I (20F) feel I'm needy when I want to see my boyfriend (20M)

We've been together for almost 2 years and he was my first relationship. I'm still trying to figure out somethings within relationships and how they work.

I had a big crush on him throughiut high school and he eventually asked me out. At the beginning of our relationship he was not the best boyfriend, he would say I'm too needy, too horny, etc. It killed my confidence and stopped initiating sex or even asking to see each other. I would wait for him to hold my hand, kiss me, etc. It was not a healthy relationship but everything has gotten better so I'm glad I stuck it out. I am a person that gets comforted from touch, I'm a touchy geeky person with those I care about, but I do understand personal space and understand people can need a break from me.

Unfortunately I started school with a part time job and he got a new job with high stress so our relationship has been pretty strained lately. We only see each other one or 2 times a week on the weekends so talking other than calling or text is minimal. Before I began college and he began his job we'd see each other about 5 times a week.

Since there was a large decline of time spent together I've tried making more time available, doing homework earierl, having certain days off, and making nice dinners that he can join me/me and my family with. I've invited him to them and every time he has an excuse such as him being too tired, too lazy or feeling too cranky. In the last 4 month's he's come to 1 dinner for an hour. He ate and left again then complained later about how he missed me. He does this frequently. I pointed out to him that he just ate and left and could've stayed longer and all he said was "I know..."

This past weekend I got the morning shifts, was off at 2 PM so we could spend more time together. We each had Thursday and Friday off, and he always gets weekends off. We saw each other for a little bit on Thanksgiving and spent some of Friday with each other shopping. Saturday he got the flu and it was understandable he didn't want to get me sick. I offered to take care of him Saturday, but he declined which I was kinda bummed because we had to cancel our plans but I understood. He felt completely better Sunday other than a headache and I offered for him to come to dinner just me and him, he told me he was too lazy to come drive 5 minutes to my house. He uses this excuse a lot, for sex, seeing each other, or even making himself food. It irritates the heck out of me. Also when I ask him he Just responds with "I don't know" or "Maybe" when I just want an answer so I can prepare myself. I understand I can be too much and need to try to reign myself in, but at the same time he says I should be myself whenever I'm around him. Wanting to see him and be with him and all of that stuff is me.

From my experience with him saying I'm needy and too horny I get extremely nervous and scared asking to see him or to have sex. I feel I shouldnt be and I'm trying to fix that. But the rejection time and time again makes me feel like I'm trying more than he is. Or that I am truly too needy and him and I eventually moving in together won't work out. It feels we can only see each other when he wants to, but I feel a relationship is supposed to be equal. I see him and do things with him when somedays I just want to stay at home. I want to make him happy, and its not like I'm dreading seeing him when I want to have a more chill day. I love seeing him. But I feel it should be reciprocated and I shouldn't be rejected as much as I am.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change myself if I am too needy. I understand work is hard but when I was working 50+hours a week in the summer he still expected me to come see him after work when he didnt have a job. I just feel kinda hurt being put second in his life after laziness.

What can I do? I don't want to break up with him. I need real advice with this. I want this relationship to work and to try to discuss this but is it me thats the problem? Is it him? Is it both of us? What can we/I do to fix this?

TL;DR! My boyfriend and I, together almost 2 years, used to see each other lots and then life got crazy. He is my first boyfriend and I still don't understand some things in relationships. We see each other twice a week tops but I make time for him and invite him to things throughout the week such as dinners. A problem I have is the rejection I continuously recieve from him for excuses such as he is too lazy. He used to call me too needy and it gives me anxiety asking to see him now. I feel we are not valuing eachother the same but I don't know if that's my neediness or not. Who is it that's causing the problem and how can we fix this?

Submitted December 03, 2019 at 12:41AM

We've been together for almost 2 years and he was my first relationship. I'm still trying to figure out somethings within relationships and how they work.I had a big crush on him throughiut high school and he eventually asked me out. At the beginning of our relationship he was not the best boyfriend, he would say I'm too needy, too horny, etc. It killed my confidence and stopped initiating sex or even asking to see each other. I would wait for him to hold my hand, kiss me, etc. It was not a healthy relationship but everything has gotten better so I'm glad I stuck it out. I am a person that gets comforted from touch, I'm a touchy geeky person with those I care about, but I do understand personal space and understand people can need a break from me.Unfortunately I started school with a part time job and he got a new job with high stress so our relationship has been pretty strained lately. We only see each other one or 2 times a week on the weekends so talking other than calling or text is minimal. Before I began college and he began his job we'd see each other about 5 times a week.Since there was a large decline of time spent together I've tried making more time available, doing homework earierl, having certain days off, and making nice dinners that he can join me/me and my family with. I've invited him to them and every time he has an excuse such as him being too tired, too lazy or feeling too cranky. In the last 4 month's he's come to 1 dinner for an hour. He ate and left again then complained later about how he missed me. He does this frequently. I pointed out to him that he just ate and left and could've stayed longer and all he said was "I know..."This past weekend I got the morning shifts, was off at 2 PM so we could spend more time together. We each had Thursday and Friday off, and he always gets weekends off. We saw each other for a little bit on Thanksgiving and spent some of Friday with each other shopping. Saturday he got the flu and it was understandable he didn't want to get me sick. I offered to take care of him Saturday, but he declined which I was kinda bummed because we had to cancel our plans but I understood. He felt completely better Sunday other than a headache and I offered for him to come to dinner just me and him, he told me he was too lazy to come drive 5 minutes to my house. He uses this excuse a lot, for sex, seeing each other, or even making himself food. It irritates the heck out of me. Also when I ask him he Just responds with "I don't know" or "Maybe" when I just want an answer so I can prepare myself. I understand I can be too much and need to try to reign myself in, but at the same time he says I should be myself whenever I'm around him. Wanting to see him and be with him and all of that stuff is me.From my experience with him saying I'm needy and too horny I get extremely nervous and scared asking to see him or to have sex. I feel I shouldnt be and I'm trying to fix that. But the rejection time and time again makes me feel like I'm trying more than he is. Or that I am truly too needy and him and I eventually moving in together won't work out. It feels we can only see each other when he wants to, but I feel a relationship is supposed to be equal. I see him and do things with him when somedays I just want to stay at home. I want to make him happy, and its not like I'm dreading seeing him when I want to have a more chill day. I love seeing him. But I feel it should be reciprocated and I shouldn't be rejected as much as I am.I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change myself if I am too needy. I understand work is hard but when I was working 50+hours a week in the summer he still expected me to come see him after work when he didnt have a job. I just feel kinda hurt being put second in his life after laziness.What can I do? I don't want to break up with him. I need real advice with this. I want this relationship to work and to try to discuss this but is it me thats the problem? Is it him? Is it both of us? What can we/I do to fix this?TL;DR! My boyfriend and I, together almost 2 years, used to see each other lots and then life got crazy. He is my first boyfriend and I still don't understand some things in relationships. We see each other twice a week tops but I make time for him and invite him to things throughout the week such as dinners. A problem I have is the rejection I continuously recieve from him for excuses such as he is too lazy. He used to call me too needy and it gives me anxiety asking to see him now. I feel we are not valuing eachother the same but I don't know if that's my neediness or not. Who is it that's causing the problem and how can we fix this?