Is there any scenario where pursuing a good friend can not result in the end of the friendship? (32M)

My best friend has become single for the first time in the years I've known her, and while I was never "pining after her" or hoping I'd some day have an opportunity, the change in status has brought out an infatuation in me that I didn't realize was there. In the long run, I don't believe I'll actually pursue it, because I'm pretty convinced she'd never see me that way, and she means too much to me to jeopardize losing what I do have with her. Plus, I came to be on friendly terms with her now ex, and even though he's moving out of state, I know there's sort of a "bro code" thing there.

Still, I haven't been able to shut up the voice in my head that still keeps asking "What if?", and I honestly feel like a pretty bad person, and certainly a bad friend, for feeling that way. I've never been able to date or connect "romantically" with women, so I can't be too surprised that I'm stuck on someone I have a good bond with. I'm not looking for false hope, or anything like that, I'm mostly just wondering for the sake of wondering, if it's ever possible to even float the idea out there without ending the friendship.

It's so tough to call for me, too, because based on what I know of her, she's super "cool" in the sense that I feel like she would be fine having a civil discussion and still being friends after. On the other hand, if I'm so far in the "just a friend" territory, it could be so jarring and out of left field for her, that it would be the end. I just don't know. And I certainly don't want her to feel like this was something I've been planning for or hoping for the entire time we've been friends, because it's not, but I understand that's how it would look. I dunno. Like I said, I don't think I will ever act on it, and I'm not trying to look for false hope. I'm just curious, and trying to look for something to make me not feel like such a bad person for feeling the way I do.



Submitted August 30, 2020 at 06:01PM

My best friend has become single for the first time in the years I've known her, and while I was never "pining after her" or hoping I'd some day have an opportunity, the change in status has brought out an infatuation in me that I didn't realize was there. In the long run, I don't believe I'll actually pursue it, because I'm pretty convinced she'd never see me that way, and she means too much to me to jeopardize losing what I do have with her. Plus, I came to be on friendly terms with her now ex, and even though he's moving out of state, I know there's sort of a "bro code" thing there.Still, I haven't been able to shut up the voice in my head that still keeps asking "What if?", and I honestly feel like a pretty bad person, and certainly a bad friend, for feeling that way. I've never been able to date or connect "romantically" with women, so I can't be too surprised that I'm stuck on someone I have a good bond with. I'm not looking for false hope, or anything like that, I'm mostly just wondering for the sake of wondering, if it's ever possible to even float the idea out there without ending the friendship.It's so tough to call for me, too, because based on what I know of her, she's super "cool" in the sense that I feel like she would be fine having a civil discussion and still being friends after. On the other hand, if I'm so far in the "just a friend" territory, it could be so jarring and out of left field for her, that it would be the end. I just don't know. And I certainly don't want her to feel like this was something I've been planning for or hoping for the entire time we've been friends, because it's not, but I understand that's how it would look. I dunno. Like I said, I don't think I will ever act on it, and I'm not trying to look for false hope. I'm just curious, and trying to look for something to make me not feel like such a bad person for feeling the way I do.
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