I (F) feel guilty that I can’t orgasm with my boyfriend

I’m young and my boyfriend is the first person I’ve done ANYTHING with. I love him so much and he is incredibly patient, caring, and understanding with me as I learn about my body, too.

But since being with him, I’ve faked my orgasms because I felt like I couldn’t and that I was broken, and I wanted to make him feel happy and fulfilled. He approached me about it about a month ago and I felt awful, but he wasn’t mad at me. He just wants both of us to have a good time together. I love him so much and I feel so awful that I lied to him and let him down.

Now I’m trying to figure out my body and it’s so hard to orgasm with my fingers (I understand his pain now). I learned to orgasm by rubbing against a chair with my clothes on with some markers underneath. I think I rub too hard because I can’t get off when my boyfriend rubs me, fingers me, eats me out, etc. So I’m going cold turkey on the chair rubbing to see if I can gain some of that sensitivity back. I read things on here that said to try a vibrator, so I got one and I got off with it (I should add that he is very understanding about me getting a vibrator). It was exciting, so I tried again shortly after... and I couldn’t do it.

I just feel so terrible. I want him to feel fulfilled, and I want to know what feels good to me, but I can’t seem to get there too often. I don’t know what the point of this post is, but I want to tell someone who isn’t my boyfriend how awful I feel about this situation. Orgasming always feels so stressful and I feel expectation from MYSELF to get off with him.

With all of this said, he has told me that he still has a great time with me and that he has no expectation with our sex life. He is extremely patient while I am not. I want to please him just as much as he wants to please me. And our sex is great. I have a great time every time, it feels wonderful. He tells me not to worry about it, and I want to not worry about it so badly.



Submitted February 20, 2020 at 11:49PM

I’m young and my boyfriend is the first person I’ve done ANYTHING with. I love him so much and he is incredibly patient, caring, and understanding with me as I learn about my body, too.But since being with him, I’ve faked my orgasms because I felt like I couldn’t and that I was broken, and I wanted to make him feel happy and fulfilled. He approached me about it about a month ago and I felt awful, but he wasn’t mad at me. He just wants both of us to have a good time together. I love him so much and I feel so awful that I lied to him and let him down.Now I’m trying to figure out my body and it’s so hard to orgasm with my fingers (I understand his pain now). I learned to orgasm by rubbing against a chair with my clothes on with some markers underneath. I think I rub too hard because I can’t get off when my boyfriend rubs me, fingers me, eats me out, etc. So I’m going cold turkey on the chair rubbing to see if I can gain some of that sensitivity back. I read things on here that said to try a vibrator, so I got one and I got off with it (I should add that he is very understanding about me getting a vibrator). It was exciting, so I tried again shortly after... and I couldn’t do it.I just feel so terrible. I want him to feel fulfilled, and I want to know what feels good to me, but I can’t seem to get there too often. I don’t know what the point of this post is, but I want to tell someone who isn’t my boyfriend how awful I feel about this situation. Orgasming always feels so stressful and I feel expectation from MYSELF to get off with him.With all of this said, he has told me that he still has a great time with me and that he has no expectation with our sex life. He is extremely patient while I am not. I want to please him just as much as he wants to please me. And our sex is great. I have a great time every time, it feels wonderful. He tells me not to worry about it, and I want to not worry about it so badly.
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