I (24F) suddenly repulsed by partner (26M) during sex and now I don't want to be near him

My partner came over a few nights ago and we hooked up. We've been seeing each other for a few months and we really like and are comfortable with each other. He's the sweetest, kindest, and most supportive person I've ever dated and the first person I felt like I could totally be myself around. He's been struggling with ED (unrelated to us) and is getting help. Literally every guy I've dated has dealt with ED at one point or another so I'm used to it and know it has nothing to do with me, plus I can't orgasm from PIV so I really don't care.

But something happened the other night and I've been incredibly depressed since and can't stop crying when I think about him or being intimate with him again and I don't know what's going on.

He came over and after a bit, we started making out. I was pretty tired and not super in the mood, but I could tell he was and I didn't mind fooling around anyways. We made out for a few minutes, got undressed, and he went straight to PIV. Maybe a minute in, I suddenly felt super repulsed by both my body and his. It wasn't painful or anything, he was also having issues staying hard and something about him trying to shove his half flaccid penis in me made me feel sick. I was going to stop things but he was a few seconds away from cumming, so I just let him finish (he didn't know, I didn't say anything). This also made me feel ill even though he has many times before. He wanted to make me cum but I told him I didn't want to keep going because I was tired, which is true but I didn't mention the other stuff since I didn't want to make him feel bad/guilty because I did consent and truly felt fine with it at the beginning.

Something just switched in the middle of the encounter where thinking about the entire thing makes me cry and feel extremely sick. I am repulsed by this person I really like/care about, and feel disgusting about myself and having sex again with him. We had some bad sex that I wasn't super into so I get being kind of bummed out by that, but it's been days now and I'm still very depressed and upset. This is really confusing for me because I am very sex positive and this is the first time this is happening to me with him. I used to feel like this in my late teens when having sex with a toxic/emotionally abusive ex, but it's been years since then and I've been through intensive therapy and have had many amazing partners since with no issues in similar situations.

After the entire experience I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible, and it's upsetting me because he's the first person in years I've connected with on such a personal level and he is very emotionally mature and all around an amazing person. I had so many strong feelings for him and now I don't even want to think about him because it makes me sick to my stomach.

I know I should talk to him about it in some capacity but I still don't really know what happened and also don't really want to tell him how it really made me feel because he's already sensitive about things because of his ED. He is also such a genuinely kind person and a great partner that I feel guilty and confused about just how upset and repulsed I am. I am also very sex positive and comfortable with my sexuality, but was raised catholic and used to struggle with christian guilt. The magnitude of my reaction just doesn't make sense to me and I'm not really sure where to go from here :////



Submitted November 12, 2021 at 12:53AM

My partner came over a few nights ago and we hooked up. We've been seeing each other for a few months and we really like and are comfortable with each other. He's the sweetest, kindest, and most supportive person I've ever dated and the first person I felt like I could totally be myself around. He's been struggling with ED (unrelated to us) and is getting help. Literally every guy I've dated has dealt with ED at one point or another so I'm used to it and know it has nothing to do with me, plus I can't orgasm from PIV so I really don't care.But something happened the other night and I've been incredibly depressed since and can't stop crying when I think about him or being intimate with him again and I don't know what's going on.He came over and after a bit, we started making out. I was pretty tired and not super in the mood, but I could tell he was and I didn't mind fooling around anyways. We made out for a few minutes, got undressed, and he went straight to PIV. Maybe a minute in, I suddenly felt super repulsed by both my body and his. It wasn't painful or anything, he was also having issues staying hard and something about him trying to shove his half flaccid penis in me made me feel sick. I was going to stop things but he was a few seconds away from cumming, so I just let him finish (he didn't know, I didn't say anything). This also made me feel ill even though he has many times before. He wanted to make me cum but I told him I didn't want to keep going because I was tired, which is true but I didn't mention the other stuff since I didn't want to make him feel bad/guilty because I did consent and truly felt fine with it at the beginning.Something just switched in the middle of the encounter where thinking about the entire thing makes me cry and feel extremely sick. I am repulsed by this person I really like/care about, and feel disgusting about myself and having sex again with him. We had some bad sex that I wasn't super into so I get being kind of bummed out by that, but it's been days now and I'm still very depressed and upset. This is really confusing for me because I am very sex positive and this is the first time this is happening to me with him. I used to feel like this in my late teens when having sex with a toxic/emotionally abusive ex, but it's been years since then and I've been through intensive therapy and have had many amazing partners since with no issues in similar situations.After the entire experience I just wanted to be as far away from him as possible, and it's upsetting me because he's the first person in years I've connected with on such a personal level and he is very emotionally mature and all around an amazing person. I had so many strong feelings for him and now I don't even want to think about him because it makes me sick to my stomach.I know I should talk to him about it in some capacity but I still don't really know what happened and also don't really want to tell him how it really made me feel because he's already sensitive about things because of his ED. He is also such a genuinely kind person and a great partner that I feel guilty and confused about just how upset and repulsed I am. I am also very sex positive and comfortable with my sexuality, but was raised catholic and used to struggle with christian guilt. The magnitude of my reaction just doesn't make sense to me and I'm not really sure where to go from here :////
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