend type connection), and we went to a concert together. He paid for my ticket which I was surprised by and I made so many offers to him to pay him back but he said no, it’s fine, I’ll treat you. At this point I couldn’t help but think, he’s dropping a big sign here that this could be a date - I mean, who else would do something like this for someone they haven’t even properly met before? All the while before we went to the concert we flirted more, he used to tell me how excited he was to see me / how he wished he could see me sooner, etc.

We met, we had a really great time together and I felt super comfortable around him. We ended up sleeping together afterwards too. I wouldn’t say the “date” felt overly romantic. But it was a first date, and our first time seeing each other, I wasn’t expecting it to feel like overly romantic, and I mostly just wanted to be able to spend more time with him and get to know him better, to see where things went. I think I knew I had some sort of feelings for him.

Anyway, after we say goodbye, we text again the whole day afterwards. Eventually I phone him up a day or two after the date and tell him I want to see him again and get to know him better in a more than friends way. He tells me “I don’t really know what I want right now”, before eventually admitting he just doesn’t want a romantic relationship. But he told me he really wants to stay friends with me because he likes talking to me a lot, and he has been texting me a lot since then. But... It really, really hurt me a lot, because it just felt so suddenly,.. out of nowhere. I couldn’t think of anything that happened on the date that could put him off of me, I didn’t do anything strange or weird, we both seemed to have a really lovely time together, and we texted a lot after the date too, which made me think it went so well.

So what I don’t understand is why he suddenly tells me he doesn’t want anything more with me. It really hurts me because I quite like him and want to spend more time with him, but I don’t think he’s feeling the same thing as me. :( i did speak to him about it but he just says he doesn’t want anything romantic. But then that feels shitty to me he had led me on for some time with no intentions of anything going anywhere. And his actions before / during the date all suggested that he did like me or feel some sort of attraction to me. My only thoughts are that maybe he has some sort of commitment issues (which I think is likely the case), and is afraid to get into a new relationship because it could hurt him / end badly. I’ve been going back onto dating apps to try and talk to new people again, but it’s just not feeling right, and if anything it’s making me feel worse. Now I’m just not sure where to go with this...

Tl;dr I have feelings for a friend who led me on for a while before we went on a “date” and is now telling me he doesn’t want a relationship.

Submitted March 17, 2020 at 12:03AM

I’m using a throwaway account here :)To keep the story somewhat short, I have feelings for a Male friend and it turns out these feelings aren’t reciprocated... so I think.The situation between us has been so strange for a little while now. Initially, when we started speaking to each other, it was just friendly chatting, and as time went on, it felt like things became a bit more flirty, or at the very least, I got the impression he was kind of interested in me. I also started to feel interested in him too. We text each other everyday, he texts me every night, and he often used to tell me how much he likes talking to me.Eventually we decided to meet up (we knew each other through a friend of a friend type connection), and we went to a concert together. He paid for my ticket which I was surprised by and I made so many offers to him to pay him back but he said no, it’s fine, I’ll treat you. At this point I couldn’t help but think, he’s dropping a big sign here that this could be a date - I mean, who else would do something like this for someone they haven’t even properly met before? All the while before we went to the concert we flirted more, he used to tell me how excited he was to see me / how he wished he could see me sooner, etc.We met, we had a really great time together and I felt super comfortable around him. We ended up sleeping together afterwards too. I wouldn’t say the “date” felt overly romantic. But it was a first date, and our first time seeing each other, I wasn’t expecting it to feel like overly romantic, and I mostly just wanted to be able to spend more time with him and get to know him better, to see where things went. I think I knew I had some sort of feelings for him.Anyway, after we say goodbye, we text again the whole day afterwards. Eventually I phone him up a day or two after the date and tell him I want to see him again and get to know him better in a more than friends way. He tells me “I don’t really know what I want right now”, before eventually admitting he just doesn’t want a romantic relationship. But he told me he really wants to stay friends with me because he likes talking to me a lot, and he has been texting me a lot since then. But... It really, really hurt me a lot, because it just felt so suddenly,.. out of nowhere. I couldn’t think of anything that happened on the date that could put him off of me, I didn’t do anything strange or weird, we both seemed to have a really lovely time together, and we texted a lot after the date too, which made me think it went so well.So what I don’t understand is why he suddenly tells me he doesn’t want anything more with me. It really hurts me because I quite like him and want to spend more time with him, but I don’t think he’s feeling the same thing as me. :( i did speak to him about it but he just says he doesn’t want anything romantic. But then that feels shitty to me he had led me on for some time with no intentions of anything going anywhere. And his actions before / during the date all suggested that he did like me or feel some sort of attraction to me. My only thoughts are that maybe he has some sort of commitment issues (which I think is likely the case), and is afraid to get into a new relationship because it could hurt him / end badly. I’ve been going back onto dating apps to try and talk to new people again, but it’s just not feeling right, and if anything it’s making me feel worse. Now I’m just not sure where to go with this...Tl;dr I have feelings for a friend who led me on for a while before we went on a “date” and is now telling me he doesn’t want a relationship.