Girlfriend (25F) cheated on me(27M) with her ex in the beginning of our relationship

I'll try to keep it short. Both me and my girlfriend were with our own partners when we met. We met, fell in love, wanted to be together, decided to leave our previous partners and start a relationship together. During this period, we were seeing each other and had sex once. We both didn't meet our own partners, as they were both in different cities at the time. In a few weeks, I talked to my ex on the phone, and ended my previous relationship. She said she would meet hers in person to do the talk. I had no bad thoughts and had trusted her, so I said ok. That day in the afternoon, she called me and said she did the talk, it wasn't easy, he cried and insisted on not to leave etc., and they had sex two times. I didn't think about much on how to react, maybe I was a bit shocked, but I really loved her and said it was ok. But when she said she may have to meet him again to end it, I asked her not to meet and end it on the phone just like I did. She did that, and we started our relationship. Although we get along well in almost all parts of our relationship, from time to time I realized I started having some serious problems in two issues: trust and self-confidence.

Firstly, in my previous relationships, I never had trust problems. I was never extremely jealous and didn't have fights in these kind of issues. But I think because that day, I kind of lost my sense of trust in her forever. I control her actions a lot, I start jealousy fights even though when I am not sure if there is something to be jealous of. Maybe this is a way of showing my anger which I didn't show that day. I know she is a good person and I don't want to hurt her, or anyone, but I can't stop these jealousy crisis moments.

Secondly, because of that day, I think I kind of lost my self-confidence. I began connecting maybe irrelevant information and made myself believe I don't satisfy her sexually. When we met, I knew she had a sexual life before me and I didn't ever mind it. And after we had sex once -when we still hadn't left our previous partners- in a joke, she mentioned her partner was much bigger than me. I said ok, and didn't care about it either. I had no concern or claim about it before, I knew I was average and I was ok with that. Even if that was the case, it happened before me. But after they had sex that day, I began to think over these and convinced myself she did it because he was much better in sex. I believe she loves me, but for other reasons. It hurts me to imagine her longing for his ex when it comes to sex. I couldn't avoid starting discussions about it three times. When I asked her honestly why she did it, at the first fight she said he had a gun (?) and she was afraid of him. In the second fight she said she wanted to be sure, that was why. And in the third fight she shouted me not to ask and cried. All of these made me feel more regretful and guilty.

I don't know what to think about this issue but I am sure I am not okay. If I knew there was no chance of happiness for me in this relationship I would leave her but I can't be sure of it either. I sometimes wish she wasn't so honest to tell me all about these. Because apart from this issue, she is the best girlfriend I have ever had and I really love her.

TL;DR; : Girlfriend cheated with her ex in the beggining of the relationship. Although we get along well in almost all parts of our relationship, from time to time I realized I started having some serious problems in two issues: trust and self-confidence.

Submitted September 21, 2019 at 12:13AM

I'll try to keep it short. Both me and my girlfriend were with our own partners when we met. We met, fell in love, wanted to be together, decided to leave our previous partners and start a relationship together. During this period, we were seeing each other and had sex once. We both didn't meet our own partners, as they were both in different cities at the time. In a few weeks, I talked to my ex on the phone, and ended my previous relationship. She said she would meet hers in person to do the talk. I had no bad thoughts and had trusted her, so I said ok. That day in the afternoon, she called me and said she did the talk, it wasn't easy, he cried and insisted on not to leave etc., and they had sex two times. I didn't think about much on how to react, maybe I was a bit shocked, but I really loved her and said it was ok. But when she said she may have to meet him again to end it, I asked her not to meet and end it on the phone just like I did. She did that, and we started our relationship. Although we get along well in almost all parts of our relationship, from time to time I realized I started having some serious problems in two issues: trust and self-confidence.Firstly, in my previous relationships, I never had trust problems. I was never extremely jealous and didn't have fights in these kind of issues. But I think because that day, I kind of lost my sense of trust in her forever. I control her actions a lot, I start jealousy fights even though when I am not sure if there is something to be jealous of. Maybe this is a way of showing my anger which I didn't show that day. I know she is a good person and I don't want to hurt her, or anyone, but I can't stop these jealousy crisis moments.Secondly, because of that day, I think I kind of lost my self-confidence. I began connecting maybe irrelevant information and made myself believe I don't satisfy her sexually. When we met, I knew she had a sexual life before me and I didn't ever mind it. And after we had sex once -when we still hadn't left our previous partners- in a joke, she mentioned her partner was much bigger than me. I said ok, and didn't care about it either. I had no concern or claim about it before, I knew I was average and I was ok with that. Even if that was the case, it happened before me. But after they had sex that day, I began to think over these and convinced myself she did it because he was much better in sex. I believe she loves me, but for other reasons. It hurts me to imagine her longing for his ex when it comes to sex. I couldn't avoid starting discussions about it three times. When I asked her honestly why she did it, at the first fight she said he had a gun (?) and she was afraid of him. In the second fight she said she wanted to be sure, that was why. And in the third fight she shouted me not to ask and cried. All of these made me feel more regretful and guilty.I don't know what to think about this issue but I am sure I am not okay. If I knew there was no chance of happiness for me in this relationship I would leave her but I can't be sure of it either. I sometimes wish she wasn't so honest to tell me all about these. Because apart from this issue, she is the best girlfriend I have ever had and I really love her.TL;DR; : Girlfriend cheated with her ex in the beggining of the relationship. Although we get along well in almost all parts of our relationship, from time to time I realized I started having some serious problems in two issues: trust and self-confidence.