How to Overcome Dating Fatigue

I'm a 23M and I've been on the online dating scene this whole year after moving to a new city last September. I turned to Hinge after trying to get something going organically with a college friend that didn't pan out (we're still really good friends, so it's alright). I've gotten pretty far with two girls, but have gotten shut down by both of them which has made me really depressed and exhausted with dating overall.

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The first girl basically ghosted me after 4 dates and a night over and didn't give me much clarity into it at all. We had talked for about 2 months, so that one totally crushed me. I met a second girl shortly after who was from my hometown and seemed like a great fit, but she's been fading recently, even after 2 solid dates. She started grad school recently and has been "too overwhelmed" to even meet for a coffee or drinks. I took the hint and just told her to reach out if she wants to meet up when school is less busy, which is a long shot.

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I tend to pour a lot of mental energy into dating someone once I meet them in person and they seem like a good fit for me, so I crash pretty hard when I get turned down. It makes matters worse when they don't tell me why, or make excuses. I understand that people are like that, but it just hits me really hard and makes me feel unwanted. I spend 1-2 months getting to know someone and trying to plan things out, then it all ends abruptly and I don't know what to focus on after that. I end up feeling really down for a whole week after and can't get cheered up by my friends, hobbies, or anything else really.

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At this point, I have a lot of fun stuff planned for the Summer and kind of want to take a break from dating apps altogether and see if something comes organically, when I'm least expecting it. Dating apps have made me really unhappy, so I really don't want to continue with them. But the hard part is that I'm not sure how to get things going organically with a girl, and I realize that someone can just ghost me/turn me down that way as well.

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Do I look to find someone at work, a running club, through a friend? Dating at work, even asking someone at work, scares the hell out of me. My friends are aware of my situation, but they really don't have many single friends that I'd be interested in. So I'm kind of stuck here haha



Submitted June 11, 2019 at 12:17AM

I'm a 23M and I've been on the online dating scene this whole year after moving to a new city last September. I turned to Hinge after trying to get something going organically with a college friend that didn't pan out (we're still really good friends, so it's alright). I've gotten pretty far with two girls, but have gotten shut down by both of them which has made me really depressed and exhausted with dating overall.​The first girl basically ghosted me after 4 dates and a night over and didn't give me much clarity into it at all. We had talked for about 2 months, so that one totally crushed me. I met a second girl shortly after who was from my hometown and seemed like a great fit, but she's been fading recently, even after 2 solid dates. She started grad school recently and has been "too overwhelmed" to even meet for a coffee or drinks. I took the hint and just told her to reach out if she wants to meet up when school is less busy, which is a long shot.​I tend to pour a lot of mental energy into dating someone once I meet them in person and they seem like a good fit for me, so I crash pretty hard when I get turned down. It makes matters worse when they don't tell me why, or make excuses. I understand that people are like that, but it just hits me really hard and makes me feel unwanted. I spend 1-2 months getting to know someone and trying to plan things out, then it all ends abruptly and I don't know what to focus on after that. I end up feeling really down for a whole week after and can't get cheered up by my friends, hobbies, or anything else really.​At this point, I have a lot of fun stuff planned for the Summer and kind of want to take a break from dating apps altogether and see if something comes organically, when I'm least expecting it. Dating apps have made me really unhappy, so I really don't want to continue with them. But the hard part is that I'm not sure how to get things going organically with a girl, and I realize that someone can just ghost me/turn me down that way as well.​Do I look to find someone at work, a running club, through a friend? Dating at work, even asking someone at work, scares the hell out of me. My friends are aware of my situation, but they really don't have many single friends that I'd be interested in. So I'm kind of stuck here haha
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