Brothers (28m) Wife (22fm) is turning family relations into a nightmare

OK, i'm going to try and likely fail to keep this short. My brother (lets call him John) and I are the same age (yea were twins lol). We have had a very close relationship our entire lives. SWe are both in our late twenties, and had been playing soccer together every weekend, would se each other at parties and get togethers multiple times a month etc.

I am married- going on 4 years now. My brother has always been something of a serial monogamist, going from one girlfriend to the next, and this time is no different. He started dating a girl, lets call her Katie. Katie seemed nice at first- outgoing and easy to talk to. She came over to some family events, and everything seemed to be going fine. BUt little by little, that facade has been falling apart.

Katie comes from a bad family. Single mom who was very controlling, to the point that she literally had her fingers in every aspect of Katie's life. The rest of her family was addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc you get the point. This has made Katie very jaded, and she has an intense focus on respect and gets offended very easily. Her mom came from a poor background, and to compensate for that stressed hwo important being classy and showing that you had money was to Katie.

My wife and I aren't like that. We are very successful for our age- our household income is about 250k per year, we have 4 houses (3 thaty we rent out). Essentially we are where Katie wants to be, and it causes animosity, because quite admittedly, I dress like a slob, have a lot of friends who aren't "classy" or up to her standards. I live life on my own terms.

She has made a couple of rude comments to me over the last couple of months. At a dinner with me and my wife, she made a comment about how she would "never let her husband wear such a cheap wedding ring" referring to my ring (which I regularly use as a bottle opener lol). She also made a comment once at a bbq at my house that my pants looked "shaggy" and it looked like I couldn't afford better clothing. I confronted her and my brother about these comments as nicely as possible, and they took very much offense to it.

Next- they had been talking about getting engaged for a while. Katies family was very mich against the idea, and my family was tentative about it at best, as they had been dating for well less than a year. They said they understood, got engaged anyway, and then started planning an elaborate wedding. I was going to be the best man, until about a week later, they announced to everyone that they had gone to our local courthouse and gotten married. Literally by themselves, didn't tell anyone. Well, since then (about 2 months ago) Katie's family has literally disowned her, and my family has been trying to be supportive because of how much we love John.

This has led to us going to dinners at their house that we didn't want to, and going out drinking occasionally.

The last time we went out, we ended up going to a night club with Katie, John, and two of Katie's cousins. The whole night, Katie was making my brother hold her drinks, buy her more drinks or give his credit card to her ("John! Card! Now!) and just generally treating him like a friggin doormat. In general he also pays for everything , their apartment, vacations, whatever. She also ended up getting in a loud verbal altercation with her cousin at the nightclub, that ended with her trying to fight him. Shit like this happens every time we go out with them, and we have no interest in doing it again after that experience.

It has been a huge hassle trying to get them out to do anything - they always have an excuse, whether its Katie's anxiety, their lack of money, but if they invite us to soemthing and we decline Katie gets super offended and blows up at us. I haven't seen my brother without her in months, he never goe to events with out friends anymore, and we don't play soccer at all. I asked him if he wanyes to play yesterday and he informed me that "weekdays were for the wife". Well, so apparently are weekends, and every day of his life now. It is also painfully obvious that whenever he is talking with me over text that she is coaching him on what to say.

My brother also asked me a couple days ago if Katie could stay at our place for a week while he was in New Orleans doe work, as she did not like being alone. This, to me anyway, is a huge ask. We both have very demanding jobs and responsibilities, and just don't want someone living with use for a week. I was honestly a little floored that John couldn't find an hour to spend with me during the week, but felt it was ok to ask if his wife could live with us for a week.

