Relapsed after 18 months of no contact with narcissistic ex (23M)

I (23F) feel like the biggest failure. I let him (23M) back in even though I had told myself so many times that I’d completely ignore him if he ever came back again.

We were together for 3 years and broke up in February 2018. Two weeks ago he calls me out of the blue and apologizes for everything, he kept saying “fuck the person I was when I was with you, I hurt you so much I’m so sorry”. HE WAS CRYING whilst apologizing. He begged to be friends and like the absolute spineless piece of shit that I am, I welcomed him with open arms. He initially made it very clear he only wants to be there for me as a friend but he’s been contradicting himself a lot. He has been hyping me up by constantly calling me and checking up on me, sending me memes and constantly bringing up the good times we had in the past. He even accidentally dropped “I love you” two times and when I called him out on it he said it was muscle reflex. Which is total bullshit. He’s been getting jealous that I may be talking to other men. He got upset that I told my parents all the details of our relationship because he feels like it might be more challenging for him to approach them to apologize. Then he changes the whole “friendship forever script” and makes it “friendship for now, more than friendship for later”

Everyone has told me to block him. I WANT TO so bad, but something inside me keeps hoping or thinking this change in him is real. I mean after all narcs cannot truly admit they’re wrong - right? And not only that, the thought that I might make him upset or even make him hate me if I block him is holding me back. I feel like I’m back to square one - where I was last year - hoping and yearning for his attention and satisfaction with me, and I fucking hate it so much because it makes me feel so weak. How do I stop making myself feel so guilty about what I might miss out on if I do go through with the blocking?

TL:DR narcissistic ex comes back into my life, sends me mixed signals, everyone tells me to block him but I’m so spineless and fear feeling guilty after I block him.

Submitted August 14, 2019 at 11:37PM

I (23F) feel like the biggest failure. I let him (23M) back in even though I had told myself so many times that I’d completely ignore him if he ever came back again.We were together for 3 years and broke up in February 2018. Two weeks ago he calls me out of the blue and apologizes for everything, he kept saying “fuck the person I was when I was with you, I hurt you so much I’m so sorry”. HE WAS CRYING whilst apologizing. He begged to be friends and like the absolute spineless piece of shit that I am, I welcomed him with open arms. He initially made it very clear he only wants to be there for me as a friend but he’s been contradicting himself a lot. He has been hyping me up by constantly calling me and checking up on me, sending me memes and constantly bringing up the good times we had in the past. He even accidentally dropped “I love you” two times and when I called him out on it he said it was muscle reflex. Which is total bullshit. He’s been getting jealous that I may be talking to other men. He got upset that I told my parents all the details of our relationship because he feels like it might be more challenging for him to approach them to apologize. Then he changes the whole “friendship forever script” and makes it “friendship for now, more than friendship for later”Everyone has told me to block him. I WANT TO so bad, but something inside me keeps hoping or thinking this change in him is real. I mean after all narcs cannot truly admit they’re wrong - right? And not only that, the thought that I might make him upset or even make him hate me if I block him is holding me back. I feel like I’m back to square one - where I was last year - hoping and yearning for his attention and satisfaction with me, and I fucking hate it so much because it makes me feel so weak. How do I stop making myself feel so guilty about what I might miss out on if I do go through with the blocking?TL:DR narcissistic ex comes back into my life, sends me mixed signals, everyone tells me to block him but I’m so spineless and fear feeling guilty after I block him.