What things can I ask of my new GF to make her feel like she contributes and has value?

Excuse my over elaborating... blah blah blah ADHD.

TL;DR need things I(26M) can ask my slightly long distant GF (23F) (1-hour drive) to do, so she feels like she provides value to the relationship, that doesn't feel forced.

My new girlfriend comes from a poor family and she is struggling financially due to a rough home situation and health problems preventing her from being able to work.

I'm a decently well-paid engineer, so I'm able to pay for dates or anything no problem really, it's just doing things I enjoy but with her. Whether it's going to a hockey game, checking out a movie, dinner or whatever, I generally pay because if I expected her to contribute money to those things, they just wouldn't happen.

We've been friends for a few years, so her struggles, both physical and emotional, are no surprise to me (and were definitely considerations before I agreed to get physical and eventually begin to form a relationship, but on the balance, she's a lot better than her situation makes her seem. Plus I have a strong urge to take care of her that I can't really explain, and she has many redeeming qualities when it comes to creative pursuits in life... she just hasn't figured out she's good enough to make a living doing that yet.).

She has a hard time accepting things in general due to her upbringing and gets a lot of anxiety and has had meltdowns about not being able to get me back or do something in return. I've tried reassuring her that all I want is her company. Having grown up poor myself, I understand that having someone pay for things you otherwise wouldn't be able to do can be difficult to accept/feel good about. I've also tried to incorporate cheap or free things to do together, but eventually something cost money.

I have been trying to think of things I can ask her to do for me so she feels like she is contributing to the relationship and not just being a leech. I don't feel like she is, but she does. We live about an hour away from each other, and she doesn't drive, so it's hard to ask for impromptu help with something.

The difficulty is I really don't need anything from her other than continuing to be the same friend she was before + sex + intimacy + doing cute shit together. So I'm just having a hard time coming up with things that don't feel forced, or like I'm just being a dick and making her do shit for me 🙈 We've talked and she feels like me asking her for favours would be helpful, I'm just not sure what to ask her to do...



Submitted November 11, 2021 at 01:13AM

Excuse my over elaborating... blah blah blah ADHD.TL;DR need things I(26M) can ask my slightly long distant GF (23F) (1-hour drive) to do, so she feels like she provides value to the relationship, that doesn't feel forced.My new girlfriend comes from a poor family and she is struggling financially due to a rough home situation and health problems preventing her from being able to work.I'm a decently well-paid engineer, so I'm able to pay for dates or anything no problem really, it's just doing things I enjoy but with her. Whether it's going to a hockey game, checking out a movie, dinner or whatever, I generally pay because if I expected her to contribute money to those things, they just wouldn't happen.We've been friends for a few years, so her struggles, both physical and emotional, are no surprise to me (and were definitely considerations before I agreed to get physical and eventually begin to form a relationship, but on the balance, she's a lot better than her situation makes her seem. Plus I have a strong urge to take care of her that I can't really explain, and she has many redeeming qualities when it comes to creative pursuits in life... she just hasn't figured out she's good enough to make a living doing that yet.).She has a hard time accepting things in general due to her upbringing and gets a lot of anxiety and has had meltdowns about not being able to get me back or do something in return. I've tried reassuring her that all I want is her company. Having grown up poor myself, I understand that having someone pay for things you otherwise wouldn't be able to do can be difficult to accept/feel good about. I've also tried to incorporate cheap or free things to do together, but eventually something cost money.I have been trying to think of things I can ask her to do for me so she feels like she is contributing to the relationship and not just being a leech. I don't feel like she is, but she does. We live about an hour away from each other, and she doesn't drive, so it's hard to ask for impromptu help with something.The difficulty is I really don't need anything from her other than continuing to be the same friend she was before + sex + intimacy + doing cute shit together. So I'm just having a hard time coming up with things that don't feel forced, or like I'm just being a dick and making her do shit for me 🙈 We've talked and she feels like me asking her for favours would be helpful, I'm just not sure what to ask her to do...
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