Should I confront my friend for leading me on?

Earlier this year I (M21) started becoming close friends with this group I met at university. This summer I was hanging out with them at someone’s house when one of the girls in the group began flirting with me really hard. She wasn’t very subtle about it, she was getting very touchy and everyone there could tell what was going on. When I was about to head home she asked if she could come with me and stay overnight, but just as we were about to leave she suddenly changed her mind because she thought all of her friends would judge her if they saw her leaving with me (even though she wasn’t exactly subtle about flirting with me in front of everyone anyway).

I should also mention that at this party, when she first started flirting with me, one of her close friends gave me a little heads up basically telling me not to get my hopes up too much because she knows her friend tends to just be flirty with everyone.

I didn’t see her for a while, but when the uni year started again and we all started hanging out she was giving me a lot of signs that she was still interested. When she messaged or spoke to me she would drop a lot of flirty hints and a few times we hung out on what I guess felt like “unofficial dates”. But at the end of all that, if I ever tried to do anything more, she would suddenly stop and hold herself back for some reason.

Over the past two months she often went from flirting with me to being really cold with me randomly. Sometimes I would be sat in the library, and she would randomly come sit near me and get really cuddly and touchy, whereas other times I would see her, and she would be cold and not interested at all.

I also started to suspect (and later confirmed) that she had a thing going on with another guy within the friendship group. She never told me about it this and technically she still hasn’t even though I know about it. Even after I knew about the two of them though she would still flirt with me sometimes.

Over the past few weeks, it seems like she’s getting more serious with the other guy, she’s stopped flirting with me, and I don’t see or talk to her much anymore. I’m pretty upset with her but I’ve spent so much time wondering if I’m just bitter at her for getting with someone else or if what she did was actually unacceptable and leading me on.

The last time I saw her I was about to confront her about it and basically let her know how pissed off I was because I felt like she led me on. Given the warning her friend gave me at the party, I also suspect she does this to a lot of guys and part of me is sitting her wondering why nobody else in the group is calling her out on it since they all just accept it as “oh well she’s just really flirty with everyone sometimes.”

Would I be an asshole if I confronted her about it and told her that I really didn’t appreciate the way she led me on? I’ve held myself back because I’m worried the rest of the group might just see me as a bitter asshole who feels entitled to her and can’t get past the fact that she got with someone else. But even with the warning her friend gave me, I feel like her behaviour is unacceptable and whilst I’m not entitled to anything, she really shouldn’t have led me on the way she did.

Submitted December 06, 2021 at 11:51PM

Earlier this year I (M21) started becoming close friends with this group I met at university. This summer I was hanging out with them at someone’s house when one of the girls in the group began flirting with me really hard. She wasn’t very subtle about it, she was getting very touchy and everyone there could tell what was going on. When I was about to head home she asked if she could come with me and stay overnight, but just as we were about to leave she suddenly changed her mind because she thought all of her friends would judge her if they saw her leaving with me (even though she wasn’t exactly subtle about flirting with me in front of everyone anyway).I should also mention that at this party, when she first started flirting with me, one of her close friends gave me a little heads up basically telling me not to get my hopes up too much because she knows her friend tends to just be flirty with everyone.I didn’t see her for a while, but when the uni year started again and we all started hanging out she was giving me a lot of signs that she was still interested. When she messaged or spoke to me she would drop a lot of flirty hints and a few times we hung out on what I guess felt like “unofficial dates”. But at the end of all that, if I ever tried to do anything more, she would suddenly stop and hold herself back for some reason.Over the past two months she often went from flirting with me to being really cold with me randomly. Sometimes I would be sat in the library, and she would randomly come sit near me and get really cuddly and touchy, whereas other times I would see her, and she would be cold and not interested at all.I also started to suspect (and later confirmed) that she had a thing going on with another guy within the friendship group. She never told me about it this and technically she still hasn’t even though I know about it. Even after I knew about the two of them though she would still flirt with me sometimes.Over the past few weeks, it seems like she’s getting more serious with the other guy, she’s stopped flirting with me, and I don’t see or talk to her much anymore. I’m pretty upset with her but I’ve spent so much time wondering if I’m just bitter at her for getting with someone else or if what she did was actually unacceptable and leading me on.The last time I saw her I was about to confront her about it and basically let her know how pissed off I was because I felt like she led me on. Given the warning her friend gave me at the party, I also suspect she does this to a lot of guys and part of me is sitting her wondering why nobody else in the group is calling her out on it since they all just accept it as “oh well she’s just really flirty with everyone sometimes.”Would I be an asshole if I confronted her about it and told her that I really didn’t appreciate the way she led me on? I’ve held myself back because I’m worried the rest of the group might just see me as a bitter asshole who feels entitled to her and can’t get past the fact that she got with someone else. But even with the warning her friend gave me, I feel like her behaviour is unacceptable and whilst I’m not entitled to anything, she really shouldn’t have led me on the way she did.