My sister [25f] and her long-time boyfriend [27m] took me [24x] in when I was homeless, but they haven’t stopped alienating me ever since then.

Apologizing in advance for the long post. TL;DR at the bottom.

Edit: I just realized the title sounds a bit accusatory. What I meant was that I feel like I’m being alienated.

I was living with my parents and we had a massive fight over something tiny, which ended in them immediately kicking me out of their house. That was around 6 months ago. I had nowhere to go, so I asked my sister if I could stay there. I only expected to be staying for a few days initially as I expected the fight to blow over, but my parents ended up not allowing me back. My sister and her boyfriend, who have been dating for several years now, graciously offered for me to stay with them long-term. For the first few months I stayed on the couch as they only had a small 1 bedroom apartment. We found a bigger place and have all been living there for a month now as equal roommates.

-My sister and her boyfriend are both very type-A people, both a bit stuck up... I am very type-B, a very laid-back person. We end up butting heads a lot because of this. I accepted it the first few months because I was a guest in their home, but now that we are equal roommates in the new place it’s getting very frustrating. For example, they both need the house to be extremely clean, whereas I do not care as much. I literally do not see the messes that bother them the vast majority of the time. I try to reasonably clean up after myself, but it’s never enough for them and they are always frustrated at me for being messy. My ADHD also makes it difficult to remember to do certain things, which they seem to take as a personal attack some of the time.

-They seem to feel the need to “parent” me. I don’t really know why.... it stresses them out a lot, and it’s unwelcome on my end.... and when they are stressed they tend to take it out on me (being more snappy/rude than usual, for example). Sometimes it’s nice, like when i need assistance to do normal adult things, but it’s nonstop and very stressful to me when I’m clearly causing them to feel stressed out. Part of ADHD is rejection sensitivity, which is basically like a severe reaction to perceived rejection (even if it’s not intended/real), and my rejection sensitivity is big on this kind of thing (when the “atmosphere” feels off or people are sending “you are a nuisance” vibes).

-They do not allow me any sort of responsibility. All the bills and rent go through the two of them, I’m not allowed to be listed. If I want to do something like talk to the rental company about getting the dishwasher fixed, I have to ask them for permission and they will decide whether they want to do it or not (usually not, unless it’s one of them that want something).

-They insist on splitting everything equally in terms of bills, but do not make it easy to do. For example, if we are grocery shopping, they choose the most expensive items that I will not use and expect me to pay a third, and then when it comes to be register I ask the cashier to split it into thirds right there so we can each pay equally, but one of them insists on paying in full and then dividing some sort of weird system to pay them back, often via e-transfers. I suggested we get the app Splitwise to make this easier, but they refuse to use it for some reason. Everything is the same way, even things like furniture. Why should I pay a third for an expensive stand-up fan/air filter when I didn’t want to get it in the first place and won’t be allowed to take it when I move out?

-They need to control everything. All the decor is their style, things go where they want them to go, the house is organized the way they want it to be, etc. No matter what I say, they ignore me and do it their own way. Again, when I was a guest in their house I was okay with it, but now that we are equal roommates it’s very irritating.

-They constantly make demeaning jokes about me... Jokes about how I should be living in the pantry, about how I’m like a pet dog to them, etc. I can take jokes well, but all day every day for months on end, in addition to my already existing severe mental illnesses.... gets old quick.

I’ve always been very close with my sister, and we very rarely get into fights. I am currently a broke and unemployed student with a lot of mental health problems, just trying to get through each day.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting here... I have a lot of trauma over being alienated and they both know this, but they don’t seem to care or realize that it’s what they are doing.

TL;DR: I was homeless, my sister and her boyfriend offered to take me in long-term. I slept on their couch for a few months but now we are now equal roommates. They are very type-A and controlling, whereas I am the exact opposite. They make constant jokes about me, baby me, expect me to share finances with them, and refuse to allow me any degree of responsibility, and in general just expect me to live by their whims and standards. I am a broke, unemployed, and mentally ill student with nowhere else to go. What should I do?

