Post traumatic attachment?

I'm pretty new to this whole reddit thing so I apologize in advance if this isn't the appropriate place to post this, but I have an issue I feel like I can't talk about with many people irl. So I have taken to the forums of the interwebs in hopes of getting any kind of insight to help me.

The gist of my story is last fall I (25 M) experienced something pretty traumatic, and one of my good friends (23 F) really helped me get through it. The issue now is that I find myself really attracted to her, but she has a boyfriend that she's been seeing for a while, so I'm left to stew with these thoughts on my own. At the time of the incident we had been friends for over a year, and we were already tight to begin with, however I never saw her as more than a friend. I'm not even sure if the title of this post is even a real psychological term, but idk if that's what I'm experiencing or if I genuinely love this girl now. The first month or so immediately following the incident I had struggled with these feelings, but they gradually waned. But for some reason the past couple weeks they've come back stronger than ever, and it's bothering me tremendously. The amount of empathy, love, and compassion she showed to me trying to help me following my traumatic incident showed me how incredibly beautiful she is on the inside. Don't get me wrong, she's beautiful on the outside too, but that's not enough to get me to like someone like that. I have no issues with her boyfriend; he's a great dude and I wish nothing but the best for both of them as a couple, and I don't want to come between them at all. I know the mature and right thing to do is accept that we're just friends and move on. But it still leaves me to deal with all these thoughts in my head that I need to work through. Is this something I should speak to her about? Or continue to deal with on my own? I personally don't think so, but I truly appreciate any insight you have for me, reddit. Much love

tldr: friend helped me through a traumatic incident and now I find myself attracted to her but she has a boyfriend and I don't know how to deal with these feelings on my own



Submitted January 27, 2020 at 12:16AM

I'm pretty new to this whole reddit thing so I apologize in advance if this isn't the appropriate place to post this, but I have an issue I feel like I can't talk about with many people irl. So I have taken to the forums of the interwebs in hopes of getting any kind of insight to help me.The gist of my story is last fall I (25 M) experienced something pretty traumatic, and one of my good friends (23 F) really helped me get through it. The issue now is that I find myself really attracted to her, but she has a boyfriend that she's been seeing for a while, so I'm left to stew with these thoughts on my own. At the time of the incident we had been friends for over a year, and we were already tight to begin with, however I never saw her as more than a friend. I'm not even sure if the title of this post is even a real psychological term, but idk if that's what I'm experiencing or if I genuinely love this girl now. The first month or so immediately following the incident I had struggled with these feelings, but they gradually waned. But for some reason the past couple weeks they've come back stronger than ever, and it's bothering me tremendously. The amount of empathy, love, and compassion she showed to me trying to help me following my traumatic incident showed me how incredibly beautiful she is on the inside. Don't get me wrong, she's beautiful on the outside too, but that's not enough to get me to like someone like that. I have no issues with her boyfriend; he's a great dude and I wish nothing but the best for both of them as a couple, and I don't want to come between them at all. I know the mature and right thing to do is accept that we're just friends and move on. But it still leaves me to deal with all these thoughts in my head that I need to work through. Is this something I should speak to her about? Or continue to deal with on my own? I personally don't think so, but I truly appreciate any insight you have for me, reddit. Much lovetldr: friend helped me through a traumatic incident and now I find myself attracted to her but she has a boyfriend and I don't know how to deal with these feelings on my own
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