I’m a victim of sexual assault and I had my first sexual (oral) experience and I think there’s something wrong with me.

I (16f) let my (16m) boyfriend go down on me. It was my first time ever. It wasn’t bad. But it didn’t last long due to other circumstances.

A little backstory. So I was sexually assaulted when I was nine. It’s been hard for me to see people the same since and have any attraction at all. I did have a liking towards this one guy but he took advantage of me and didn’t even care when I told him about my past beforehand. In fact he pressured me into stuff that I don’t wanna mention. My current SO is my first real boyfriend. And my god is he perfect. Literally everything I could ask for. But there’s one thing. Our relationship is a secret due to the fact that his family is strictly Jehovah’s Witness and doesn’t allow him to date. And if they found out about us they would kick him out and he would be disfellowshipped and disowned completely. Despite the circumstances he still wanted to date me. It’s now been four months and we are really happy. I told him about my past and he’s been taking it slow and respecting my boundaries. He’s the first person I’ve wanted/felt comfortable to touch me since being assaulted. I can’t see him outside of school much so today I stayed home and snuck him over. We were cuddling and things escalated and he asked if I would let him go down on me. I was really scared and he was reassuring the whole time but my body started shaking when he started and it wasn’t from pleasure. He asked if he should stop and I told him it was okay but I couldn’t stop shaking. I think there’s something wrong with me. I wanted him to do it. Idk I think I’m just messed up.



Submitted February 20, 2020 at 11:45PM

I (16f) let my (16m) boyfriend go down on me. It was my first time ever. It wasn’t bad. But it didn’t last long due to other circumstances.A little backstory. So I was sexually assaulted when I was nine. It’s been hard for me to see people the same since and have any attraction at all. I did have a liking towards this one guy but he took advantage of me and didn’t even care when I told him about my past beforehand. In fact he pressured me into stuff that I don’t wanna mention. My current SO is my first real boyfriend. And my god is he perfect. Literally everything I could ask for. But there’s one thing. Our relationship is a secret due to the fact that his family is strictly Jehovah’s Witness and doesn’t allow him to date. And if they found out about us they would kick him out and he would be disfellowshipped and disowned completely. Despite the circumstances he still wanted to date me. It’s now been four months and we are really happy. I told him about my past and he’s been taking it slow and respecting my boundaries. He’s the first person I’ve wanted/felt comfortable to touch me since being assaulted. I can’t see him outside of school much so today I stayed home and snuck him over. We were cuddling and things escalated and he asked if I would let him go down on me. I was really scared and he was reassuring the whole time but my body started shaking when he started and it wasn’t from pleasure. He asked if he should stop and I told him it was okay but I couldn’t stop shaking. I think there’s something wrong with me. I wanted him to do it. Idk I think I’m just messed up.
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