Spending so much time together at the beginning?

Hey everyone,

I’m [M24] & I’ve just started seeing someone [F20] for roughly 3 weeks now. We both study the same medical degree and have floated around each other for most of the year as acquaintances/casual friends. On our ‘first date’ we realised we have a ridiculous amount in common; we planned to just go for a walk on the beach, but we ended up spending ~8 hours talking and vibing pretty hard with each other. The amount of overlap in our hobbies, tastes, opinions, etc. has been mind blowing and our conversations have flowed with ease ever since.

After that first date, we’ve seen each other maybe 15 of the 21 days. Most dates end up being 6-10 hours (trips to waterfalls, drives, beaches, hikes, her staying over the night & watching Netflix, etc.) and neither of us have seemed to bat an eye. Heck, it hasn’t been intentional but we’ve seen each other every day for the past 7 days and it hasn’t felt forced or unnatural.

Now I’m wondering though, are we putting the potential for a future at risk by spending this much time together? Especially considering we’ll be seeing each other most days at University. We’ve both had issues with codependency in the past, I’ve tried to address that a lot this year and I’m acutely aware of putting all my eggs in one basket & losing myself to a relationship. I don’t want to decline her offers to spend time together if my only reason not to is “I’m scared to find feelings for you” or “I’m worried we’ll get sick of each other” because our time together feels so natural.

Is there any literature or anecdotal advice I can look into here? I’ve easily found myself lost and deeply entangled in relationships before and this time I just want to do a good job & do things differently. I strongly value my independence and space but by the same token, this is the first time a ‘partner’ hasn’t felt intrusive of it. - I’m not a mind reader, but based on how often she asks to see me I believe she feels the same.

Thank you for any thoughts or information!



Submitted September 23, 2021 at 01:07AM

Hey everyone,I’m [M24] & I’ve just started seeing someone [F20] for roughly 3 weeks now. We both study the same medical degree and have floated around each other for most of the year as acquaintances/casual friends. On our ‘first date’ we realised we have a ridiculous amount in common; we planned to just go for a walk on the beach, but we ended up spending ~8 hours talking and vibing pretty hard with each other. The amount of overlap in our hobbies, tastes, opinions, etc. has been mind blowing and our conversations have flowed with ease ever since.After that first date, we’ve seen each other maybe 15 of the 21 days. Most dates end up being 6-10 hours (trips to waterfalls, drives, beaches, hikes, her staying over the night & watching Netflix, etc.) and neither of us have seemed to bat an eye. Heck, it hasn’t been intentional but we’ve seen each other every day for the past 7 days and it hasn’t felt forced or unnatural.Now I’m wondering though, are we putting the potential for a future at risk by spending this much time together? Especially considering we’ll be seeing each other most days at University. We’ve both had issues with codependency in the past, I’ve tried to address that a lot this year and I’m acutely aware of putting all my eggs in one basket & losing myself to a relationship. I don’t want to decline her offers to spend time together if my only reason not to is “I’m scared to find feelings for you” or “I’m worried we’ll get sick of each other” because our time together feels so natural.Is there any literature or anecdotal advice I can look into here? I’ve easily found myself lost and deeply entangled in relationships before and this time I just want to do a good job & do things differently. I strongly value my independence and space but by the same token, this is the first time a ‘partner’ hasn’t felt intrusive of it. - I’m not a mind reader, but based on how often she asks to see me I believe she feels the same.Thank you for any thoughts or information!
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