I feel so lost and conflicted despite having everything.

I’m going to rant a bit so I apologise if this post gets a bit ramble-y though I’ll try and keep it to the point.

For the past 5 years of my life I feel like I’ve been battling who I am and who I want to be, I went through High School completely alone I just couldn’t fit in and find out who I am or who I was meant to be though these are all normal teenage experiences I admit it was harder battling it alone.

I went through up and down phases of being disrespectful to teachers and having a negative attitude against a lot of people I admit this was a reaction to being lost and alone and it ended up costing me Year 12.

I graduated High School with the hope of going into Media I was only 17 when I “graduated” or at least left and had my sights set on working something film related I ended up finding myself disliking the subject and dropping out.

I ended up working between three jobs and in November that year I had decided to study Business instead, two semesters later and now I’m doing the third semester with one left to go.

I recently got hired at a Bank allowing me to work between my College hours and still get my Diploma if Business, it’s basically any business students dream to work at a Bank and Study Business as it will easily led me to a job once I graduate with the right networking.

The problem is that nothing has changed, despite being in College I’m still just as lonely as I was in High School, I struggle with a lot of anxiety still and on top of all of it I really do not enjoy business as much as I wanted to. I remember in Year 12 when it was Leavers and everyone was having huge parties and o was working at a Restaurant looking at these stories of people going out and crying, and I feel like these bad experiences have never let me find out who I am or what i am even passionate about.

I had a lot of people at home tell me how much Business suits me and how I supposed to study it but tbh it feels like I’m dying here, I really couldn’t care less about Business and what I’m studying and none of it has me interested.

The Bank job that id been pushing to get for a while also Isn’t that interesting yes it pays well and yes it’s a nice change of pace from all my other jobs but it really feels like I’m so bored in life.

I live with my older sister and Dad and every day I wonder what it would be like if I tried maybe studying in another state get away from this state I live in which I associate with a lot of bad memories and just start fresh maybe try and be more confident in a place I’m not familiar with rather then living in a state I associate all my worst memories in and yes I’m aware change starts from within and yes I know changing locations doesn’t change you but I feel sad and passionless and I still don’t know who I am and I hate it, maybe going out there and putting myself out there in a foreign state studying something else might be an amazing choice.

I don’t know what to do, feel so conflicted inside and on top of all this I have been really struggling to study as well I know business isn’t for me and if it isn’t then what is?

TLDR: struggling to find passion or interest in life

Submitted August 01, 2019 at 11:38PM

I’m going to rant a bit so I apologise if this post gets a bit ramble-y though I’ll try and keep it to the point.For the past 5 years of my life I feel like I’ve been battling who I am and who I want to be, I went through High School completely alone I just couldn’t fit in and find out who I am or who I was meant to be though these are all normal teenage experiences I admit it was harder battling it alone.I went through up and down phases of being disrespectful to teachers and having a negative attitude against a lot of people I admit this was a reaction to being lost and alone and it ended up costing me Year 12.I graduated High School with the hope of going into Media I was only 17 when I “graduated” or at least left and had my sights set on working something film related I ended up finding myself disliking the subject and dropping out.I ended up working between three jobs and in November that year I had decided to study Business instead, two semesters later and now I’m doing the third semester with one left to go.I recently got hired at a Bank allowing me to work between my College hours and still get my Diploma if Business, it’s basically any business students dream to work at a Bank and Study Business as it will easily led me to a job once I graduate with the right networking.The problem is that nothing has changed, despite being in College I’m still just as lonely as I was in High School, I struggle with a lot of anxiety still and on top of all of it I really do not enjoy business as much as I wanted to. I remember in Year 12 when it was Leavers and everyone was having huge parties and o was working at a Restaurant looking at these stories of people going out and crying, and I feel like these bad experiences have never let me find out who I am or what i am even passionate about.I had a lot of people at home tell me how much Business suits me and how I supposed to study it but tbh it feels like I’m dying here, I really couldn’t care less about Business and what I’m studying and none of it has me interested.The Bank job that id been pushing to get for a while also Isn’t that interesting yes it pays well and yes it’s a nice change of pace from all my other jobs but it really feels like I’m so bored in life.I live with my older sister and Dad and every day I wonder what it would be like if I tried maybe studying in another state get away from this state I live in which I associate with a lot of bad memories and just start fresh maybe try and be more confident in a place I’m not familiar with rather then living in a state I associate all my worst memories in and yes I’m aware change starts from within and yes I know changing locations doesn’t change you but I feel sad and passionless and I still don’t know who I am and I hate it, maybe going out there and putting myself out there in a foreign state studying something else might be an amazing choice.I don’t know what to do, feel so conflicted inside and on top of all this I have been really struggling to study as well I know business isn’t for me and if it isn’t then what is?TLDR: struggling to find passion or interest in life