Me (25f) and my sister (19f) have a blowout fight over moving without her

Okay so a little history: my siblings and I (the oldest) come from a very abusive home, we were removed and placed with family members and Group homes. and I’ve always felt like I had to take care of them. We all have ptsd and bipolar etc. Dad is not in the picture, mom tries to be but she kind of sucks.

My sister (19f) we will call her B, had been living with my grandmother but she didn’t like it so she moved in with her boyfriend and his mom.

I live with my fiancé and our son (1). B tells me how uncomfortable she is living with her boyfriend and his mother, how she feels unwelcome, etcetera. My fiancé and I talk it over and offer her our 3rd bedroom, rent free, we buy her a bed and everything.

Well B has a way of embellishing things: Since she moved in a few months ago, she will spend weeks at a time staying at her boyfriends house and essentially uses my house as a place to shower and a storage unit. It makes me upset because how uncomfortable could she of felt there if she’s always there anyway? I also want my house to be a home and not a hotel. I did not think it would be like this.

A few months pass and me and fiancé start talking about moving closer to his work in another state. B jumps in and starts looking at places with very expensive rent (mind you she does not work or have a car) and I let it go because I didn’t want to start a confrontation and figured we’d cross that bridge when we got closer to our goal.

I talked it over with my fiancé, we did not want to pay higher rent on a 3bedroom instead of a 2 just for her to never be there anyway. I talked it over with my therapist as well, because I wanted to talk to B about us moving forward and what her plans were, but I was nervous because she is EXPLOSIVE when things don’t go her way.

I followed my therapists advice and took my family’s wishes into consideration, and when B was home I started up the conversation.

Me: hey B you might not like this conversation but we have to have it and I don’t want it to be an end all be all to our relationship we can just talk it out like sisters, but we were thinking about moving on from here and since you’re never here we wanted to get a cheaper 2 bedroom, it kind of feels like a hotel right now and I just want some normalcy for my son and my life. I’m not kicking you out, we wouldn’t even be moving until about 6 months from now so you’re welcome to stay, but do you have any plans for the future?

B: uncomfortably silent for what seems like an hour and I’m waiting for the explosion no my boyfriend is going off to college and I can’t live with grandma I hate it there

Me: ok what about moms house? She isn’t abusive and she has a room for you

B: no I don’t even have a relationship with her

Me: ok so say you never moved in here and bf went off to college, what was your plan

B: I was just gonna stay at his moms house and wait for him to come back on weekends

At this point I’m very frustrated because she has a ridiculous answer for everything, but I keep calm and tell her well I think she should move in with our mother. It’s uncomfortably silent again and she storms off to her room. I’m like okay whatever I have a baby to take care of, she can be upset that’s fine. Two hours pass by and I hear her stomping around packing up her things and taking them into the hallway, slamming doors. I ask her what she’s doing and she tells me she’s going back to her bf’s house in an angry tone. I don’t want to engage with her so I leave her alone and put baby to bed.

She then comes into the room and tells me “it’s not cohesive for her to live here anymore” and that it’s too uncomfortable.

Me: B, no one here wants to kick you to the curb we told you you could stay, no one hates you I’m sorry you feel uncomfortable but I’m not doing anything to try and make you feel like that. I thought i Iet you know pretty gently

B: no you fucking didn’t you weren’t nice and it was so out of the blue you could’ve told me sooner

Me: B that doesn’t make any sense any time I told you would’ve been out of the blue! There’s never a good time for it! And yes I was nice! (I was getting angry at this point)

B: yeah well you have fiancé and baby here, things are easier for you! I have to go see my boyfriend!

I was seeing red at that comment, things have NEVER been easy for me. I worked really fucking hard to heal from my past and start a family of my own. I couldn’t believe the audacity of that comment and I told her so!

B: just basically telling me I suck, not even a single thank you for taking her in, nothing. Telling me how hard her life is because ~her boyfriend~ in a raised voice

I can’t take when people yell at me, it’s a ptsd thing I go into defense mode. I yell back telling her OK YOU WANNA SEE MEAN B? I tell to dump her loser fucking boyfriend then if he’s making things so hard, he’s gonna go off to college while you sit here with no job living off family members and wait around like an idiot. I tell her it’s not my fucking problem, and to leave me alone.

