UPDATE: After a really great first date, she asked me to come back over late that night. I couldn’t make it, and now I don’t hear back from her.

Original post can be found here:

https://old.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/dndnef/after_a_really_great_first_date_she_asked_me_to/

So i've been asked by a user to post an update on this. I want to thank everyone who posted on the original topic, there was a lot of great advice! This may be a bit long, but for the sake of the story, i'm just going to throw everything out there so people can get the whole picture.

So much of the advice on the original post suggested that I reach out to her again. After almost a week of not hearing from her, I texted her on Saturday saying that I would still like to teach her how to drive a manual transmission, but also that I would like to have some time to grab coffee and talk a bit. I didn't hear back from her. So around 3pm that day I decided I had nothing else to lose and I gave her a call. I left a voicemail in which I very briefly told her that I had had a great time last weekend, made a small joke about a thing we'd laughed about, and then explained that it was really important to me that we maybe sit down and just chat for a little bit.

She ends up texting me the next day. First she asks about the concert that we had talked about, I gave her some more info on it, although it was starting in a few hours. So then she asks if I would be interested in coming over to grab sushi, I said that would be great. A little bit later (6 pm'ish) she texts me saying that she's finally home, but that she's feeling under the weather, and would like to meet tomorrow (Monday). I said that would be fine, and we planned on grabbing dinner together after work in my area.

Monday comes around and she texts me in the morning saying that she's still feeling sick and didn't really want to grab dinner since she was working from home. (To be fair, when we did end up meeting later that day she clearly was actually feeling somewhat sick.) I texted her back basically saying that I was a little disappointed and had looked forward to seeing her, after which she offered to still grab dinner if I could come up to her area, it's a half hour drive which was fine and I really wanted to talk, so I agreed.

So we meet that afternoon, and truth be told it was a little awkward. I was nervous because i'd been thinking about her non-stop for days. I laugh about it now, but i'd been practicing what to say to her over and over, of course that all went out the window. Nonetheless, we chatted and walked down to a nice sushi place. Talked, laughed a bit here and there, but it was still a little awkward since I think we were both on edge. Finally towards the end of dinner she asked what it was I wanted to talk about.

So I told her that I had had a great time the previous weekend, and that I felt really bad about not having come over when she texted me that night. She immediately profusely apologized saying that I have nothing to be sorry about and that she felt really bad for having texted me. She said she had been drinking a lot with friends, realized it had been really dumb on her part, and that she hadn't even thought about what she'd even said until later in the week. She started to try to explain that she felt really bad for maybe sending me the wrong message and that she has a hard time distinguishing between guys who are trying to be friends and guys who are interested in her.

It was at this point that I realized that she was getting really uncomfortable trying to explain to me in a nice way that she wasn't really interested in a relationship but felt guilty for drunk texting me and that she'd sent the wrong message and why she puts herself in this situation etc etc. So I interrupted her and basically said something along the lines of; "(Her Name) listen, relax, it's fine. Look, I was interested in you and I hate the 'date' label so I wanted to spend time with you to see if something clicked. You don't have to apologize, I'm not offended. I really just wanted to ask you about the whole situation a talk. I like you, but if you're not interested, that's fine" I'm sure it came out a little more jumpled than that, but that was the gist of it lol. I told her that most all of the girls i'd dated had been friends first, and that it was the reason I just wanted to hang out without the pressure of calling it a date.

So after we talked about it a little more, we both really relaxed and finished our dinner talking about other things in a much more casual way. We had both cleared the air and expressed how we felt. She perked up a bit and we both were a lot more comfortable. Obviously it wasn't the outcome I was hoping for, but at least I had some answers. I walked her home, she gave me a hug, talked about how it would be nice to hang out as friends here and there, we said goodnight, and that was that.

Here's the really weird thing. TODAY, we were on a job site together again, first time seeing her since dinner a week ago. I have to say she made it so awkward! It was only myself, my co-worker and her on site all day. We talked briefly here and there, mostly all about the pertinent job related things going on. But when we did talk, it was like she felt so uncomfortable and didn't want to look me in the eyes. I did everything I could to just be normal, professional and friendly. I genuinely didn't go out of my way to talk to her just for the sake of talking. Yet still, she just didn't seem to want to converse at all. It was almost like she was mad at me or something. I only once asked her if she was feeling alright, of course she said she was feeling fine.

So how do I feel? I'm a little bummed because I did like this girl and of course I would have liked to make some kind of connection. But that's what the dating game is all about! People don't feel the same about each other and that's ok. I just wish I knew what was going through her head. Is she mad at me? Does she want me to make another move? (doubtful). Is she still embarrassed? Was she trying hard to delineate a strong line between a work and friend relationship?

I don't expect to see her except every few weeks at work. I don't plan on reaching out to her. I'm just spending more time with friends and i'll keep putting myself out there. I just hope that whatever future working relationship we have can be normal and friendly.

Also, after I asked her about how her halloween party went this last weekend, she admitted to me that instead of going with her original costume idea, she went as my costume idea that i'd told her about during our first date instead! Unbelievable...

