I (22F) am going to temporarily be in a position of being financially reliant upon my boyfriend (22M) and I'm completely terrified.

Basically I wound up in a crappy situation (see post history for more info) where I'm going to be unable to work for five weeks, nowhere to live, about $150 to my name and my boyfriend's family is very kindly taking me in for that time. My boyfriend is extremely, wonderfully supportive of me in every way. We have a fantastic, healthy relationship and I'm really bad at trusting people but I try my hardest to let myself trust him.

My mom has had a series of terrible, toxic, abusive marriages through my childhood. I clearly remember many lectures she has given me about keeping finances separate and never, under any circumstances, allowing yourself to be financially dependent on a significant other. I know, logically, my boyfriend and his family are not going to use money to control and manipulate me (like my own family does to me...that's part of why I'm in this situation). My mom is pretty upset that I'm moving in with his family instead of living at home but I can't go back to her house and my boyfriend has all but forbidden that I go back because he knows how very harmful being at home is for me.

Despite all this I still feel the urge to go back home to keep the peace with my mom and because I'm so scared of allowing myself to be financially supported by my boyfriend. His family is well off and he has a really well paying job. They regularly host exchange students so it is really no burden to them to have an extra person. I will be helping out around the house in exchange for living with them, something that I insisted upon. But the other option right now is basically going back to being under actual financial control and manipulation from my parents.

​

tl;dr I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that is is not unhealthy and terrible to be financially dependent on a significant other, or advice on how to maintain healthy boundaries with all of this.



Submitted June 27, 2019 at 12:05AM

Basically I wound up in a crappy situation (see post history for more info) where I'm going to be unable to work for five weeks, nowhere to live, about $150 to my name and my boyfriend's family is very kindly taking me in for that time. My boyfriend is extremely, wonderfully supportive of me in every way. We have a fantastic, healthy relationship and I'm really bad at trusting people but I try my hardest to let myself trust him.My mom has had a series of terrible, toxic, abusive marriages through my childhood. I clearly remember many lectures she has given me about keeping finances separate and never, under any circumstances, allowing yourself to be financially dependent on a significant other. I know, logically, my boyfriend and his family are not going to use money to control and manipulate me (like my own family does to me...that's part of why I'm in this situation). My mom is pretty upset that I'm moving in with his family instead of living at home but I can't go back to her house and my boyfriend has all but forbidden that I go back because he knows how very harmful being at home is for me.Despite all this I still feel the urge to go back home to keep the peace with my mom and because I'm so scared of allowing myself to be financially supported by my boyfriend. His family is well off and he has a really well paying job. They regularly host exchange students so it is really no burden to them to have an extra person. I will be helping out around the house in exchange for living with them, something that I insisted upon. But the other option right now is basically going back to being under actual financial control and manipulation from my parents.​tl;dr I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that is is not unhealthy and terrible to be financially dependent on a significant other, or advice on how to maintain healthy boundaries with all of this.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more