I (29F) Am Standing Firm With My Boundries Which Is Ruining My Relationships With Family and Friends

This is probably going to be long but I need to give a lot of context so I apologize. Also on moble ... so again sorry. Tldr at the bottom.

My friend I will call her El and I have had a weird friendship since high school. She has a best friend I'll call Beth who I've never gotten along with. She was always very dramatic and felt everything needed to be like a reality show. She's been toxic for as long as I can remember.

In high school she spread some rumors about me at one point and trash talked me, after we graduated she sat me down and apologized. I accepted this apology and figured we could be friends. Instead she continued to talk crap and bad mouth me... strike one.

A year or so later El invited Beth out with us to a bar. I was buying drinks for myself and bought one for El. I go to get my tab and notice it's a lot higher than I thought it should be given it was dollar ladies night (close to $90). I chalk it up to being too drunk maybe I read wrong?? So I pay on my credit card and move on. As we're driving Beth home she proceeds to get sick in the back seat and puke all over me. Turns out! That super high bill was because Beth was putting her drinks and drinks for some guy she was trying to hook up with on my tab. I only found out when El told me later. .... strike two.

Then about five years ago I met this guy on a dating site. We hung out at his house and I just wasn't feeling the chemistry. He asked if i wanted to have sex and i told him honestly that I wasn't interested. To which he responded "than wtf are you doing here?" And proceeded to tell me to "get the f*** outta my house." I laughed thinking it was joke, it wasnt. So I left called El told her all about it while laughing. Something like three weeks later El asks me where that guy worked and all these questions and she starts laughing and she tells me "dude that's the same guy Beth is talking to!!" I laugh as it was a funny coincidence and move on. El had told Beth thinking this was funny and Beth proceeds to go off about how I'm a whore and a slut and how he was in a dark place and I'm terrible. Just on and on... that was strike three.

That was it I told El I don't want to see her again. EVER. This has really never been a problem. We all moved away and we dont see each other and in fact El and I stopped speaking for about 2.5 years because she doesn't like my boyfriend. Though El still hung out with my family. Recently my family has pushed for us to be friends again (El and I) and this weekend they (my family) were having a party. I had asked my aunt if she was having this party and she said "sure". I told El I was going but specifically asked before to not have Beth go as I don't want to see her.

The other day El texts me and asks if I'm going I said yes I am and she responded "even though Beth is going?" I told her I didn't know Beth was going and she knows I wont see Beth. The kicker here is Beth doesn't even have a car El has to bring her.

After I told her I'm not going I get a bunch of texts from my grandmother upset that I'm not going that she's disappointed I wont " just get past this." El is no longer speaking to me again. El's boyfriend sent me a bunch of passive aggressive texts. My aunt is upset because she says she only is having the party because I asked. I'm feeling like am I in the wrong? My boyfriend and his family have all agreed this is not on me. But I can't help feeling like it is.

It's a two and half hour drive to this party that if I just go to I know I'll be miserable. I wont be able to enjoy myself with her there and it'll be a small gathering (like 5 people in total) so it's not like I can feasibly just ignore this girl. I also know she is petty and full of drama and I don't put it past her to try and start something.

I just .... I don't know....

TlDR; I refuse to hang around a toxic friend of a friend and everyone is upset with me because of it.

Submitted October 25, 2019 at 12:08AM

This is probably going to be long but I need to give a lot of context so I apologize. Also on moble ... so again sorry. Tldr at the bottom.My friend I will call her El and I have had a weird friendship since high school. She has a best friend I'll call Beth who I've never gotten along with. She was always very dramatic and felt everything needed to be like a reality show. She's been toxic for as long as I can remember.In high school she spread some rumors about me at one point and trash talked me, after we graduated she sat me down and apologized. I accepted this apology and figured we could be friends. Instead she continued to talk crap and bad mouth me... strike one.A year or so later El invited Beth out with us to a bar. I was buying drinks for myself and bought one for El. I go to get my tab and notice it's a lot higher than I thought it should be given it was dollar ladies night (close to $90). I chalk it up to being too drunk maybe I read wrong?? So I pay on my credit card and move on. As we're driving Beth home she proceeds to get sick in the back seat and puke all over me. Turns out! That super high bill was because Beth was putting her drinks and drinks for some guy she was trying to hook up with on my tab. I only found out when El told me later. .... strike two.Then about five years ago I met this guy on a dating site. We hung out at his house and I just wasn't feeling the chemistry. He asked if i wanted to have sex and i told him honestly that I wasn't interested. To which he responded "than wtf are you doing here?" And proceeded to tell me to "get the f*** outta my house." I laughed thinking it was joke, it wasnt. So I left called El told her all about it while laughing. Something like three weeks later El asks me where that guy worked and all these questions and she starts laughing and she tells me "dude that's the same guy Beth is talking to!!" I laugh as it was a funny coincidence and move on. El had told Beth thinking this was funny and Beth proceeds to go off about how I'm a whore and a slut and how he was in a dark place and I'm terrible. Just on and on... that was strike three.That was it I told El I don't want to see her again. EVER. This has really never been a problem. We all moved away and we dont see each other and in fact El and I stopped speaking for about 2.5 years because she doesn't like my boyfriend. Though El still hung out with my family. Recently my family has pushed for us to be friends again (El and I) and this weekend they (my family) were having a party. I had asked my aunt if she was having this party and she said "sure". I told El I was going but specifically asked before to not have Beth go as I don't want to see her.The other day El texts me and asks if I'm going I said yes I am and she responded "even though Beth is going?" I told her I didn't know Beth was going and she knows I wont see Beth. The kicker here is Beth doesn't even have a car El has to bring her.After I told her I'm not going I get a bunch of texts from my grandmother upset that I'm not going that she's disappointed I wont " just get past this." El is no longer speaking to me again. El's boyfriend sent me a bunch of passive aggressive texts. My aunt is upset because she says she only is having the party because I asked. I'm feeling like am I in the wrong? My boyfriend and his family have all agreed this is not on me. But I can't help feeling like it is.It's a two and half hour drive to this party that if I just go to I know I'll be miserable. I wont be able to enjoy myself with her there and it'll be a small gathering (like 5 people in total) so it's not like I can feasibly just ignore this girl. I also know she is petty and full of drama and I don't put it past her to try and start something.I just .... I don't know....TlDR; I refuse to hang around a toxic friend of a friend and everyone is upset with me because of it.