She takes a fighting stance and gets close to melike she’s gonna hit me, so I go into mom mode and tell her to get out of my face and go to her fucking room, she walks off muttering insults so I called her a dumb bitch. I am ashamed of going off on her about her boyfriend and the bitch comment and go to my room to cry. I come out and she’s gone and I’m just very upset about how things ended, I just wanted it to be a normal conversation not an explosive one... I’m exasperated and at my wits end because everyone on my side of the family acts like this and I just want to have a normal relationship.

tl;dr: my little sister has been living off of my family (fiancé and son) and when I mentioned moving into a new place without her in 6 months, she threw a hissy fit and we blew up at each other

Submitted June 27, 2019 at 12:15AM

Okay so a little history: my siblings and I (the oldest) come from a very abusive home, we were removed and placed with family members and Group homes. and I’ve always felt like I had to take care of them. We all have ptsd and bipolar etc. Dad is not in the picture, mom tries to be but she kind of sucks.My sister (19f) we will call her B, had been living with my grandmother but she didn’t like it so she moved in with her boyfriend and his mom.I live with my fiancé and our son (1). B tells me how uncomfortable she is living with her boyfriend and his mother, how she feels unwelcome, etcetera. My fiancé and I talk it over and offer her our 3rd bedroom, rent free, we buy her a bed and everything.Well B has a way of embellishing things: Since she moved in a few months ago, she will spend weeks at a time staying at her boyfriends house and essentially uses my house as a place to shower and a storage unit. It makes me upset because how uncomfortable could she of felt there if she’s always there anyway? I also want my house to be a home and not a hotel. I did not think it would be like this.A few months pass and me and fiancé start talking about moving closer to his work in another state. B jumps in and starts looking at places with very expensive rent (mind you she does not work or have a car) and I let it go because I didn’t want to start a confrontation and figured we’d cross that bridge when we got closer to our goal.I talked it over with my fiancé, we did not want to pay higher rent on a 3bedroom instead of a 2 just for her to never be there anyway. I talked it over with my therapist as well, because I wanted to talk to B about us moving forward and what her plans were, but I was nervous because she is EXPLOSIVE when things don’t go her way.I followed my therapists advice and took my family’s wishes into consideration, and when B was home I started up the conversation.Me: hey B you might not like this conversation but we have to have it and I don’t want it to be an end all be all to our relationship we can just talk it out like sisters, but we were thinking about moving on from here and since you’re never here we wanted to get a cheaper 2 bedroom, it kind of feels like a hotel right now and I just want some normalcy for my son and my life. I’m not kicking you out, we wouldn’t even be moving until about 6 months from now so you’re welcome to stay, but do you have any plans for the future?B: uncomfortably silent for what seems like an hour and I’m waiting for the explosion no my boyfriend is going off to college and I can’t live with grandma I hate it thereMe: ok what about moms house? She isn’t abusive and she has a room for youB: no I don’t even have a relationship with herMe: ok so say you never moved in here and bf went off to college, what was your planB: I was just gonna stay at his moms house and wait for him to come back on weekendsAt this point I’m very frustrated because she has a ridiculous answer for everything, but I keep calm and tell her well I think she should move in with our mother. It’s uncomfortably silent again and she storms off to her room. I’m like okay whatever I have a baby to take care of, she can be upset that’s fine. Two hours pass by and I hear her stomping around packing up her things and taking them into the hallway, slamming doors. I ask her what she’s doing and she tells me she’s going back to her bf’s house in an angry tone. I don’t want to engage with her so I leave her alone and put baby to bed.She then comes into the room and tells me “it’s not cohesive for her to live here anymore” and that it’s too uncomfortable.Me: B, no one here wants to kick you to the curb we told you you could stay, no one hates you I’m sorry you feel uncomfortable but I’m not doing anything to try and make you feel like that. I thought i Iet you know pretty gentlyB: no you fucking didn’t you weren’t nice and it was so out of the blue you could’ve told me soonerMe: B that doesn’t make any sense any time I told you would’ve been out of the blue! There’s never a good time for it! And yes I was nice! (I was getting angry at this point)B: yeah well you have fiancé and baby here, things are easier for you! I have to go see my boyfriend!I was seeing red at that comment, things have NEVER been easy for me. I worked really fucking hard to heal from my past and start a family of my own. I couldn’t believe the audacity of that comment and I told her so!B: just basically telling me I suck, not even a single thank you for taking her in, nothing. Telling me how hard her life is because ~her boyfriend~ in a raised voiceI can’t take when people yell at me, it’s a ptsd thing I go into defense mode. I yell back telling her OK YOU WANNA SEE MEAN B? I tell to dump her loser fucking boyfriend then if he’s making things so hard, he’s gonna go off to college while you sit here with no job living off family members and wait around like an idiot. I tell her it’s not my fucking problem, and to leave me alone.She takes a fighting stance and gets close to melike she’s gonna hit me, so I go into mom mode and tell her to get out of my face and go to her fucking room, she walks off muttering insults so I called her a dumb bitch. I am ashamed of going off on her about her boyfriend and the bitch comment and go to my room to cry. I come out and she’s gone and I’m just very upset about how things ended, I just wanted it to be a normal conversation not an explosive one... I’m exasperated and at my wits end because everyone on my side of the family acts like this and I just want to have a normal relationship.tl;dr: my little sister has been living off of my family (fiancé and son) and when I mentioned moving into a new place without her in 6 months, she threw a hissy fit and we blew up at each other