Casual relationship with women abruptly ended.

So about 8 months ago I went on Tinder and met this cute girl. You know how it goes, got her number, got to talking and got to know each other. She’s 23 and I’m 26. We both agreed to keeping it casual as neither of us was ready for any committed relationship. For the last 8 months we’ve been seeing each other, we became very close but agreed to keep the terms of non-commitment.

Throughout these 8 months we’ve argued atleast 3 times about how she felt worried that we were getting too close. I assured her that she can see other people, I’ve been doing it. We spoke every single day, I knew about her life. When the fights happened I asked her if she wanted to end this casual set up, I asked if I make her happy, she said I do and we continued forward.

Around 2 weeks ago her work colleague was murdered. Despite the fact that they weren’t close, this affected her badly. She’s mentioned that she feels fucked up mentally and she’s not sure how she feels anymore. I suggested talking to people, but she no longer sees her friends as much. I essentially became her main confidante and friend, she told me about her ambitions, worries etc. I said she needed another outlook.

Last week we meet up the usual Saturday, she explains what happened to her colleague. We go back to my place, she has bad allergies so I take care of her. As she’s lying on the bed she says I love you. I’m a dumbass so naturally I respond with ‘I love me too’ and we laugh it off. Later on I tell her I love her too. Everything is going well, we meet up at her work for lunch on Tuesday, have a good time. Thursday come around and she says she can’t make Saturday coz of money issues. I say I can pay for the food and whatever else, she says it’s a principal. I tell her we don’t see each other that much, it’s a small compromise. We end up fighting about this, she talks about how mentally she’s in a weird space and it feels like she said I love you preemptively and we’re too close. I tell her, again, that there’s still no commitment, we haven’t changed those rules, if I don’t make her happy and she doesn’t want to be around me I’ll leave. She always had the option of seeing other people. She asks if we’re on hiatus, I said if that’s what she wants, she said no. Despite this, being an idiot again, I felt weird and didn’t speak to her for 2 days. That Saturday I sent her a message saying that we I agreed with her when she said we have something good going and I also care about her a lot, we shouldn’t let this fall. She tells me it’s not that she wants to see other people, that she doesn’t want to see anyone and she thinks we need space (despite the fact that we’re still not officially together). She says she doesn’t want to be responsible for others feelings and she wants to have fun, she has no mental space right now to be with someone. I suggest a physical, FWB set up and she agrees. So I give her space.

The next day she hits me up, sends a little heart and we make small talk, despite the fact that this was supposed to be me giving her space. Tuesday I respond to her last message, and today she respond back by telling me she doesn’t want purely physical coz mentally she can’t separate our history from the sexual side of things. I ask her what this means. She maintains that she doesn’t want to hurt anybody, that she just wants to be alone. I ask her why she suddenly wants me out of her life. She says that we got too comfortable, in a way that doesn’t sit right with her, not really explaining what that means to me. I ask her what changed in the space of a few days, where we were together saying she cares about me and loves me, to this scenario. She says her headspace just flipped. I tell her that she said I love you first and made it weird considering our set up. She tells me to forget that she said she loves me. So I end off by saying she knows where I am if she wants to talk. She says we can still meet up for coffee on Saturday but she doesn’t want to mess me around.

Sorry for the long ass essay, I’m just confused as to how, in the space of under a week she went from saying I love you to not even wanting our initial physical set up. Whenever we were together I could see how happy she was, she said I made her happy and when she thinks of a good time she thinks of me. I don’t know if we did get too close. Right now I’m just going to go on with my life but the switch up really gets to me. If it’s another guy it’s fine, coz honestly I was talking to other women coz again, we were never officially together. Anybody else go through anything like this?

TL;DR girl [23] I’ve [M26] been having a casual relationship with for the last 8 months recently lost a colleague. She went from saying I love you to being in a headspace where she wants to be alone and doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Confused about how this all changed in the space of a few days.

