How do I let a manipulator down easily? FWB fiasco update.

I cant believe the situation I am in. This is so bizarre... I posted asking if anyone thought my FWB was being manipulative yesterday. Holy hell was she ever.. but not the way I thought.

So I finally broke down and talked to her freind again last night.. she reiterated that nothing has changed.. her and her husband are together according to the world.. in her mind its over.. but she still lives with him, and still interacts with his family. They are a couple to everyone but her (depending who shes talking too)

I was cheated on and my wife left me.. and this is why I am now single. I knew she was married, and so was I. I had to know I wasn't going to be the other man.. I couldn't be a home wrecker. That goes completely against my character. She explained to me they are seperated, and he lives at his parents house or sleeps on the couch if he stays around to be with the kids. I asked her if he seen us out in public.. how would he react.. she said he would be fine with it.

Well her friend.. got me in touch with the husband.. because she wanted him to know she was lying to me and vilifying him. I was nervous I said no. I will not reach out to him... he can reach out to me.. that way I know he knows what hes getting into. He added me on snap. I was floored.. I felt terrible I felt I was going to ruin this guys life... but he knew everything and was completely okay with everything.. I swore to secrecy that I would not tell her I talked to them.. and they will deny it and take it to their grave. I respect their wishes.. but reddita okay right?

Here is why he didnt mind... it's an open relationship. He discovered she was sleeping around on him... not an affair but multiple random hookups. They discussed it and determined they loved eachother and would work on it.. they did. One time during sex she asked him if he would like her to be with other men.. and he liked it the idea. I'm not going much deeper than that on this arrangement. This is their business. He was aware and he claims he has zero issues with it.

So she had been with other men during this time.. multiple.. lots.. estimates in the triple digits. I dont care about this.. I knew she had lots of partners and was hypersexual. I accepted that. However, this eventually led to emotional affairs. This he had a problem with, and ultimately he felt that this was not part of their agreement. Those all fizzled and faded.. many of these guys worked at the same company and it turned the company upside down when they all found out they werent the only ones.

So they continue working on things the affairs ended but she was still sleeping around, and hes still okay with it. This is where I come into play. Unbeknown to me that this was a couple endeavor at the time.. I probably would have been okay with it.. had I known he was okay with it. I was just looking for a FWB at the time. That's what I needed after my marriage ended.

We had fun, dated a lot. She felt very comfortable with me. We hooked up a few times.. which he knew about. He and her were having sex still at this time even.

Shortly after our night together, she told him she was no longer comfortable with him being in bed with her.. since August they have not had sex and he has not been in his marital bed since.

He told me, she is a pathological liar. Lies about everything. Things she doesnt even need to lie about. Where we ate dinner, what move we saw. Also lies about sexual partners.. she just lies.. to feel like she's in control. This non ethical non monogamy at it's best.

He does not believe she is having sex with anyone else. So she was telling the truth to me.. but she also talking to 10 guys at once. Her friend thinks otherwise, and that shes still sleeping with multiple people.. her husband and I legitimately just don't think he has the time to do so right now... and she usually tells him when she does. Him and her both agree on the LAST time they know she did.. which was about a month ago.

Her husband has since adopted a polyamorous mindset, feels good about where he is. Has another partner he confides in and claims he is okay. The dude wants me to continue dating her, having sex, and even a relationship if that's what me and her want.. he believes it will be good for her and hes okay with it.. I wont lie.. I debated it.. but I know I cant. She lied to me. Shes not the woman I loved as my best friend. Probaly about 90% of what was said was true.. but that 10% was a BIG lie and very manipulative in nature. She had no excusable reason to lie.. and I want to be someone's "fuck yes" as it was mentioned to me. Ending this is not as easy as it should be.

So.. heres where I need help. It was very clear to me I just need to say good bye and NOT give a reason so she doesnt manipulate me.. like she has before... but her husband is more or less begging me NOT to do that because she will have a melt down.. its a terrible time of year for her. Her mama who raised her (her grandmother) died December 14th and it messes her up bad this time of year. She has kids.. and hes afraid she may do something drastic (she has before).. she has told me this since we met. So I know its legit. I'm looking for a way to let her down easy.

