I can't talk to my husband

My husband is a nice guy, works hard, is a good dad, does more than a lot of guys to take care of the house.

But there is no talking to him. He rarely has anything at all to say on his own. If I try to talk to him, he argues and nitpicks everything I say. He's one of those people who will argue about the sky being blue. Or he'll dismiss what I try to express to him (for example, that I need him to talk with me more). He likes to debate with other people, but not to the extent that he does with me and he never dismisses other people the way he does with me. He can talk to other people and he is polite and engaging with them, if a little on the shy side - so it's not a general lack of social skills. I am not an especially talkative person either, but the lack of communication is unsustainable. I pretty much just talk to him about household functioning and scheduling type stuff and sometimes I even avoid that because, like, I don't want to tell him I want to go to a group thing on Tuesday because he'll start complaining about how trendy the restaurant is. Or I don't want to ask him to help with something because he'll make a negative comment about my needing the help.

I could be more clear about this with him, but trying to have a conversation with him can be so demoralizing and hurtful, I feel like I've just given up. He doesn't call me names or anything, just finds other ways to make me feel small or wrong. And I don't think he does it on purpose. But it has happened so many times, I don't know how to keep trying. I'm so scared to broach this topic only to be dismissed again.

Submitted August 09, 2019 at 12:03AM

My husband is a nice guy, works hard, is a good dad, does more than a lot of guys to take care of the house.But there is no talking to him. He rarely has anything at all to say on his own. If I try to talk to him, he argues and nitpicks everything I say. He's one of those people who will argue about the sky being blue. Or he'll dismiss what I try to express to him (for example, that I need him to talk with me more). He likes to debate with other people, but not to the extent that he does with me and he never dismisses other people the way he does with me. He can talk to other people and he is polite and engaging with them, if a little on the shy side - so it's not a general lack of social skills. I am not an especially talkative person either, but the lack of communication is unsustainable. I pretty much just talk to him about household functioning and scheduling type stuff and sometimes I even avoid that because, like, I don't want to tell him I want to go to a group thing on Tuesday because he'll start complaining about how trendy the restaurant is. Or I don't want to ask him to help with something because he'll make a negative comment about my needing the help.I could be more clear about this with him, but trying to have a conversation with him can be so demoralizing and hurtful, I feel like I've just given up. He doesn't call me names or anything, just finds other ways to make me feel small or wrong. And I don't think he does it on purpose. But it has happened so many times, I don't know how to keep trying. I'm so scared to broach this topic only to be dismissed again.