Submitted June 26, 2019 at 11:49PM

So about 8 months ago I went on Tinder and met this cute girl. You know how it goes, got her number, got to talking and got to know each other. She’s 23 and I’m 26. We both agreed to keeping it casual as neither of us was ready for any committed relationship. For the last 8 months we’ve been seeing each other, we became very close but agreed to keep the terms of non-commitment.Throughout these 8 months we’ve argued atleast 3 times about how she felt worried that we were getting too close. I assured her that she can see other people, I’ve been doing it. We spoke every single day, I knew about her life. When the fights happened I asked her if she wanted to end this casual set up, I asked if I make her happy, she said I do and we continued forward.Around 2 weeks ago her work colleague was murdered. Despite the fact that they weren’t close, this affected her badly. She’s mentioned that she feels fucked up mentally and she’s not sure how she feels anymore. I suggested talking to people, but she no longer sees her friends as much. I essentially became her main confidante and friend, she told me about her ambitions, worries etc. I said she needed another outlook.Last week we meet up the usual Saturday, she explains what happened to her colleague. We go back to my place, she has bad allergies so I take care of her. As she’s lying on the bed she says I love you. I’m a dumbass so naturally I respond with ‘I love me too’ and we laugh it off. Later on I tell her I love her too. Everything is going well, we meet up at her work for lunch on Tuesday, have a good time. Thursday come around and she says she can’t make Saturday coz of money issues. I say I can pay for the food and whatever else, she says it’s a principal. I tell her we don’t see each other that much, it’s a small compromise. We end up fighting about this, she talks about how mentally she’s in a weird space and it feels like she said I love you preemptively and we’re too close. I tell her, again, that there’s still no commitment, we haven’t changed those rules, if I don’t make her happy and she doesn’t want to be around me I’ll leave. She always had the option of seeing other people. She asks if we’re on hiatus, I said if that’s what she wants, she said no. Despite this, being an idiot again, I felt weird and didn’t speak to her for 2 days. That Saturday I sent her a message saying that we I agreed with her when she said we have something good going and I also care about her a lot, we shouldn’t let this fall. She tells me it’s not that she wants to see other people, that she doesn’t want to see anyone and she thinks we need space (despite the fact that we’re still not officially together). She says she doesn’t want to be responsible for others feelings and she wants to have fun, she has no mental space right now to be with someone. I suggest a physical, FWB set up and she agrees. So I give her space.The next day she hits me up, sends a little heart and we make small talk, despite the fact that this was supposed to be me giving her space. Tuesday I respond to her last message, and today she respond back by telling me she doesn’t want purely physical coz mentally she can’t separate our history from the sexual side of things. I ask her what this means. She maintains that she doesn’t want to hurt anybody, that she just wants to be alone. I ask her why she suddenly wants me out of her life. She says that we got too comfortable, in a way that doesn’t sit right with her, not really explaining what that means to me. I ask her what changed in the space of a few days, where we were together saying she cares about me and loves me, to this scenario. She says her headspace just flipped. I tell her that she said I love you first and made it weird considering our set up. She tells me to forget that she said she loves me. So I end off by saying she knows where I am if she wants to talk. She says we can still meet up for coffee on Saturday but she doesn’t want to mess me around.Sorry for the long ass essay, I’m just confused as to how, in the space of under a week she went from saying I love you to not even wanting our initial physical set up. Whenever we were together I could see how happy she was, she said I made her happy and when she thinks of a good time she thinks of me. I don’t know if we did get too close. Right now I’m just going to go on with my life but the switch up really gets to me. If it’s another guy it’s fine, coz honestly I was talking to other women coz again, we were never officially together. Anybody else go through anything like this?TL;DR girl [23] I’ve [M26] been having a casual relationship with for the last 8 months recently lost a colleague. She went from saying I love you to being in a headspace where she wants to be alone and doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Confused about how this all changed in the space of a few days.