I (25 F) Like Him (28 M)....But Don’t Like Him Enough. What’s Wrong and Where to Go From Here?

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. He’s a total sweetheart, extremely attractive, loves hearing me talk (not used to that!), and does almost everything around my time. Sex was pretty dull and off for a while but the other night he spent over a half hour just focusing on me and after that...phew. Basically, he seems to really like me. I like him!...but I don’t think I like him enough. I do enjoy going out with him on our fun dates – he’s super cute, affectionate, and we have a good time....but, I don’t know, even with all of this, I’m still not feeling anything deeper. I don’t get the butterflies, I tend to look at other guys when I’m out on my own or with my friends, and I don’t catch myself really thinking about him often (except for the great sex we had the other night. Har dee har har).

What is wrong with me! I’ve technically been single all my life. I’ve dated and have had flings with people, but never got to the point of a serious relationship. I’ve always wanted a boyfriend and this guy checks all the boxes and clearly likes me, but...I just don’t feel the same. The crazy thing is I’ve been on the “other side” of this with almost every person I’ve ever been with. But now here I am, finally being the one who doesn’t like the other as much as they like me. It’s kind of a weird feeling, especially because this guy is boyfriend material wrapped with a shiny red bow. I think I keep kidding myself into thinking that I just need to give myself more time to like him more. However, a few months ago, I went on a few dates with a guy I ended up being completely smitten with and even pictured marrying. That’s a different story, but I had those strong feelings for that guy after only the second date. I also realized the way I felt with that guy is the way I want to feel with someone I want to be serious with. I don’t feel like that with this guy.

The other night he invited me to crash his friend’s wedding (super fun btw) and he drunkenly admitted to me he has a huge crush on me and really likes me. I realized I couldn’t say it back and just kissed him hoping he wouldn’t notice my lack of response. His friends like me too and after they met me, said to him, “She’s a keeper” and commented how I was already better than his “crazy” exes. Of course this makes me panic a little now. I DO like being with this guy for the moment (probably the summer) and am having fun with him, but can’t see anything long term. Guess you can say I’m just enjoying myself. But I also know that’s selfish since I the other person is developing deeper feelings for me. I’m not really sure what to do because I think we’re going to get to the “what are we” talk sooner than later. I don’t want to abruptly cut it off and make him think there’s something wrong with him (there isn’t and he’s kind of sensitive), but I don’t want to hurt him either if he ends up liking me more the longer this goes on. Help?

TLDR: This guy who is wonderful boyfriend material is very into me but I don’t really have a crush on him back. I like him, but don’t like him enough to commit to something. What to do?

Submitted June 11, 2019 at 12:06AM

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. He’s a total sweetheart, extremely attractive, loves hearing me talk (not used to that!), and does almost everything around my time. Sex was pretty dull and off for a while but the other night he spent over a half hour just focusing on me and after that...phew. Basically, he seems to really like me. I like him!...but I don’t think I like him enough. I do enjoy going out with him on our fun dates – he’s super cute, affectionate, and we have a good time....but, I don’t know, even with all of this, I’m still not feeling anything deeper. I don’t get the butterflies, I tend to look at other guys when I’m out on my own or with my friends, and I don’t catch myself really thinking about him often (except for the great sex we had the other night. Har dee har har).What is wrong with me! I’ve technically been single all my life. I’ve dated and have had flings with people, but never got to the point of a serious relationship. I’ve always wanted a boyfriend and this guy checks all the boxes and clearly likes me, but...I just don’t feel the same. The crazy thing is I’ve been on the “other side” of this with almost every person I’ve ever been with. But now here I am, finally being the one who doesn’t like the other as much as they like me. It’s kind of a weird feeling, especially because this guy is boyfriend material wrapped with a shiny red bow. I think I keep kidding myself into thinking that I just need to give myself more time to like him more. However, a few months ago, I went on a few dates with a guy I ended up being completely smitten with and even pictured marrying. That’s a different story, but I had those strong feelings for that guy after only the second date. I also realized the way I felt with that guy is the way I want to feel with someone I want to be serious with. I don’t feel like that with this guy.The other night he invited me to crash his friend’s wedding (super fun btw) and he drunkenly admitted to me he has a huge crush on me and really likes me. I realized I couldn’t say it back and just kissed him hoping he wouldn’t notice my lack of response. His friends like me too and after they met me, said to him, “She’s a keeper” and commented how I was already better than his “crazy” exes. Of course this makes me panic a little now. I DO like being with this guy for the moment (probably the summer) and am having fun with him, but can’t see anything long term. Guess you can say I’m just enjoying myself. But I also know that’s selfish since I the other person is developing deeper feelings for me. I’m not really sure what to do because I think we’re going to get to the “what are we” talk sooner than later. I don’t want to abruptly cut it off and make him think there’s something wrong with him (there isn’t and he’s kind of sensitive), but I don’t want to hurt him either if he ends up liking me more the longer this goes on. Help?TLDR: This guy who is wonderful boyfriend material is very into me but I don’t really have a crush on him back. I like him, but don’t like him enough to commit to something. What to do?