Looking for dating books or advice for men that avoid the problematic/toxic pitfalls of online "pick up artist" culture.

Hi! Like so many people out there, I feel that I really struggle with dating, but I also want that SPECIAL SOMEONE and all that, lol. I am a heterosexual cisgender man not interested in poly or open relationships (though no judgment!), for what that is worth. And also probably like everybody else, a lot of my dating activity starts online these days, ha.

I know a large part of dating is accepting the fact that things don't always turn out the way you might hope they will, but I often am worried that I sort of shoot myself in the foot a lot. I am seeking advice in terms of timing (making certain gestures/moves too late or too early), basic flirting skills, how to approach those I am interested in, how to tell those I am interested in them that I am interested in them, how to read various signs, what the kindest way to communicate with someone if I'm not interested, etc.

I am wondering if anyone knows of any good resources for dating advice that doesn't involve the really toxic and problematic aspects of a lot dating advice aimed at men that you find circulating on the Internet. To be as clear as I can be, I'm not interested in stuff that endorses aggressive behavior, harassment, approaching women in overly public places, manipulating women by preying on their insecurities, being disingenous/insincere, and so on. I'm just looking for basic advice that isn't misogynistic and won't advise me to pretend to be someone I'm not.

I also have an INCREDIBLY hard time dealing with feelings of rejection. I probably need therapy to get over that (or to cope with it as best as I can in the case it's not something I can get over), but in the case some resource has helped somebody to cope with those feelings, I'd be grateful to hear of that as well.

Thank you in advance for any help or resources anyone could direct me to! I appreciate it.



Submitted June 11, 2019 at 12:21AM

Hi! Like so many people out there, I feel that I really struggle with dating, but I also want that SPECIAL SOMEONE and all that, lol. I am a heterosexual cisgender man not interested in poly or open relationships (though no judgment!), for what that is worth. And also probably like everybody else, a lot of my dating activity starts online these days, ha.I know a large part of dating is accepting the fact that things don't always turn out the way you might hope they will, but I often am worried that I sort of shoot myself in the foot a lot. I am seeking advice in terms of timing (making certain gestures/moves too late or too early), basic flirting skills, how to approach those I am interested in, how to tell those I am interested in them that I am interested in them, how to read various signs, what the kindest way to communicate with someone if I'm not interested, etc.I am wondering if anyone knows of any good resources for dating advice that doesn't involve the really toxic and problematic aspects of a lot dating advice aimed at men that you find circulating on the Internet. To be as clear as I can be, I'm not interested in stuff that endorses aggressive behavior, harassment, approaching women in overly public places, manipulating women by preying on their insecurities, being disingenous/insincere, and so on. I'm just looking for basic advice that isn't misogynistic and won't advise me to pretend to be someone I'm not.I also have an INCREDIBLY hard time dealing with feelings of rejection. I probably need therapy to get over that (or to cope with it as best as I can in the case it's not something I can get over), but in the case some resource has helped somebody to cope with those feelings, I'd be grateful to hear of that as well.Thank you in advance for any help or resources anyone could direct me to! I appreciate it.
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