Feeling Paranoid and Need to Vent

For this story I going to include the fact the everyone I'm talking about here is Jewish. I only bring it up because the young adult Jewish community where I live isn't huge, and Jews tend to talk and gossip a lot (I'm sure other groups have similar dynamics).

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So 2 years ago I matched and when on a date with this girl R. We had a nice time and a couple days later I texted her to ask her out on a second date, to which she said she'd let me know and never followed up. No big deal, I got over it and moved. Then last year we end up running into each other again, both still single. She acts super flirty around me, and so I see if she wants to go out again. She does. Over dinner the topic of what happened after date 1 that no date 2 followed. It basically comes out that she wanted me to pursue her harder when asking for the second date the first time around. After dinner we go back to my place for some after dinner fun but some last minute work comes up and we end up pausing for an hour while she works on her computer to get all the paperwork finished. During that time the horny high started to fade as the night grew late and I still had to get up for work in the morning. We start making out again, moving things to the bed, but I'm not really in it anymore. I start to realize I'm not attracted to her, I was just really horny, and so we kind of just end up making out for a bit before just laying in bed exhausted. Seeing how late it was we both agree that we should end the night there, and she puts on her shirt and leaves. We stopped texting after that. I'd run into her out Jewish events, we'd exchange courtesies but nothing more really.

It was at one of these events that I saw her at that a friend of mine, H, realized that we had both dated R. H is much stricter when it comes to religion and does not believe in taking part in sexual activity before marriage. it was at that event that H told me that he too went out with R, and he too brought her back to his place. Only difference is that at no point did H have any intention of having sex with R (unless it's post marriage). R though had other plans for that night. She got sexually aggressive to the point H ended up having to kick her out. I'm inclined to believe him. As my friend he's always been honest with me and has always shown to follow his beliefs. In addition, later in the event, R approached me, having seen me talk to H, and started to hawk me asking, "What did H say?" and "Whatever he said it didn't happen". I said "nothing" and "ok" to appease her and then get some distance between us.

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So so months go by and I meat N at a Jewish dinner event. He get to talking and hit it off pretty well. At the end of the night I ask her for her number and if she wanted to go out. She enthusiastically said yes to both. While trying to set things up she ghosts me. A couple weeks later, I see her at another dinner, hosted by our mutual friend G. At the dinner she tells me she's sorry about blowing me off. After a couple of days I try to ask her out again and this time she gives me the slow fade of, "I'm busy, maybe next" type of BS. I stop trying, realizing that of course she was just being "polite".

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After that, when I'd see G at various dinners and events, he'd say hi before giving me the cold shoulder. I haven't seen him in awhile now.

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I saw N and R at a couple of other events and found out they are somewhat close friends.

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Similar thing happens with another girl, D. We meet at a dinner, hit it off, exchange numbers and schedule a date. The day comes around that we were supposed to go out, and the weather is garbage. Blizzard conditions. I try rescheduling and then she gives me the slow fade too. D may or may not know N or R, it's easily possible but I do not know for sure.

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So last month I matched with a girl on JSwipe( Jewish Tinder), S. We get to talking and hit it off. Exchanging messages daily. When we first started talking I was about to leave for vacation so I waited until I got back to ask her out. I did, S said yes and we agreed on a date. When I texted her to confirm the time, she ghosted.

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And so I moved on. That was until last night. I was invited to have dinner with my friend K and his family and a couple of friends. Well it was actually just one friend, yep, you guessed it, he invited S. And through conversation about this and that, I found out that S recently became good friends with N.

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So yeah, I'm sitting here now feeling like shit, paranoid, and crazy. Part of me feels like I'm connecting dots that aren't there. The other part feels like my dating life is being sabotaged. Like I'm being punished for some crime but no one wants to tell me what exactly that crime is. Mostly venting here. I tried writing TLDR but couldn't figure out a way to do it that didn't make me sound batshit crazy, so more likely then not, I am.

