Gf left me at a horrible time, can't focus anymore

Did you know we were already a week into August? I didn't, because I haven't been able to get a restful sleep since mid-to-late July. Just a few days after my birthday, I called my girlfriend for a nice chat because she loves when I call her first. It went terribly though, she started blowing up on me for things she was assuming and I couldn't keep up with dissuading her and it turned into a huge argument because I couldn't keep my cool while she was yelling at me. She left me for it, no ceremony or anything just dumped me like I was trash.

In the days that followed immediately, I had to deal with: The only friends I had left getting into a love triangle; two guys fighting over one of the women and she came to me for help because she saw me as an older brother (despite being two years younger than her...) And she was so uncomfortable she just wanted to run away from everything. In protecting her, I became a traitor in their eyes and they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. It sucks but this one I brought on myself. Also a different friend making some pretty direct advances on me despite me saying I'm not ready and still heartbroken.

My mother getting hospitalized and had to be watched for sepsis. In the meantime, I had to make sure all of my little siblings had everything they need to go back to school and a way to get to and from the building. Basically every morning I have to wake up and get all three of them out the house and onto 3 different buses safely and one is pretty far away, so I have to "wake up" early.

My grandmother tried to help during this time but while we were out, she lost all feeling in her legs. I had to hold my grandmother up and watch her cry from pain and panic where she admitted this happens sometimes and terrifies her. That mental image haunts the hell out of my mind these days.

And lastly having to deal with my uncle and father, who are both just so happy to tell me how disappointing I am and what I should be doing and to get over her faster. Lovely.

Interwoven in all of this, she pops back up some days later and just starts telling me what I need to be better at, no apology or anything even though she LEFT me. She gets offended at the notion she's done anything wrong and we don't talk again. A few days later I message her that I forgive her, I wanted to sooner but everything above happening just drains the hell out of me every day... We finally get to chat and she doesn't want me back. Her mental health can't handle it but says maybe I could be a friend. I can't, I love her and have told her often and that just doesn't go away. My last ex said the exact same thing and I got heartbroken seeing her get a new man, because I still had hope.

I can't sleep at night, I can't eat much, even on the rare occasions I want to and end up stuffing myself because I think I'll die if I don't. I can't maintain focus, this post has taken me 2 hours to write because I just can't keep my shit together long enough to finish. I still love her. Dearly. She's having fun and laughing and smiling without me; happy without me but I'm miserable.

I don't know if I should just be a friend and take the pain of her getting with someone else when it comes or just suffer through this. It feels like my choices are pain now or pain later and this aching feeling in my chest gets worse when I consider either.

Tl;dr Girlfriend left, life went to shit. Do I continue suffering now or be a friend and suffer later when she moves on? Sorry for the novel btw, a lot to vent

Submitted August 09, 2019 at 12:03AM

Did you know we were already a week into August? I didn't, because I haven't been able to get a restful sleep since mid-to-late July. Just a few days after my birthday, I called my girlfriend for a nice chat because she loves when I call her first. It went terribly though, she started blowing up on me for things she was assuming and I couldn't keep up with dissuading her and it turned into a huge argument because I couldn't keep my cool while she was yelling at me. She left me for it, no ceremony or anything just dumped me like I was trash.In the days that followed immediately, I had to deal with: The only friends I had left getting into a love triangle; two guys fighting over one of the women and she came to me for help because she saw me as an older brother (despite being two years younger than her...) And she was so uncomfortable she just wanted to run away from everything. In protecting her, I became a traitor in their eyes and they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. It sucks but this one I brought on myself. Also a different friend making some pretty direct advances on me despite me saying I'm not ready and still heartbroken.My mother getting hospitalized and had to be watched for sepsis. In the meantime, I had to make sure all of my little siblings had everything they need to go back to school and a way to get to and from the building. Basically every morning I have to wake up and get all three of them out the house and onto 3 different buses safely and one is pretty far away, so I have to "wake up" early.My grandmother tried to help during this time but while we were out, she lost all feeling in her legs. I had to hold my grandmother up and watch her cry from pain and panic where she admitted this happens sometimes and terrifies her. That mental image haunts the hell out of my mind these days.And lastly having to deal with my uncle and father, who are both just so happy to tell me how disappointing I am and what I should be doing and to get over her faster. Lovely.Interwoven in all of this, she pops back up some days later and just starts telling me what I need to be better at, no apology or anything even though she LEFT me. She gets offended at the notion she's done anything wrong and we don't talk again. A few days later I message her that I forgive her, I wanted to sooner but everything above happening just drains the hell out of me every day... We finally get to chat and she doesn't want me back. Her mental health can't handle it but says maybe I could be a friend. I can't, I love her and have told her often and that just doesn't go away. My last ex said the exact same thing and I got heartbroken seeing her get a new man, because I still had hope.I can't sleep at night, I can't eat much, even on the rare occasions I want to and end up stuffing myself because I think I'll die if I don't. I can't maintain focus, this post has taken me 2 hours to write because I just can't keep my shit together long enough to finish. I still love her. Dearly. She's having fun and laughing and smiling without me; happy without me but I'm miserable.I don't know if I should just be a friend and take the pain of her getting with someone else when it comes or just suffer through this. It feels like my choices are pain now or pain later and this aching feeling in my chest gets worse when I consider either.Tl;dr Girlfriend left, life went to shit. Do I continue suffering now or be a friend and suffer later when she moves on? Sorry for the novel btw, a lot to vent