Submitted November 05, 2019 at 11:26PM

Original post can be found here:https://ift.tt/36GCQXc i've been asked by a user to post an update on this. I want to thank everyone who posted on the original topic, there was a lot of great advice! This may be a bit long, but for the sake of the story, i'm just going to throw everything out there so people can get the whole picture.So much of the advice on the original post suggested that I reach out to her again. After almost a week of not hearing from her, I texted her on Saturday saying that I would still like to teach her how to drive a manual transmission, but also that I would like to have some time to grab coffee and talk a bit. I didn't hear back from her. So around 3pm that day I decided I had nothing else to lose and I gave her a call. I left a voicemail in which I very briefly told her that I had had a great time last weekend, made a small joke about a thing we'd laughed about, and then explained that it was really important to me that we maybe sit down and just chat for a little bit.She ends up texting me the next day. First she asks about the concert that we had talked about, I gave her some more info on it, although it was starting in a few hours. So then she asks if I would be interested in coming over to grab sushi, I said that would be great. A little bit later (6 pm'ish) she texts me saying that she's finally home, but that she's feeling under the weather, and would like to meet tomorrow (Monday). I said that would be fine, and we planned on grabbing dinner together after work in my area.Monday comes around and she texts me in the morning saying that she's still feeling sick and didn't really want to grab dinner since she was working from home. (To be fair, when we did end up meeting later that day she clearly was actually feeling somewhat sick.) I texted her back basically saying that I was a little disappointed and had looked forward to seeing her, after which she offered to still grab dinner if I could come up to her area, it's a half hour drive which was fine and I really wanted to talk, so I agreed.So we meet that afternoon, and truth be told it was a little awkward. I was nervous because i'd been thinking about her non-stop for days. I laugh about it now, but i'd been practicing what to say to her over and over, of course that all went out the window. Nonetheless, we chatted and walked down to a nice sushi place. Talked, laughed a bit here and there, but it was still a little awkward since I think we were both on edge. Finally towards the end of dinner she asked what it was I wanted to talk about.So I told her that I had had a great time the previous weekend, and that I felt really bad about not having come over when she texted me that night. She immediately profusely apologized saying that I have nothing to be sorry about and that she felt really bad for having texted me. She said she had been drinking a lot with friends, realized it had been really dumb on her part, and that she hadn't even thought about what she'd even said until later in the week. She started to try to explain that she felt really bad for maybe sending me the wrong message and that she has a hard time distinguishing between guys who are trying to be friends and guys who are interested in her.It was at this point that I realized that she was getting really uncomfortable trying to explain to me in a nice way that she wasn't really interested in a relationship but felt guilty for drunk texting me and that she'd sent the wrong message and why she puts herself in this situation etc etc. So I interrupted her and basically said something along the lines of; "(Her Name) listen, relax, it's fine. Look, I was interested in you and I hate the 'date' label so I wanted to spend time with you to see if something clicked. You don't have to apologize, I'm not offended. I really just wanted to ask you about the whole situation a talk. I like you, but if you're not interested, that's fine" I'm sure it came out a little more jumpled than that, but that was the gist of it lol. I told her that most all of the girls i'd dated had been friends first, and that it was the reason I just wanted to hang out without the pressure of calling it a date.So after we talked about it a little more, we both really relaxed and finished our dinner talking about other things in a much more casual way. We had both cleared the air and expressed how we felt. She perked up a bit and we both were a lot more comfortable. Obviously it wasn't the outcome I was hoping for, but at least I had some answers. I walked her home, she gave me a hug, talked about how it would be nice to hang out as friends here and there, we said goodnight, and that was that.Here's the really weird thing. TODAY, we were on a job site together again, first time seeing her since dinner a week ago. I have to say she made it so awkward! It was only myself, my co-worker and her on site all day. We talked briefly here and there, mostly all about the pertinent job related things going on. But when we did talk, it was like she felt so uncomfortable and didn't want to look me in the eyes. I did everything I could to just be normal, professional and friendly. I genuinely didn't go out of my way to talk to her just for the sake of talking. Yet still, she just didn't seem to want to converse at all. It was almost like she was mad at me or something. I only once asked her if she was feeling alright, of course she said she was feeling fine.So how do I feel? I'm a little bummed because I did like this girl and of course I would have liked to make some kind of connection. But that's what the dating game is all about! People don't feel the same about each other and that's ok. I just wish I knew what was going through her head. Is she mad at me? Does she want me to make another move? (doubtful). Is she still embarrassed? Was she trying hard to delineate a strong line between a work and friend relationship?I don't expect to see her except every few weeks at work. I don't plan on reaching out to her. I'm just spending more time with friends and i'll keep putting myself out there. I just hope that whatever future working relationship we have can be normal and friendly.Also, after I asked her about how her halloween party went this last weekend, she admitted to me that instead of going with her original costume idea, she went as my costume idea that i'd told her about during our first date instead! Unbelievable...