I Feel Bad For Disliking My Step-Mom (F51) But I Can't Help It

So, my dad (M51) got divorced from my mom when I was around 9. I was a very naive kid so I didn't get it, but from my brother's reaction I knew I was supposed to be upset (he was around 11, he burst out crying). All I really understood was that they were going to live in separate houses.

Not even a year later, starts dating my step-mother, who we'll call Trixie. He dated her on and off through high school and they broke things off in college. I was around 10 or 11 when they started dating, and not even another year later, they get engaged. So they dated for about nine or so months. She lived in Dallas, TX and we lived in Birmingham, AL so it was a long distance relationship until she moved in with us when I was 12.

As I got older, I started feeling kind of weird about how quickly he got with her and how quickly they got engaged. It didn't really effect my interactions with her though, so I didn't really think about it.

Cut to when I'm 12, he starts getting pissed at me for things I used to be allowed to do. It's not a situation where it's acceptable as a 9 year old but not a 12 year old, it was just like a flip of the switch. He yells at me a lot more (he always screamed at me but he didn't do it this much) and is a lot stricter. I put two and two together and realize that he started acting like this as soon as they moved in together. And the thing is, I don't think she's making him. Trixie's a very sweet person and that's why I feel bad for disliking her. But at the same time, she can be condescending and is very "I've seen worse" when I talk about my anxiety and ADHD (she's a teacher talking about her students). But otherwise she's very sweet and a generally pleasant person.

It's also painfully obvious he loves Trixie more than me. It's hard to be specific, but there are certain gestures and things he does that proves it for me.

Any advice on how to stop resenting her? Are my feelings justified? Also, talking to him about how he is acting is out of the question. I've tried and it didn't go well (he started blaming me). My mother also told him to cut his shit out but he just keeps doing it.

TL;DR: My father clearly loves my step-mother more than me so I kind of resent her. The problem is she's a sweet person so I can't help but feel bad.

Submitted June 26, 2019 at 11:56PM

So, my dad (M51) got divorced from my mom when I was around 9. I was a very naive kid so I didn't get it, but from my brother's reaction I knew I was supposed to be upset (he was around 11, he burst out crying). All I really understood was that they were going to live in separate houses.Not even a year later, starts dating my step-mother, who we'll call Trixie. He dated her on and off through high school and they broke things off in college. I was around 10 or 11 when they started dating, and not even another year later, they get engaged. So they dated for about nine or so months. She lived in Dallas, TX and we lived in Birmingham, AL so it was a long distance relationship until she moved in with us when I was 12.As I got older, I started feeling kind of weird about how quickly he got with her and how quickly they got engaged. It didn't really effect my interactions with her though, so I didn't really think about it.Cut to when I'm 12, he starts getting pissed at me for things I used to be allowed to do. It's not a situation where it's acceptable as a 9 year old but not a 12 year old, it was just like a flip of the switch. He yells at me a lot more (he always screamed at me but he didn't do it this much) and is a lot stricter. I put two and two together and realize that he started acting like this as soon as they moved in together. And the thing is, I don't think she's making him. Trixie's a very sweet person and that's why I feel bad for disliking her. But at the same time, she can be condescending and is very "I've seen worse" when I talk about my anxiety and ADHD (she's a teacher talking about her students). But otherwise she's very sweet and a generally pleasant person.It's also painfully obvious he loves Trixie more than me. It's hard to be specific, but there are certain gestures and things he does that proves it for me.Any advice on how to stop resenting her? Are my feelings justified? Also, talking to him about how he is acting is out of the question. I've tried and it didn't go well (he started blaming me). My mother also told him to cut his shit out but he just keeps doing it.TL;DR: My father clearly loves my step-mother more than me so I kind of resent her. The problem is she's a sweet person so I can't help but feel bad.