It's been what I believe is four months since my first break up, when will it end?

I'm a 19 year old guy who went through a really bad break up what I think was four months ago. It's all kinda been a blur at this point and It didn't end clean, that was the initial break up but my ex fucked me up by dragging it along, drawing out the pain and leading me on. I still think about her, her actions, my actions, the events in our relationship, what she's doing now, if she thinks about me still, all this and all that. Every. Fucking. Day. Every morning drive to work. Every night spent alone. Every time I beat off for fucks sake. The bringing up of past feelings is everywhere and it's unavoidable and I'm tired of it. I'm sick of it. It's getting genuinely annoying. I want nothing more than to just move on already. I would never date my ex again, and yet, I still love her. I hate that. I hate that because of her beauty she still has even an iota of control over me frustrates the living hell out of me. The fact that her beauty will allow her to find a new partner with ease regardless of her shitty personality and psychotic tendencies. I want to just move on and forget about it so I can get back out there and date again but I feel like I can't properly date while still heartbroken and hung up on my ex, it's just not fair to whoever I'd be dating. And then again I'm conflicted as to whether or not I even want to date, I want love and of course sex, connection and all that great stuff, but I also want freedom and no distractions so I can find myself and construct my life and career. I don't know what the fuck to do man. At this point I'm at a loss. I assume just do what I'm doing and just keep on keeping on. One day at a time. Better myself every day. Work hard. Do what I love. But my understanding of relationships is trashed. Any advice is greatly appreciated and if you've read this far, I thank you and wish you good luck in life



Submitted September 25, 2019 at 11:48PM

I'm a 19 year old guy who went through a really bad break up what I think was four months ago. It's all kinda been a blur at this point and It didn't end clean, that was the initial break up but my ex fucked me up by dragging it along, drawing out the pain and leading me on. I still think about her, her actions, my actions, the events in our relationship, what she's doing now, if she thinks about me still, all this and all that. Every. Fucking. Day. Every morning drive to work. Every night spent alone. Every time I beat off for fucks sake. The bringing up of past feelings is everywhere and it's unavoidable and I'm tired of it. I'm sick of it. It's getting genuinely annoying. I want nothing more than to just move on already. I would never date my ex again, and yet, I still love her. I hate that. I hate that because of her beauty she still has even an iota of control over me frustrates the living hell out of me. The fact that her beauty will allow her to find a new partner with ease regardless of her shitty personality and psychotic tendencies. I want to just move on and forget about it so I can get back out there and date again but I feel like I can't properly date while still heartbroken and hung up on my ex, it's just not fair to whoever I'd be dating. And then again I'm conflicted as to whether or not I even want to date, I want love and of course sex, connection and all that great stuff, but I also want freedom and no distractions so I can find myself and construct my life and career. I don't know what the fuck to do man. At this point I'm at a loss. I assume just do what I'm doing and just keep on keeping on. One day at a time. Better myself every day. Work hard. Do what I love. But my understanding of relationships is trashed. Any advice is greatly appreciated and if you've read this far, I thank you and wish you good luck in life
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