Struggling with sex drive for the first time in my life, I can't think of a solution.

I am a 27 year old demisexual (meaning that I only find people sexually attractive after I've built an emotional bond with them) woman that tended to have a really high sex drive with my previous partners. I used to want to have sex multiple times a day. It was a high priority for me.

Right now I've been living with my partner for 1 year. While we were dating before moving in together, and during the first weeks of us living together, we had a very active sex life. I gave him at least a BJ everyday and we sexted during the day and everything. I was his first partner.

We have a really good relationship and we are extremely close. We're best friends and I deeply love him and feel attracted to him, even more than when we first met. I'm always touching him, watching him, caressing him, slapping his butt – things he enjoys, by the way. But I just feel so dead down there.

I have a very healthy lifestyle, by the way.

These are the factors I've identified:

  1. I want more foreplay and seduction and caressing and non-sexual touches to get in the mood. He's also very insecure, so he isn't much into exploration. He used to watch a lot of porn, so not a very good reference IMO. I'm put off by the idea of teaching him because I've had to teach him a lot of adult stuff already.

  2. Most importantly, almost 4 months ago, I became the sole breadwinner. I'm very stressed trying to make ends meet and supporting him as he pursues his dreams.

I quit my job and found another extremely demanding one to earn more and get him healthcare insurance.

As we do not have a lot of money, we cannot go out on dates, which I feel I definitely need to relax and take my mind off responsibilities.

His pursuit of dreams means that I have to drive him places on my free time. So we don't really get to spend that much free time together.

  1. By the end of the day, I am extremely tired and have IBS flare ups, so I just want to sleep and so does he.

  2. His seduction technique is to get me to touch his penis. I don't get horny that way. I feel sort of forced, even.

  3. I feel very bad about myself and guilty because I don't want him to feel rejected, and I don't know why my brain and body just can't get into sex anymore. This brings me more overall uneasiness and stress and makes it harder for me to relax during sex.

  4. I do want sex, but I don't feel horny, if that makes sense.

What do I do?

Thank you.



Submitted October 09, 2021 at 11:49PM

I am a 27 year old demisexual (meaning that I only find people sexually attractive after I've built an emotional bond with them) woman that tended to have a really high sex drive with my previous partners. I used to want to have sex multiple times a day. It was a high priority for me.Right now I've been living with my partner for 1 year. While we were dating before moving in together, and during the first weeks of us living together, we had a very active sex life. I gave him at least a BJ everyday and we sexted during the day and everything. I was his first partner.We have a really good relationship and we are extremely close. We're best friends and I deeply love him and feel attracted to him, even more than when we first met. I'm always touching him, watching him, caressing him, slapping his butt – things he enjoys, by the way. But I just feel so dead down there.I have a very healthy lifestyle, by the way.These are the factors I've identified:I want more foreplay and seduction and caressing and non-sexual touches to get in the mood. He's also very insecure, so he isn't much into exploration. He used to watch a lot of porn, so not a very good reference IMO. I'm put off by the idea of teaching him because I've had to teach him a lot of adult stuff already.Most importantly, almost 4 months ago, I became the sole breadwinner. I'm very stressed trying to make ends meet and supporting him as he pursues his dreams.I quit my job and found another extremely demanding one to earn more and get him healthcare insurance.As we do not have a lot of money, we cannot go out on dates, which I feel I definitely need to relax and take my mind off responsibilities.His pursuit of dreams means that I have to drive him places on my free time. So we don't really get to spend that much free time together.By the end of the day, I am extremely tired and have IBS flare ups, so I just want to sleep and so does he.His seduction technique is to get me to touch his penis. I don't get horny that way. I feel sort of forced, even.I feel very bad about myself and guilty because I don't want him to feel rejected, and I don't know why my brain and body just can't get into sex anymore. This brings me more overall uneasiness and stress and makes it harder for me to relax during sex.I do want sex, but I don't feel horny, if that makes sense.What do I do?Thank you.
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