I (22F) am going to temporarily be in a position of being financially reliant upon my boyfriend (22M) and I'm completely terrified.

Basically I wound up in a crappy situation (see post history for more info) where I'm going to be unable to work for five weeks, nowhere to live, about $150 to my name and my boyfriend's family is very kindly taking me in for that time. My boyfriend is extremely, wonderfully supportive of me in every way. We have a fantastic, healthy relationship and I'm really bad at trusting people but I try my hardest to let myself trust him.

My mom has had a series of terrible, toxic, abusive marriages through my childhood. I clearly remember many lectures she has given me about keeping finances separate and never, under any circumstances, allowing yourself to be financially dependent on a significant other. I know, logically, my boyfriend and his family are not going to use money to control and manipulate me (like my own family does to me...that's part of why I'm in this situation). My mom is pretty upset that I'm moving in with his family instead of living at home but I can't go back to her house and my boyfriend has all but forbidden that I go back because he knows how very harmful being at home is for me.

Despite all this I still feel the urge to go back home to keep the peace with my mom and because I'm so scared of allowing myself to be financially supported by my boyfriend. His family is well off and he has a really well paying job. They regularly host exchange students so it is really no burden to them to have an extra person. I will be helping out around the house in exchange for living with them, something that I insisted upon. But the other option right now is basically going back to being under actual financial control and manipulation from my parents.

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tl;dr I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that is is not unhealthy and terrible to be financially dependent on a significant other, or advice on how to maintain healthy boundaries with all of this.



Submitted June 27, 2019 at 12:05AM

Basically I wound up in a crappy situation (see post history for more info) where I'm going to be unable to work for five weeks, nowhere to live, about $150 to my name and my boyfriend's family is very kindly taking me in for that time. My boyfriend is extremely, wonderfully supportive of me in every way. We have a fantastic, healthy relationship and I'm really bad at trusting people but I try my hardest to let myself trust him.My mom has had a series of terrible, toxic, abusive marriages through my childhood. I clearly remember many lectures she has given me about keeping finances separate and never, under any circumstances, allowing yourself to be financially dependent on a significant other. I know, logically, my boyfriend and his family are not going to use money to control and manipulate me (like my own family does to me...that's part of why I'm in this situation). My mom is pretty upset that I'm moving in with his family instead of living at home but I can't go back to her house and my boyfriend has all but forbidden that I go back because he knows how very harmful being at home is for me.Despite all this I still feel the urge to go back home to keep the peace with my mom and because I'm so scared of allowing myself to be financially supported by my boyfriend. His family is well off and he has a really well paying job. They regularly host exchange students so it is really no burden to them to have an extra person. I will be helping out around the house in exchange for living with them, something that I insisted upon. But the other option right now is basically going back to being under actual financial control and manipulation from my parents.​tl;dr I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that is is not unhealthy and terrible to be financially dependent on a significant other, or advice on how to maintain healthy boundaries with all of this.
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