I can’t take life anymore and want it to end

I am so fucking sick of my life and I wish it would end. I have trouble forgiving myself for a decision I made in the summer before my senior year. I had a girl that liked me and I honestly kind of wanted to date her but I decided not to because she was dating a new guy every month and I didn't want to get my heart broken. I was also to focused on my business and making money. Instead that month she decided to date my best friend and break his heart a month later. She then dated another guy in August and broke his heart but in September she found the person she was going to date the whole school year. Honestly I have been extremely down on myself for not making a move at some point. After realizing 2 months ago high school is ending huge regret has set in for not dating her. Every time I see would see them in the halls or at any school event I just think that could have been us. I just think I ruined my senior year which I had high expectation for. There were some good moments but I run a business and started working out and that ate up almost all of my time. I never sat down and thought about what I did. I will now always remember high school as a bad night watching her dance with the guy she is dating instead of me. I just feel like a complete failure. I have never had a girlfriend before and I am just afraid I will never find another girl like her or even worse never get the chance to ever date her. Everyone says there will be another girl but honestly I am to ugly and to weird to find someone as beautiful and sweet as her. I wake up everyday with a headache wishing I could turn back time and can barely look at myself in the mirror for destroying an opportunity that could have made me so happy. I really am just sick of life and wish somehow it would be over. I feel like I made the stupidest decision and no one else in my shoes would do something that dumb. I don’t think there is a girl like her who will ever have the connection I feel when I am with her. My life up to this point has just been painful. I didn’t have friends for a long time and was always made fun of for being ugly in grade school and have just been fed up with my life. I just wished I rolled over and died. I don’t really have a question and am just looking for some help because I really just can’t take the pain of regret and hopelessness anymore.

Submitted June 10, 2019 at 11:16PM

I am so fucking sick of my life and I wish it would end. I have trouble forgiving myself for a decision I made in the summer before my senior year. I had a girl that liked me and I honestly kind of wanted to date her but I decided not to because she was dating a new guy every month and I didn't want to get my heart broken. I was also to focused on my business and making money. Instead that month she decided to date my best friend and break his heart a month later. She then dated another guy in August and broke his heart but in September she found the person she was going to date the whole school year. Honestly I have been extremely down on myself for not making a move at some point. After realizing 2 months ago high school is ending huge regret has set in for not dating her. Every time I see would see them in the halls or at any school event I just think that could have been us. I just think I ruined my senior year which I had high expectation for. There were some good moments but I run a business and started working out and that ate up almost all of my time. I never sat down and thought about what I did. I will now always remember high school as a bad night watching her dance with the guy she is dating instead of me. I just feel like a complete failure. I have never had a girlfriend before and I am just afraid I will never find another girl like her or even worse never get the chance to ever date her. Everyone says there will be another girl but honestly I am to ugly and to weird to find someone as beautiful and sweet as her. I wake up everyday with a headache wishing I could turn back time and can barely look at myself in the mirror for destroying an opportunity that could have made me so happy. I really am just sick of life and wish somehow it would be over. I feel like I made the stupidest decision and no one else in my shoes would do something that dumb. I don’t think there is a girl like her who will ever have the connection I feel when I am with her. My life up to this point has just been painful. I didn’t have friends for a long time and was always made fun of for being ugly in grade school and have just been fed up with my life. I just wished I rolled over and died. I don’t really have a question and am just looking for some help because I really just can’t take the pain of regret and hopelessness anymore.