Is he not into me or am I overthinking it after two dates?

Hi there! I've (30F) been on a couple dates with a guy (31M) that I'm into, however he doesn't initiate the dates or doesn't really text me. This is definitely a different interaction than I'm used to. I'm often the one pursued by the guy and can feel claustrophobic in relationships because I don't need constant validation or to talk all day everyday. So, for the most part I'm okay with the way things are going, however.....I'm crushing HARD on this guy. My assumption is that he's not into me but of course I need the help of fellow redditors to fully decide.

I met this guy through a dating app, although I found out later he's in my social/outdoor community. Therefore we see each other once or twice a week outside of trying to go on dates. Setting up the first date was a bit of a saga considering that I'm always busy and he's working on a PhD. He's a bit nerdy and seems somewhat unsure of himself in social situations (a friend of mine mentioned that he tried to approach me several times in a social context and ended up just leaving the bar. I stopped him before he left to say 'hi'.).

I've initiated both dates which he always seemed excited to accept the invitation. Both dates were great (good food, convo, chemistry, etc) and he insisted on paying the dinner bill on the second date (I'm guessing it was around $100 or more). He verbally expressed enjoying the date and definitely wanting to do it again soon but didn't try to set up a date. He seemed into me but never tried to kiss me-- just hugs. I've also seen him at other social functions and he seems happy to see me and finds ways to make physical contact.

On both dates he's expressed that he's stressed out about research that he's behind on and it seems that he is involved in a lot of 'extracurricular' activities outside of his doctorate. I identify with this, as I'm someone who stays busy all the time. And, I'm inclined to give him the space considering he's told me directly that this is something that's been weighing on him for a while. I know what academia is like myself and can suffer from tunnel vision.

The confusion for me is that he doesn't really follow up on dates and doesn't initiate hanging out or any type of texting. I've only messaged him a couple times to plan a date or send a podcast on a topic we discussed during a date. I'm assuming the fact that he isn't messaging me means I should probably take it as a sign that he's not up for it (I know I don't like to text all the time, but this guy is on another level).

So, what do you think from my brief ramblings? Advice? Should I just leave it where it is and see if he initiates? Maybe he just isn't into me? Should I put anymore energy into it? THANK YOU!

Submitted November 21, 2019 at 12:03AM

Hi there! I've (30F) been on a couple dates with a guy (31M) that I'm into, however he doesn't initiate the dates or doesn't really text me. This is definitely a different interaction than I'm used to. I'm often the one pursued by the guy and can feel claustrophobic in relationships because I don't need constant validation or to talk all day everyday. So, for the most part I'm okay with the way things are going, however.....I'm crushing HARD on this guy. My assumption is that he's not into me but of course I need the help of fellow redditors to fully decide.I met this guy through a dating app, although I found out later he's in my social/outdoor community. Therefore we see each other once or twice a week outside of trying to go on dates. Setting up the first date was a bit of a saga considering that I'm always busy and he's working on a PhD. He's a bit nerdy and seems somewhat unsure of himself in social situations (a friend of mine mentioned that he tried to approach me several times in a social context and ended up just leaving the bar. I stopped him before he left to say 'hi'.).I've initiated both dates which he always seemed excited to accept the invitation. Both dates were great (good food, convo, chemistry, etc) and he insisted on paying the dinner bill on the second date (I'm guessing it was around $100 or more). He verbally expressed enjoying the date and definitely wanting to do it again soon but didn't try to set up a date. He seemed into me but never tried to kiss me-- just hugs. I've also seen him at other social functions and he seems happy to see me and finds ways to make physical contact.On both dates he's expressed that he's stressed out about research that he's behind on and it seems that he is involved in a lot of 'extracurricular' activities outside of his doctorate. I identify with this, as I'm someone who stays busy all the time. And, I'm inclined to give him the space considering he's told me directly that this is something that's been weighing on him for a while. I know what academia is like myself and can suffer from tunnel vision.The confusion for me is that he doesn't really follow up on dates and doesn't initiate hanging out or any type of texting. I've only messaged him a couple times to plan a date or send a podcast on a topic we discussed during a date. I'm assuming the fact that he isn't messaging me means I should probably take it as a sign that he's not up for it (I know I don't like to text all the time, but this guy is on another level).So, what do you think from my brief ramblings? Advice? Should I just leave it where it is and see if he initiates? Maybe he just isn't into me? Should I put anymore energy into it? THANK YOU!