I've (43F) felt a magical spark with someone for the first time in 20 years but I can't follow up on it and it's breaking my heart

I fell in love when I was 20 with a wonderful man that I spent 15 years of my life with but we didn't make it. I've been single since (8 years). I've had plenty (lots) of partners / lovers / boyfriends since but none that I've felt have been special. A few weeks ago I had a "moment" with a friend of mine that brought me back to that feeling of falling in love. It was magical. My friend however is married. I have not seen him since and am not planning to but the whole experience has really thrown me. I know that I will be judged here as he is in a relationship but it was the first time since I fell for my ex more than 20 years ago that I really felt that spark and connection with someone and I'm really hurting that it's something that I can't follow through on or investigate to see if it has substance. I'm not sure what advice on looking for but has anyone experienced something similar. I feel like I've been searching for years to feel that sort of connection with someone and I feel somewhat cheated and sad that the only time it has happened has been with someone I can't pursue a relationship with.

TL;DR Felt a spark with someone for first time in twenty years but they're married.



Submitted June 26, 2019 at 11:57PM

I fell in love when I was 20 with a wonderful man that I spent 15 years of my life with but we didn't make it. I've been single since (8 years). I've had plenty (lots) of partners / lovers / boyfriends since but none that I've felt have been special. A few weeks ago I had a "moment" with a friend of mine that brought me back to that feeling of falling in love. It was magical. My friend however is married. I have not seen him since and am not planning to but the whole experience has really thrown me. I know that I will be judged here as he is in a relationship but it was the first time since I fell for my ex more than 20 years ago that I really felt that spark and connection with someone and I'm really hurting that it's something that I can't follow through on or investigate to see if it has substance. I'm not sure what advice on looking for but has anyone experienced something similar. I feel like I've been searching for years to feel that sort of connection with someone and I feel somewhat cheated and sad that the only time it has happened has been with someone I can't pursue a relationship with.TL;DR Felt a spark with someone for first time in twenty years but they're married.
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