Am I overthinking?

Hey y’all!

I had a question about a guy in my life. I’ve been talking to him for 7 months now. He’s become a large part of my life and I truly care about him. We talk about what’s going on in our lives and we help each other through it and give positive affirmations. We’re not together, but we act like it sometimes. He told me in the beginning that he has a lot going on and that he can’t do anything serious at the moment and to give him time. We’ve sat down to really talk about it so that I can understand why. He really does have a lot going on (which I can’t write because it’ll be too much). He also works 2 jobs and he’ll restart school soon because he wants to change careers. I get it because I’m going through a lot right now too, work full time, and currently working on my master’s. I haven’t tried pushing it. I’m just letting things happen as they come.

He knows my feelings for him and he’s told me that he feels the same. We talk every day. I see him whenever we can make time. I’m really beginning to fall for him and becoming attached because I’ve never vibed with anyone so well in my life. When we hang out, everything just seems right.

However, I’ve had bad experiences in my life where I’ve been played and truly hurt and treated like I’m only good for one thing. I’m deathly afraid of opening up to people because of it. It’s the same with him because he’s had bad experiences as well.

Whenever I become attached to someone, little things that remind me of my past trigger me and I react. Sometimes too much. It never affected me in the beginning, but now I overthink whether he’s telling the truth or not. The other night someone texted him while we were hanging out and he was on his phone texting back. He doesn’t usually do that. That triggered me to react and ask him if he’s lying or playing me. He said that I don’t have anything to worry about. He explained who he was texting (his ex asked if he had something of hers. Apparently they haven’t spoken in months). That I shouldn’t worry. But he did get angry and wanted to sleep it off. I asked if we can talk about this another time and he said we will, but that he needed to sleep it off because he’s stressed from work and he wasn’t expecting me to react like that. He also said he shouldn’t have to explain who he’s talking to and if he has to text someone, it’s for a reason. I understand that. I’m usually not one to get on someone’s case for doing that, nor do I feel it’s ever necessary to look through someone’s phone. It’s their business.

For some reason because of my experiences, I did it for the first time and got on his case. I felt bad, but I was triggered into thinking he’s just another person who’ll play me. He’s the first person I’ve tried to date or whatever in a year, so this is actually a big deal for me. I’d rather be single than talk to multiple people for fun. That’s why I reacted. I wish I could have talked to him about it that night.

Another reason why the texting triggered me and because it was his ex is because there are a lot of female things at his house that’s been there for as long as I’ve known him. He said it’s his sister’s. It could be true, but I can never be sure. The last thing I want is to be a home wrecker and be played like that.

Another thing y’all need to know...I’ve already tried to end it 3 times because I let my overthinking get the best of me, but he asks me to stay every time and he doesn’t want to cut me out of his life. Because of my reaction, he told me that this is the 4th time I’ve overreacted over nothing. I have serious anxiety and it’s difficult for me to control it sometimes. However, I know we’re not together and I know that we’re in that weird gray area that I hate so much, so I technically don’t have any say in this.

My question is: does he seem to be telling the truth? Am I overthinking? Will he forgive me this time? Idk what to do...he’s honestly become my favorite person and it’ll kill me to lose him because a good person. I just feel like I keep fucking up.

Submitted February 15, 2020 at 12:15AM

Hey y’all!I had a question about a guy in my life. I’ve been talking to him for 7 months now. He’s become a large part of my life and I truly care about him. We talk about what’s going on in our lives and we help each other through it and give positive affirmations. We’re not together, but we act like it sometimes. He told me in the beginning that he has a lot going on and that he can’t do anything serious at the moment and to give him time. We’ve sat down to really talk about it so that I can understand why. He really does have a lot going on (which I can’t write because it’ll be too much). He also works 2 jobs and he’ll restart school soon because he wants to change careers. I get it because I’m going through a lot right now too, work full time, and currently working on my master’s. I haven’t tried pushing it. I’m just letting things happen as they come.He knows my feelings for him and he’s told me that he feels the same. We talk every day. I see him whenever we can make time. I’m really beginning to fall for him and becoming attached because I’ve never vibed with anyone so well in my life. When we hang out, everything just seems right.However, I’ve had bad experiences in my life where I’ve been played and truly hurt and treated like I’m only good for one thing. I’m deathly afraid of opening up to people because of it. It’s the same with him because he’s had bad experiences as well.Whenever I become attached to someone, little things that remind me of my past trigger me and I react. Sometimes too much. It never affected me in the beginning, but now I overthink whether he’s telling the truth or not. The other night someone texted him while we were hanging out and he was on his phone texting back. He doesn’t usually do that. That triggered me to react and ask him if he’s lying or playing me. He said that I don’t have anything to worry about. He explained who he was texting (his ex asked if he had something of hers. Apparently they haven’t spoken in months). That I shouldn’t worry. But he did get angry and wanted to sleep it off. I asked if we can talk about this another time and he said we will, but that he needed to sleep it off because he’s stressed from work and he wasn’t expecting me to react like that. He also said he shouldn’t have to explain who he’s talking to and if he has to text someone, it’s for a reason. I understand that. I’m usually not one to get on someone’s case for doing that, nor do I feel it’s ever necessary to look through someone’s phone. It’s their business.For some reason because of my experiences, I did it for the first time and got on his case. I felt bad, but I was triggered into thinking he’s just another person who’ll play me. He’s the first person I’ve tried to date or whatever in a year, so this is actually a big deal for me. I’d rather be single than talk to multiple people for fun. That’s why I reacted. I wish I could have talked to him about it that night.Another reason why the texting triggered me and because it was his ex is because there are a lot of female things at his house that’s been there for as long as I’ve known him. He said it’s his sister’s. It could be true, but I can never be sure. The last thing I want is to be a home wrecker and be played like that.Another thing y’all need to know...I’ve already tried to end it 3 times because I let my overthinking get the best of me, but he asks me to stay every time and he doesn’t want to cut me out of his life. Because of my reaction, he told me that this is the 4th time I’ve overreacted over nothing. I have serious anxiety and it’s difficult for me to control it sometimes. However, I know we’re not together and I know that we’re in that weird gray area that I hate so much, so I technically don’t have any say in this.My question is: does he seem to be telling the truth? Am I overthinking? Will he forgive me this time? Idk what to do...he’s honestly become my favorite person and it’ll kill me to lose him because a good person. I just feel like I keep fucking up.