My gf ignored our safeword but I feel bad for ruining the experience and I'm confused. (16F, 17F)

I don't want to say I was raped because I don't feel like it's fair for me to say that when I consented to it at first, but I feel like I was taken advantage of.

My gf and I have been experimenting for 2 months or so and she wanted to try something a bit more extreme I guess? It felt extreme to me but it probably wasn't. I'll call her G for the post.

A few days ago, G's parents were away for the night so she asked me to stay at her house. She asked me and we texted for a bit about what we'd do and I ended up agreeing to let her tie my wrists and whatnot to the bed but if I said red we would stop immediately.

When I got to hers we watched a movie in her room and kissed and warmed up a bit. I was feeling nervous but she asked if I was alright and I said yes. Once we started she had tied my wrists to the bed head above my head and it was a little tight but she said that was how it was meant to be. (To quickly clarify, I have anxiety and I freak out or get uncomfortable in some situations I shouldn't) She started just kissing and touching me and I liked it a little but I didn't enjoy being restrained, but I let her keep going because I didn't want to ruin something she liked.

It was when G started to give me oral that I got uncomfortable and I asked her if we could stop and try again later. I get that this was my fault because I forgot to use the safeword so she probably just thought I was playing or something and she said "not yet." I said the safeword and told her I didn't feel good about it and that I didn't want to keep doing it, then I asked her to take the ties off and she just said that since we'd started I should at least let her finish and she kept going for at least a minute or so before she stopped because I was crying.

I couldn't go back home without a reason so I stayed there for the night and I just felt weird and unsafe and I felt bad for giving G permission then ruining it but I also felt like she hadn't taken me seriously when I was telling her I didn't like what she was doing.

Was I in the wrong here? I feel upset and like she did the wrong thing but I don't want to bring it up if I'm just feeling like this over something that was my fault or isnt meant to be a big issue.

Submitted January 27, 2020 at 12:13AM

I don't want to say I was raped because I don't feel like it's fair for me to say that when I consented to it at first, but I feel like I was taken advantage of.My gf and I have been experimenting for 2 months or so and she wanted to try something a bit more extreme I guess? It felt extreme to me but it probably wasn't. I'll call her G for the post.A few days ago, G's parents were away for the night so she asked me to stay at her house. She asked me and we texted for a bit about what we'd do and I ended up agreeing to let her tie my wrists and whatnot to the bed but if I said red we would stop immediately.When I got to hers we watched a movie in her room and kissed and warmed up a bit. I was feeling nervous but she asked if I was alright and I said yes. Once we started she had tied my wrists to the bed head above my head and it was a little tight but she said that was how it was meant to be. (To quickly clarify, I have anxiety and I freak out or get uncomfortable in some situations I shouldn't) She started just kissing and touching me and I liked it a little but I didn't enjoy being restrained, but I let her keep going because I didn't want to ruin something she liked.It was when G started to give me oral that I got uncomfortable and I asked her if we could stop and try again later. I get that this was my fault because I forgot to use the safeword so she probably just thought I was playing or something and she said "not yet." I said the safeword and told her I didn't feel good about it and that I didn't want to keep doing it, then I asked her to take the ties off and she just said that since we'd started I should at least let her finish and she kept going for at least a minute or so before she stopped because I was crying.I couldn't go back home without a reason so I stayed there for the night and I just felt weird and unsafe and I felt bad for giving G permission then ruining it but I also felt like she hadn't taken me seriously when I was telling her I didn't like what she was doing.Was I in the wrong here? I feel upset and like she did the wrong thing but I don't want to bring it up if I'm just feeling like this over something that was my fault or isnt meant to be a big issue.