Submitted June 15, 2019 at 11:59PM

For this story I going to include the fact the everyone I'm talking about here is Jewish. I only bring it up because the young adult Jewish community where I live isn't huge, and Jews tend to talk and gossip a lot (I'm sure other groups have similar dynamics).​So 2 years ago I matched and when on a date with this girl R. We had a nice time and a couple days later I texted her to ask her out on a second date, to which she said she'd let me know and never followed up. No big deal, I got over it and moved. Then last year we end up running into each other again, both still single. She acts super flirty around me, and so I see if she wants to go out again. She does. Over dinner the topic of what happened after date 1 that no date 2 followed. It basically comes out that she wanted me to pursue her harder when asking for the second date the first time around. After dinner we go back to my place for some after dinner fun but some last minute work comes up and we end up pausing for an hour while she works on her computer to get all the paperwork finished. During that time the horny high started to fade as the night grew late and I still had to get up for work in the morning. We start making out again, moving things to the bed, but I'm not really in it anymore. I start to realize I'm not attracted to her, I was just really horny, and so we kind of just end up making out for a bit before just laying in bed exhausted. Seeing how late it was we both agree that we should end the night there, and she puts on her shirt and leaves. We stopped texting after that. I'd run into her out Jewish events, we'd exchange courtesies but nothing more really.It was at one of these events that I saw her at that a friend of mine, H, realized that we had both dated R. H is much stricter when it comes to religion and does not believe in taking part in sexual activity before marriage. it was at that event that H told me that he too went out with R, and he too brought her back to his place. Only difference is that at no point did H have any intention of having sex with R (unless it's post marriage). R though had other plans for that night. She got sexually aggressive to the point H ended up having to kick her out. I'm inclined to believe him. As my friend he's always been honest with me and has always shown to follow his beliefs. In addition, later in the event, R approached me, having seen me talk to H, and started to hawk me asking, "What did H say?" and "Whatever he said it didn't happen". I said "nothing" and "ok" to appease her and then get some distance between us.​So so months go by and I meat N at a Jewish dinner event. He get to talking and hit it off pretty well. At the end of the night I ask her for her number and if she wanted to go out. She enthusiastically said yes to both. While trying to set things up she ghosts me. A couple weeks later, I see her at another dinner, hosted by our mutual friend G. At the dinner she tells me she's sorry about blowing me off. After a couple of days I try to ask her out again and this time she gives me the slow fade of, "I'm busy, maybe next" type of BS. I stop trying, realizing that of course she was just being "polite".​After that, when I'd see G at various dinners and events, he'd say hi before giving me the cold shoulder. I haven't seen him in awhile now.​I saw N and R at a couple of other events and found out they are somewhat close friends.​Similar thing happens with another girl, D. We meet at a dinner, hit it off, exchange numbers and schedule a date. The day comes around that we were supposed to go out, and the weather is garbage. Blizzard conditions. I try rescheduling and then she gives me the slow fade too. D may or may not know N or R, it's easily possible but I do not know for sure.​So last month I matched with a girl on JSwipe( Jewish Tinder), S. We get to talking and hit it off. Exchanging messages daily. When we first started talking I was about to leave for vacation so I waited until I got back to ask her out. I did, S said yes and we agreed on a date. When I texted her to confirm the time, she ghosted.​And so I moved on. That was until last night. I was invited to have dinner with my friend K and his family and a couple of friends. Well it was actually just one friend, yep, you guessed it, he invited S. And through conversation about this and that, I found out that S recently became good friends with N.​So yeah, I'm sitting here now feeling like shit, paranoid, and crazy. Part of me feels like I'm connecting dots that aren't there. The other part feels like my dating life is being sabotaged. Like I'm being punished for some crime but no one wants to tell me what exactly that crime is. Mostly venting here. I tried writing TLDR but couldn't figure out a way to do it that didn't make me sound batshit crazy, so more likely then not, I am.