Am I [22f] out of line by asking my boyfriend [21m] to not take a job at a strip club?

Tl;dr at the bottom. Formatting might be off, I’m on mobile.

My boyfriend and I have been together since January and I got pregnant right after we started dating. I’m 22 weeks along right now and these hormones have been making me act a bit crazy which is why I’m looking for some outside perspective.

I’ve had some trust issues with him previously (see previous post history) and those + my insecurities from previously relationships have made our relationship rocky but the past few months have been okay. Between talking about us more and the distance, we have been able to work out many of our major issues. We’ve moved apart and see each other on weekends since he works at the bar directly below me Friday and Saturday. He’s a bouncer and he’s been job hopping a lot recently since nowhere can give him the hours he needs.

A couple days ago, he got a job offer from someone he knows who is the owner of a strip club. I’m not sure how many hours it is but it’s really his only job prospect right now (he’s had a couple people suggest he works for them but none of those have worked out). He needs a second job but I’m not comfortable with him working at a strip club, especially one that’s so far out from where either of us live. I have offered to help him with next months rent while he searches for a different job and sticks with his F/S one but he is worried he won’t find one and should take this one while it’s still an option.

My concerns are obviously the trust factor. I don’t fully trust him but I’m working on myself and we’re working on the relationship to get to that point, I just feel like this would backtrack it. The club is also very far out from where either of us live. Being pregnant and the fact that he doesn’t drive make me worry if something was wrong with me or if I went into labor, he wouldn’t have a way to get to me.

I’ve tried making it clear to him that if he had that job when we started hooking up, I don’t think I would have started dating him at all. I had a previous hookup, Z, that ended like that too, where he worked security at a strip club and that was one of the big reasons I didn’t start dating Z in the first place. I think strip clubs are gross and demeaning and am not comfortable dating someone who works at one.

I told my boyfriend that if he takes the job, I’ll be reevaluating our relationship but I don’t see myself being comfortable with it and staying in the relationship. I have a lot of stressors in my life right now in addition to the pregnancy and am worried this will all become too much for me. Am I being a bitch for telling him this? Am I overreacting? A part of me is saying I shouldn’t be willing to break up over this but I don’t want to risk the additional stress on top of everything else.

Tl;dr: Boyfriend needs a second job, got offered one bouncing at a strip club. I am not comfortable with it and am willing to end the relationship if he takes that job because of my person beliefs about strip clubs + my trust issues with him. Am I out of line?

Submitted August 15, 2019 at 12:02AM

Tl;dr at the bottom. Formatting might be off, I’m on mobile.My boyfriend and I have been together since January and I got pregnant right after we started dating. I’m 22 weeks along right now and these hormones have been making me act a bit crazy which is why I’m looking for some outside perspective.I’ve had some trust issues with him previously (see previous post history) and those + my insecurities from previously relationships have made our relationship rocky but the past few months have been okay. Between talking about us more and the distance, we have been able to work out many of our major issues. We’ve moved apart and see each other on weekends since he works at the bar directly below me Friday and Saturday. He’s a bouncer and he’s been job hopping a lot recently since nowhere can give him the hours he needs.A couple days ago, he got a job offer from someone he knows who is the owner of a strip club. I’m not sure how many hours it is but it’s really his only job prospect right now (he’s had a couple people suggest he works for them but none of those have worked out). He needs a second job but I’m not comfortable with him working at a strip club, especially one that’s so far out from where either of us live. I have offered to help him with next months rent while he searches for a different job and sticks with his F/S one but he is worried he won’t find one and should take this one while it’s still an option.My concerns are obviously the trust factor. I don’t fully trust him but I’m working on myself and we’re working on the relationship to get to that point, I just feel like this would backtrack it. The club is also very far out from where either of us live. Being pregnant and the fact that he doesn’t drive make me worry if something was wrong with me or if I went into labor, he wouldn’t have a way to get to me.I’ve tried making it clear to him that if he had that job when we started hooking up, I don’t think I would have started dating him at all. I had a previous hookup, Z, that ended like that too, where he worked security at a strip club and that was one of the big reasons I didn’t start dating Z in the first place. I think strip clubs are gross and demeaning and am not comfortable dating someone who works at one.I told my boyfriend that if he takes the job, I’ll be reevaluating our relationship but I don’t see myself being comfortable with it and staying in the relationship. I have a lot of stressors in my life right now in addition to the pregnancy and am worried this will all become too much for me. Am I being a bitch for telling him this? Am I overreacting? A part of me is saying I shouldn’t be willing to break up over this but I don’t want to risk the additional stress on top of everything else.Tl;dr: Boyfriend needs a second job, got offered one bouncing at a strip club. I am not comfortable with it and am willing to end the relationship if he takes that job because of my person beliefs about strip clubs + my trust issues with him. Am I out of line?