Unlearning negative views on dating from how I was raised

Hey everyone. So I’m (23F) having a bit of a hard time as of recently. I have minimal experience in the dating world and for a while had very specific views on how I was going to approach dating. That’s recently changed as I’ve been messaging this guy. It’s nothing serious just something new and I’ve kind of started realizing some things.

I won’t go into too much detail on him, but we met recently and he wanted to meet up to hangout. I pushed it off a bit wanting to get to know him some more. But throughout this whole process I’ve just started feeling so guilty and ashamed.

I didn’t think I was necessarily holding on to all of these negative messages about dating from when I was growing up. My family comes from a different culture and were always very strict when it came to dating/talking to guys. Although as I got older they became less strict. However there’s no way they can know about this guy or they will no longer trust me. It’ll change their whole perspective of me.

I’ve just been feeling so conflicted about it all. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m currently living at home, if I was on my own again I wouldn’t feel this way. I feel guilty about the fact that I have to hide it from them. But I don’t want to feel so guilty/ashamed about it. I know it’s a normal part of the human experience to get to know people and date them. How else do I expect to get married one day?

There’s no way I can even discuss this with them and if they ever find out it’s the end of the world basically. They wouldn’t understand my reasoning. But I know it’s something I need to do because how else am I going to get more comfortable with dating. I just keep feeling like what I’m doing is wrong... even though I know it’s not at the same time.

I just hate feeling like this. Any advice would be appreciated.



Submitted January 27, 2020 at 12:28AM

Hey everyone. So I’m (23F) having a bit of a hard time as of recently. I have minimal experience in the dating world and for a while had very specific views on how I was going to approach dating. That’s recently changed as I’ve been messaging this guy. It’s nothing serious just something new and I’ve kind of started realizing some things.I won’t go into too much detail on him, but we met recently and he wanted to meet up to hangout. I pushed it off a bit wanting to get to know him some more. But throughout this whole process I’ve just started feeling so guilty and ashamed.I didn’t think I was necessarily holding on to all of these negative messages about dating from when I was growing up. My family comes from a different culture and were always very strict when it came to dating/talking to guys. Although as I got older they became less strict. However there’s no way they can know about this guy or they will no longer trust me. It’ll change their whole perspective of me.I’ve just been feeling so conflicted about it all. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m currently living at home, if I was on my own again I wouldn’t feel this way. I feel guilty about the fact that I have to hide it from them. But I don’t want to feel so guilty/ashamed about it. I know it’s a normal part of the human experience to get to know people and date them. How else do I expect to get married one day?There’s no way I can even discuss this with them and if they ever find out it’s the end of the world basically. They wouldn’t understand my reasoning. But I know it’s something I need to do because how else am I going to get more comfortable with dating. I just keep feeling like what I’m doing is wrong... even though I know it’s not at the same time.I just hate feeling like this. Any advice would be appreciated.
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