no kiss! + (why) is he keeping his kid a secret?

Hi everyone, this is my first post to this sub and also my first post to reddit! I'm going to just get straight to it...

I (30F) had been taking virtual French lessons with a guy who lives in my city (40M). After the lessons were over, he friended me on FB and asked me out. I honestly wasn't very interested at first, but decided to give him a chance since I am trying to reform my own emotionally unavailable/ self sabatog-y behaviors (like rejecting people who like me and chasing after people who don't care about me). It turns out IRL he was cute and I enjoy being around him. We have been on 3 wholesome dates- a bike ride, the museum, taking walks, having lunch and beer, and basically spending the whole day together every weekend. Yesterday was our 3rd date. There was a huge rainstorm that canceled our outside plans so I said it would be ok if he came to my house. We had a good time listening to music and talking, and made plans to see each other again this week. He is always the one to initiate the next plan, and I'm happy to see him again. The thing is--- we haven't kissed or touched yet!! I'm starting to think that maybe he isn't attracted to me (I am much larger/ taller than him, which maybe threw him off when we met irl...).

​

This in itself is a bit frustrating, but THERES MORE...

I know for a fact that he has a daughter, but he hasn't mentioned it to me yet, and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag or not?? I know about his kid because on Facebook (where HE added ME) she is in several of his profile pics, and the caption will be like "proud dad" or "father and daughter time" or whatever. On our second date he told me that he was divorced, but has not yet mentioned the child. What gives? I have been waiting for him to bring it up, and even talking about my relationships with children in my family, or friends that I have with kids. On our last date I asked him if he was still married and he said no, and also laughed a bit at my vigilance, but STILL DID NOT MENTION the kid! We have plans to see each other again this week. Should I bring it up? Or wait for him to reveal? Or just stop seeing him all together bc its creepy to hide a child?? Bc tbh I'm getting a bit creeped out!

Would love to hear the perspective of the DOT community about this. Thank you all so much!

​

TLDR: Been on 3 dates with a guy, no kiss yet, also he has a kid he hasn't mentioned. Is it time to RUN?



Submitted August 30, 2020 at 08:23PM

Hi everyone, this is my first post to this sub and also my first post to reddit! I'm going to just get straight to it...I (30F) had been taking virtual French lessons with a guy who lives in my city (40M). After the lessons were over, he friended me on FB and asked me out. I honestly wasn't very interested at first, but decided to give him a chance since I am trying to reform my own emotionally unavailable/ self sabatog-y behaviors (like rejecting people who like me and chasing after people who don't care about me). It turns out IRL he was cute and I enjoy being around him. We have been on 3 wholesome dates- a bike ride, the museum, taking walks, having lunch and beer, and basically spending the whole day together every weekend. Yesterday was our 3rd date. There was a huge rainstorm that canceled our outside plans so I said it would be ok if he came to my house. We had a good time listening to music and talking, and made plans to see each other again this week. He is always the one to initiate the next plan, and I'm happy to see him again. The thing is--- we haven't kissed or touched yet!! I'm starting to think that maybe he isn't attracted to me (I am much larger/ taller than him, which maybe threw him off when we met irl...).​This in itself is a bit frustrating, but THERES MORE...I know for a fact that he has a daughter, but he hasn't mentioned it to me yet, and I am wondering if this is a huge red flag or not?? I know about his kid because on Facebook (where HE added ME) she is in several of his profile pics, and the caption will be like "proud dad" or "father and daughter time" or whatever. On our second date he told me that he was divorced, but has not yet mentioned the child. What gives? I have been waiting for him to bring it up, and even talking about my relationships with children in my family, or friends that I have with kids. On our last date I asked him if he was still married and he said no, and also laughed a bit at my vigilance, but STILL DID NOT MENTION the kid! We have plans to see each other again this week. Should I bring it up? Or wait for him to reveal? Or just stop seeing him all together bc its creepy to hide a child?? Bc tbh I'm getting a bit creeped out!Would love to hear the perspective of the DOT community about this. Thank you all so much!​TLDR: Been on 3 dates with a guy, no kiss yet, also he has a kid he hasn't mentioned. Is it time to RUN?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more