At the end of the day, I just don't kjnow what to do., I want to keep a relationship with my brother, but shes beginning to make that impossible, and too difficult. I have a demanding job and manage my own household, the three rentals, a dog etc and don';t have the time or energy for this shit that Katie is pulling. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

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TL:DR Brothers new wife is making it really difficult for me to want to have a relationship with him, don't know what to do

Submitted August 09, 2019 at 12:22AM

OK, i'm going to try and likely fail to keep this short. My brother (lets call him John) and I are the same age (yea were twins lol). We have had a very close relationship our entire lives. SWe are both in our late twenties, and had been playing soccer together every weekend, would se each other at parties and get togethers multiple times a month etc.I am married- going on 4 years now. My brother has always been something of a serial monogamist, going from one girlfriend to the next, and this time is no different. He started dating a girl, lets call her Katie. Katie seemed nice at first- outgoing and easy to talk to. She came over to some family events, and everything seemed to be going fine. BUt little by little, that facade has been falling apart.Katie comes from a bad family. Single mom who was very controlling, to the point that she literally had her fingers in every aspect of Katie's life. The rest of her family was addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc you get the point. This has made Katie very jaded, and she has an intense focus on respect and gets offended very easily. Her mom came from a poor background, and to compensate for that stressed hwo important being classy and showing that you had money was to Katie.My wife and I aren't like that. We are very successful for our age- our household income is about 250k per year, we have 4 houses (3 thaty we rent out). Essentially we are where Katie wants to be, and it causes animosity, because quite admittedly, I dress like a slob, have a lot of friends who aren't "classy" or up to her standards. I live life on my own terms.She has made a couple of rude comments to me over the last couple of months. At a dinner with me and my wife, she made a comment about how she would "never let her husband wear such a cheap wedding ring" referring to my ring (which I regularly use as a bottle opener lol). She also made a comment once at a bbq at my house that my pants looked "shaggy" and it looked like I couldn't afford better clothing. I confronted her and my brother about these comments as nicely as possible, and they took very much offense to it.Next- they had been talking about getting engaged for a while. Katies family was very mich against the idea, and my family was tentative about it at best, as they had been dating for well less than a year. They said they understood, got engaged anyway, and then started planning an elaborate wedding. I was going to be the best man, until about a week later, they announced to everyone that they had gone to our local courthouse and gotten married. Literally by themselves, didn't tell anyone. Well, since then (about 2 months ago) Katie's family has literally disowned her, and my family has been trying to be supportive because of how much we love John.This has led to us going to dinners at their house that we didn't want to, and going out drinking occasionally.The last time we went out, we ended up going to a night club with Katie, John, and two of Katie's cousins. The whole night, Katie was making my brother hold her drinks, buy her more drinks or give his credit card to her ("John! Card! Now!) and just generally treating him like a friggin doormat. In general he also pays for everything , their apartment, vacations, whatever. She also ended up getting in a loud verbal altercation with her cousin at the nightclub, that ended with her trying to fight him. Shit like this happens every time we go out with them, and we have no interest in doing it again after that experience.It has been a huge hassle trying to get them out to do anything - they always have an excuse, whether its Katie's anxiety, their lack of money, but if they invite us to soemthing and we decline Katie gets super offended and blows up at us. I haven't seen my brother without her in months, he never goe to events with out friends anymore, and we don't play soccer at all. I asked him if he wanyes to play yesterday and he informed me that "weekdays were for the wife". Well, so apparently are weekends, and every day of his life now. It is also painfully obvious that whenever he is talking with me over text that she is coaching him on what to say.My brother also asked me a couple days ago if Katie could stay at our place for a week while he was in New Orleans doe work, as she did not like being alone. This, to me anyway, is a huge ask. We both have very demanding jobs and responsibilities, and just don't want someone living with use for a week. I was honestly a little floored that John couldn't find an hour to spend with me during the week, but felt it was ok to ask if his wife could live with us for a week.At the end of the day, I just don't kjnow what to do., I want to keep a relationship with my brother, but shes beginning to make that impossible, and too difficult. I have a demanding job and manage my own household, the three rentals, a dog etc and don';t have the time or energy for this shit that Katie is pulling. Advice would be greatly appreciated.​TL:DR Brothers new wife is making it really difficult for me to want to have a relationship with him, don't know what to do