My body physically recoils when I am touched or during sex and I don’t know what to do about it.

I’m 18F and it is really bothering me to the point where I cry about it. I love the idea of sex, I have things that turn me on. I love masturbation. It’s not that I have no sexual feeling, but whenever I am touched by a guy I physically recoil. I don’t do it consciously and I don’t know why it happens but even when someone kisses me I instinctively lunge away.

When I lost my virginity the foreplay he did on me did nothing and when I was giving head he told me after a few mins to give up because I just wasn’t getting it. The whole time my brain was screaming at me that it was wrong. When he ate me out I just...felt nothing and he got upset about that. I tried to fake and orgasm to get it over with and he was not impressed. I wasn’t wet so during intercourse it hurt and I was physically shaking throughout. He kept offering to stop but I said he could just finish. He did and then left and blocked me and said I was weird. I hate it because was physically attracted to him but it didn’t...work physically? It’s hard to explain.

The other sexual experience I had was similar. He he had to stop during intercourse because I was physically shaking during it (Like properly shaking, and not in an aroused way. It was like my body was terrified) and he said it made him feel like he was forcing himself on me and it was uncomfortable for him.

I hate that this happens. I just want to be normal and enjoy sex like everybody else. There’s guys who I enjoy talking to and I get on with them but then whenever they begin to flirt I freak out. I’ve agreed to hookup with a guy on Saturday and I’d dreading it because I know it’ll be the same.

I don’t know why it happens and I could honestly just fucking give up. I’m seriously starting to wonder if I’m lesbian or I have repressed memories of SA as a child.



Submitted February 20, 2020 at 11:50PM

I’m 18F and it is really bothering me to the point where I cry about it. I love the idea of sex, I have things that turn me on. I love masturbation. It’s not that I have no sexual feeling, but whenever I am touched by a guy I physically recoil. I don’t do it consciously and I don’t know why it happens but even when someone kisses me I instinctively lunge away.When I lost my virginity the foreplay he did on me did nothing and when I was giving head he told me after a few mins to give up because I just wasn’t getting it. The whole time my brain was screaming at me that it was wrong. When he ate me out I just...felt nothing and he got upset about that. I tried to fake and orgasm to get it over with and he was not impressed. I wasn’t wet so during intercourse it hurt and I was physically shaking throughout. He kept offering to stop but I said he could just finish. He did and then left and blocked me and said I was weird. I hate it because was physically attracted to him but it didn’t...work physically? It’s hard to explain.The other sexual experience I had was similar. He he had to stop during intercourse because I was physically shaking during it (Like properly shaking, and not in an aroused way. It was like my body was terrified) and he said it made him feel like he was forcing himself on me and it was uncomfortable for him.I hate that this happens. I just want to be normal and enjoy sex like everybody else. There’s guys who I enjoy talking to and I get on with them but then whenever they begin to flirt I freak out. I’ve agreed to hookup with a guy on Saturday and I’d dreading it because I know it’ll be the same.I don’t know why it happens and I could honestly just fucking give up. I’m seriously starting to wonder if I’m lesbian or I have repressed memories of SA as a child.
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