Sexual problems in long-term relationship.

TL;DR - What should I do about sexual incompatibility within marriage?

Anybody want to be my sex therapist?

My husband and I (F) have been together for about 6 years. We had a relatively healthy, but imperfect, sex life in the beginning, but I had always assumed it would improve. It hasn't. In fact it's gotten a lot worse the last couple years.

I'm afraid that we're just sexually incompatible and I don't know what to do.

  1. I used to love giving blowjobs. But he works hard and doesn't bathe as often as I feel is necessary, and quite frankly he gets funky down there. We've discussed this many times at length and for a while, he did absolutely nothing about it. Like for years. So the frequency of the blowjobs widdled down to nothing. He was pouty about it but eventually he started washing more. I gave occasional blowjobs during that time, but years of gross smells made me hesitant. And I am making an assumption here but I believe he stopped washing often again because we still weren't up to full capacity and he felt let down.

  2. He is a kind person and doesn't intend to hurt me, but he is often uncoordinated during sex. I would be happy with some good old fashioned rough passionate sex, but this isn't that. He accidentally elbows me or spreads my legs too far or hits my cervix or puts an excessive amount of his weight on me, etc. You would think that after so many years he would start to be more in tune with my body, but it's not happening that way, and like I said above, we've now created a pattern that makes me tense during sex and hesitant.

  3. He's a pretty quiet person in general but he is completely stone faced and silent during sex. I had been quite enthusiastic about/during sex for my entire sex life before him, but after so many years of being the only person making any obvious indication of pleasure, I have mellowed out as well. Again, I have brought this up to him. He says he is enjoying himself but his lack of enthusiasm really reads as disinterest to me no matter what he says and I don't know how to get past it.

The more I write, the more concerned I get because it just seems like too many things to tackle.

Anybody have advice? (Breaking up is not on the table.)

Thanks. 😕



Submitted April 22, 2021 at 12:34AM

TL;DR - What should I do about sexual incompatibility within marriage?Anybody want to be my sex therapist?My husband and I (F) have been together for about 6 years. We had a relatively healthy, but imperfect, sex life in the beginning, but I had always assumed it would improve. It hasn't. In fact it's gotten a lot worse the last couple years.I'm afraid that we're just sexually incompatible and I don't know what to do.I used to love giving blowjobs. But he works hard and doesn't bathe as often as I feel is necessary, and quite frankly he gets funky down there. We've discussed this many times at length and for a while, he did absolutely nothing about it. Like for years. So the frequency of the blowjobs widdled down to nothing. He was pouty about it but eventually he started washing more. I gave occasional blowjobs during that time, but years of gross smells made me hesitant. And I am making an assumption here but I believe he stopped washing often again because we still weren't up to full capacity and he felt let down.He is a kind person and doesn't intend to hurt me, but he is often uncoordinated during sex. I would be happy with some good old fashioned rough passionate sex, but this isn't that. He accidentally elbows me or spreads my legs too far or hits my cervix or puts an excessive amount of his weight on me, etc. You would think that after so many years he would start to be more in tune with my body, but it's not happening that way, and like I said above, we've now created a pattern that makes me tense during sex and hesitant.He's a pretty quiet person in general but he is completely stone faced and silent during sex. I had been quite enthusiastic about/during sex for my entire sex life before him, but after so many years of being the only person making any obvious indication of pleasure, I have mellowed out as well. Again, I have brought this up to him. He says he is enjoying himself but his lack of enthusiasm really reads as disinterest to me no matter what he says and I don't know how to get past it.The more I write, the more concerned I get because it just seems like too many things to tackle.Anybody have advice? (Breaking up is not on the table.)Thanks. 😕
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