Submitted July 04, 2019 at 12:10AM

Apologizing in advance for the long post. TL;DR at the bottom.Edit: I just realized the title sounds a bit accusatory. What I meant was that I feel like I’m being alienated.I was living with my parents and we had a massive fight over something tiny, which ended in them immediately kicking me out of their house. That was around 6 months ago. I had nowhere to go, so I asked my sister if I could stay there. I only expected to be staying for a few days initially as I expected the fight to blow over, but my parents ended up not allowing me back. My sister and her boyfriend, who have been dating for several years now, graciously offered for me to stay with them long-term. For the first few months I stayed on the couch as they only had a small 1 bedroom apartment. We found a bigger place and have all been living there for a month now as equal roommates.-My sister and her boyfriend are both very type-A people, both a bit stuck up... I am very type-B, a very laid-back person. We end up butting heads a lot because of this. I accepted it the first few months because I was a guest in their home, but now that we are equal roommates in the new place it’s getting very frustrating. For example, they both need the house to be extremely clean, whereas I do not care as much. I literally do not see the messes that bother them the vast majority of the time. I try to reasonably clean up after myself, but it’s never enough for them and they are always frustrated at me for being messy. My ADHD also makes it difficult to remember to do certain things, which they seem to take as a personal attack some of the time.-They seem to feel the need to “parent” me. I don’t really know why.... it stresses them out a lot, and it’s unwelcome on my end.... and when they are stressed they tend to take it out on me (being more snappy/rude than usual, for example). Sometimes it’s nice, like when i need assistance to do normal adult things, but it’s nonstop and very stressful to me when I’m clearly causing them to feel stressed out. Part of ADHD is rejection sensitivity, which is basically like a severe reaction to perceived rejection (even if it’s not intended/real), and my rejection sensitivity is big on this kind of thing (when the “atmosphere” feels off or people are sending “you are a nuisance” vibes).-They do not allow me any sort of responsibility. All the bills and rent go through the two of them, I’m not allowed to be listed. If I want to do something like talk to the rental company about getting the dishwasher fixed, I have to ask them for permission and they will decide whether they want to do it or not (usually not, unless it’s one of them that want something).-They insist on splitting everything equally in terms of bills, but do not make it easy to do. For example, if we are grocery shopping, they choose the most expensive items that I will not use and expect me to pay a third, and then when it comes to be register I ask the cashier to split it into thirds right there so we can each pay equally, but one of them insists on paying in full and then dividing some sort of weird system to pay them back, often via e-transfers. I suggested we get the app Splitwise to make this easier, but they refuse to use it for some reason. Everything is the same way, even things like furniture. Why should I pay a third for an expensive stand-up fan/air filter when I didn’t want to get it in the first place and won’t be allowed to take it when I move out?-They need to control everything. All the decor is their style, things go where they want them to go, the house is organized the way they want it to be, etc. No matter what I say, they ignore me and do it their own way. Again, when I was a guest in their house I was okay with it, but now that we are equal roommates it’s very irritating.-They constantly make demeaning jokes about me... Jokes about how I should be living in the pantry, about how I’m like a pet dog to them, etc. I can take jokes well, but all day every day for months on end, in addition to my already existing severe mental illnesses.... gets old quick.I’ve always been very close with my sister, and we very rarely get into fights. I am currently a broke and unemployed student with a lot of mental health problems, just trying to get through each day.I don’t know if I’m overreacting here... I have a lot of trauma over being alienated and they both know this, but they don’t seem to care or realize that it’s what they are doing.TL;DR: I was homeless, my sister and her boyfriend offered to take me in long-term. I slept on their couch for a few months but now we are now equal roommates. They are very type-A and controlling, whereas I am the exact opposite. They make constant jokes about me, baby me, expect me to share finances with them, and refuse to allow me any degree of responsibility, and in general just expect me to live by their whims and standards. I am a broke, unemployed, and mentally ill student with nowhere else to go. What should I do?