/u/frustr8tion on AITA for wanting a pretty boyfriend?

I'm not saying anyone can control it or that there is anything necessarily wrong with it. I just find that being able to control it myself, I recognise the selfishness. Lots of people are selfish for different reasons. I can be selfish financially for example. I can't control that, but it doesn't mean I'm not selfish in that regard. OP even recognises that this is selfish. But love transgresses boundaries and I've managed to support someone financially for a year when they genuinely needed it because of love, despite my boundaries surrounding money.

People can't control not being attracted to someone they love if that person gets in an accident. But I'm glad that's not me because I would never put someone through that. I can turn that off because it's so inconsequential in the context of an emotional bond. That doesn't define love as sacrifice. But to me the definition of love includes making that sacrifice if needed.

The issue I have with aesthetics as a contingency is that it is bad practice for selflessness to have a contingency based on what pleases you, not what pleases other people. Aesthetic appreciation by definition isn't very reciprocal.

Reciprocation is a very important aspect of loving relationships to me.





April 12, 2020 at 11:50PM
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