Was she ever going to be a good girlfriend?

I have no idea if this girl is pretty much normal and despite her words and actions of love and commitment she just suddenly realized her feelings weren't there, she didn't love me enough anymore, whatever it may have been that she felt she had to break up with me. Or if this girl really does have issues and there is absolutely nothing I could have done and no matter what she did or I did or anything that could have happened between us, the relationship would have ended.

Seeing that this girl was my first relationship, I've never experienced such sudden changes with a significant other before, but more telling for me is I've never heard of it happening to any of my friends either. I went into it thinking she was just another nice, sweet, normal girl. I just thought we had a rare connection and such a great time together and that's what explained things moving rather quickly and all the expressions/actions of affection/love.

Not that I was looking for a relationship when I met her but I was thinking about this today. Prior to her, I never looked at girls I was talking to or hooking up with from the lens of "hmm is this girl relationship material? is the way she's acting/the things she's doing/the things she's saying, indicative of a good girlfriend?". I just didn't think anything of the women in my life. For me, it was fun, it was sex, it was entertaining, etc. I wasn't evaluating. Especially when I think about girls that had boyfriends or were seeing somebody or girls that I knew slept around, I wasn't thinking "wow this girl is messed up, this girl is not relationship material". I didn't think at all, but if I had to guess what my subconscious was registering it was probably something along the lines of "heh I just got laid. she's hot. that was cool."

But maybe if I had thought a bit more about the situation with this girl, I would have avoided her from the get go. We slept together casually multiple times, which hey I'm all for sleep with who you want, but I have 3 sisters and some friends that are girls, when the girls that I know are looking for a relationship, they don't just give it up so easily. Then when she was "hooking up" with this kid I knew for about 3-4 weeks, she slept with me. Sure they weren't official, but I know they were hanging out once or twice a week, probably talking pretty often, and she slept with me. Maybe another indicator for not relationship material? Then she started "dating" some guy from out of town for about a month or month and a half. We saw each other, hooked up but didn't sleep together and even made plans for our first date. She wound up cancelling those plans because she wanted to end things with the other guy first and he was coming for an already planned visit, but still, she's seeing somebody for a month or so and hooks up with me and makes plans with me behind this guys back. Probably should have been another red flag to me right?

Instead of seeing those things as red flags though, I thought she was a nice normal sweet girl. I knew she had one or two serious boyfriends in high school. And I knew she had just ended things with her boyfriend of 3-3.5 years about 8 months earlier. So my thoughts were, she's the type of girl that prefers a relationship, knows how to be in one and maintain one and what it all entails. All the stuff I just wrote in the paragraph above was all due to this amazing connection and I was basically the chosen one that she just couldn't stay away from, wanted to be with more than anybody, that she was just so damn into me nobody could compare and she had to be with me.

One thing that is bothering me SOOOO much right now, and I know this may come off as immature or petty, but understand it's really more a matter of what this means in our times and generation... We dated twice, had a handful of times together in between relationships, every time we did something I planned out such fun cool unique dates and she always said how I spoiled her and she has the best time with me, texting me in the middle of the night how much she loves me, writing me a love poem, all of that, and I'm pretty sure she never posted anything of me or us on social media. Now she's dating this new fucking kid for a couple of months, he's living with her the last month, and she's posted a whole bunch of stuff of him and them together, and the real kick in the nuts was obviously seeing what she posted today (I know I shouldn't have checked but I just had to know, I must enjoy the pain or something). It's like what is she so much more in love and crazy about this guy than she ever were me? Why didn't she want the world to know about me but she's posting things of her and this new guy all over the place? Did I mean so little to her? How could he possibly mean that much more?

It looks like this kid is getting the absolute best of her. That she's so wildly in love with him that she's doing whatever she can to make this ridiculous long distance relationship work, that she would never do anything to hurt him.

Or maybe that's just a stupid narrative I've created? Maybe she really does have issues. I mean a lot of people have said that, and not just family or friends that will say things like that to make you feel better, a lot of people on different forums have said she's got some mental/emotional problems. And I try to tell myself that too many people have pointed to that for it not to be true. And if that is true, she hasn't done any work on herself because she doesn't even know she has problems and therefore the same pattern will play out and this kid is no different. I mean jeez it was just back in August she was dating somebody else, while sleeping with this boat servant guy for a week behind the other dudes back, took the other dude on a family vacation when she got home, then blindside dumped him stating 2 of the same exact things she said to me as reasons for ending it with him. Then a month later starts this relationship. That wasn't that long ago at all that she was being shady with guys and blindside dumping somebody partly because "he always did what she wanted to do". That was 6 months ago. She hasn't changed at all.

I'm trying to remain focused on myself as much as possible though. And I am excited about the stuff that I'm doing these days. But yea I think about her, I wake up and always think about how I used to wake up with her wrapped around me, I think about what happened, I think about what's happening now

Submitted February 14, 2020 at 11:51PM

I have no idea if this girl is pretty much normal and despite her words and actions of love and commitment she just suddenly realized her feelings weren't there, she didn't love me enough anymore, whatever it may have been that she felt she had to break up with me. Or if this girl really does have issues and there is absolutely nothing I could have done and no matter what she did or I did or anything that could have happened between us, the relationship would have ended.Seeing that this girl was my first relationship, I've never experienced such sudden changes with a significant other before, but more telling for me is I've never heard of it happening to any of my friends either. I went into it thinking she was just another nice, sweet, normal girl. I just thought we had a rare connection and such a great time together and that's what explained things moving rather quickly and all the expressions/actions of affection/love.Not that I was looking for a relationship when I met her but I was thinking about this today. Prior to her, I never looked at girls I was talking to or hooking up with from the lens of "hmm is this girl relationship material? is the way she's acting/the things she's doing/the things she's saying, indicative of a good girlfriend?". I just didn't think anything of the women in my life. For me, it was fun, it was sex, it was entertaining, etc. I wasn't evaluating. Especially when I think about girls that had boyfriends or were seeing somebody or girls that I knew slept around, I wasn't thinking "wow this girl is messed up, this girl is not relationship material". I didn't think at all, but if I had to guess what my subconscious was registering it was probably something along the lines of "heh I just got laid. she's hot. that was cool."But maybe if I had thought a bit more about the situation with this girl, I would have avoided her from the get go. We slept together casually multiple times, which hey I'm all for sleep with who you want, but I have 3 sisters and some friends that are girls, when the girls that I know are looking for a relationship, they don't just give it up so easily. Then when she was "hooking up" with this kid I knew for about 3-4 weeks, she slept with me. Sure they weren't official, but I know they were hanging out once or twice a week, probably talking pretty often, and she slept with me. Maybe another indicator for not relationship material? Then she started "dating" some guy from out of town for about a month or month and a half. We saw each other, hooked up but didn't sleep together and even made plans for our first date. She wound up cancelling those plans because she wanted to end things with the other guy first and he was coming for an already planned visit, but still, she's seeing somebody for a month or so and hooks up with me and makes plans with me behind this guys back. Probably should have been another red flag to me right?Instead of seeing those things as red flags though, I thought she was a nice normal sweet girl. I knew she had one or two serious boyfriends in high school. And I knew she had just ended things with her boyfriend of 3-3.5 years about 8 months earlier. So my thoughts were, she's the type of girl that prefers a relationship, knows how to be in one and maintain one and what it all entails. All the stuff I just wrote in the paragraph above was all due to this amazing connection and I was basically the chosen one that she just couldn't stay away from, wanted to be with more than anybody, that she was just so damn into me nobody could compare and she had to be with me.One thing that is bothering me SOOOO much right now, and I know this may come off as immature or petty, but understand it's really more a matter of what this means in our times and generation... We dated twice, had a handful of times together in between relationships, every time we did something I planned out such fun cool unique dates and she always said how I spoiled her and she has the best time with me, texting me in the middle of the night how much she loves me, writing me a love poem, all of that, and I'm pretty sure she never posted anything of me or us on social media. Now she's dating this new fucking kid for a couple of months, he's living with her the last month, and she's posted a whole bunch of stuff of him and them together, and the real kick in the nuts was obviously seeing what she posted today (I know I shouldn't have checked but I just had to know, I must enjoy the pain or something). It's like what is she so much more in love and crazy about this guy than she ever were me? Why didn't she want the world to know about me but she's posting things of her and this new guy all over the place? Did I mean so little to her? How could he possibly mean that much more?It looks like this kid is getting the absolute best of her. That she's so wildly in love with him that she's doing whatever she can to make this ridiculous long distance relationship work, that she would never do anything to hurt him.Or maybe that's just a stupid narrative I've created? Maybe she really does have issues. I mean a lot of people have said that, and not just family or friends that will say things like that to make you feel better, a lot of people on different forums have said she's got some mental/emotional problems. And I try to tell myself that too many people have pointed to that for it not to be true. And if that is true, she hasn't done any work on herself because she doesn't even know she has problems and therefore the same pattern will play out and this kid is no different. I mean jeez it was just back in August she was dating somebody else, while sleeping with this boat servant guy for a week behind the other dudes back, took the other dude on a family vacation when she got home, then blindside dumped him stating 2 of the same exact things she said to me as reasons for ending it with him. Then a month later starts this relationship. That wasn't that long ago at all that she was being shady with guys and blindside dumping somebody partly because "he always did what she wanted to do". That was 6 months ago. She hasn't changed at all.I'm trying to remain focused on myself as much as possible though. And I am excited about the stuff that I'm doing these days. But yea I think about her, I wake up and always think about how I used to wake up with her wrapped around me, I think about what happened, I think about what's happening now