How can I let her down easy? Without her knowing everything I know.

I thought about giving her the opportunity to come clean.. but her husband and her friend dont think she will.. and it wouldn't change anything for me regardless. I know coming clean helped my wife immensely. It's what started her to heal. I feel I can get her too purge it.. without letting her know how much I know.

What. A. Fucking. Mess.

Submitted December 07, 2019 at 12:02AM

I cant believe the situation I am in. This is so bizarre... I posted asking if anyone thought my FWB was being manipulative yesterday. Holy hell was she ever.. but not the way I thought.So I finally broke down and talked to her freind again last night.. she reiterated that nothing has changed.. her and her husband are together according to the world.. in her mind its over.. but she still lives with him, and still interacts with his family. They are a couple to everyone but her (depending who shes talking too)I was cheated on and my wife left me.. and this is why I am now single. I knew she was married, and so was I. I had to know I wasn't going to be the other man.. I couldn't be a home wrecker. That goes completely against my character. She explained to me they are seperated, and he lives at his parents house or sleeps on the couch if he stays around to be with the kids. I asked her if he seen us out in public.. how would he react.. she said he would be fine with it.Well her friend.. got me in touch with the husband.. because she wanted him to know she was lying to me and vilifying him. I was nervous I said no. I will not reach out to him... he can reach out to me.. that way I know he knows what hes getting into. He added me on snap. I was floored.. I felt terrible I felt I was going to ruin this guys life... but he knew everything and was completely okay with everything.. I swore to secrecy that I would not tell her I talked to them.. and they will deny it and take it to their grave. I respect their wishes.. but reddita okay right?Here is why he didnt mind... it's an open relationship. He discovered she was sleeping around on him... not an affair but multiple random hookups. They discussed it and determined they loved eachother and would work on it.. they did. One time during sex she asked him if he would like her to be with other men.. and he liked it the idea. I'm not going much deeper than that on this arrangement. This is their business. He was aware and he claims he has zero issues with it.So she had been with other men during this time.. multiple.. lots.. estimates in the triple digits. I dont care about this.. I knew she had lots of partners and was hypersexual. I accepted that. However, this eventually led to emotional affairs. This he had a problem with, and ultimately he felt that this was not part of their agreement. Those all fizzled and faded.. many of these guys worked at the same company and it turned the company upside down when they all found out they werent the only ones.So they continue working on things the affairs ended but she was still sleeping around, and hes still okay with it. This is where I come into play. Unbeknown to me that this was a couple endeavor at the time.. I probably would have been okay with it.. had I known he was okay with it. I was just looking for a FWB at the time. That's what I needed after my marriage ended.We had fun, dated a lot. She felt very comfortable with me. We hooked up a few times.. which he knew about. He and her were having sex still at this time even.Shortly after our night together, she told him she was no longer comfortable with him being in bed with her.. since August they have not had sex and he has not been in his marital bed since.He told me, she is a pathological liar. Lies about everything. Things she doesnt even need to lie about. Where we ate dinner, what move we saw. Also lies about sexual partners.. she just lies.. to feel like she's in control. This non ethical non monogamy at it's best.He does not believe she is having sex with anyone else. So she was telling the truth to me.. but she also talking to 10 guys at once. Her friend thinks otherwise, and that shes still sleeping with multiple people.. her husband and I legitimately just don't think he has the time to do so right now... and she usually tells him when she does. Him and her both agree on the LAST time they know she did.. which was about a month ago.Her husband has since adopted a polyamorous mindset, feels good about where he is. Has another partner he confides in and claims he is okay. The dude wants me to continue dating her, having sex, and even a relationship if that's what me and her want.. he believes it will be good for her and hes okay with it.. I wont lie.. I debated it.. but I know I cant. She lied to me. Shes not the woman I loved as my best friend. Probaly about 90% of what was said was true.. but that 10% was a BIG lie and very manipulative in nature. She had no excusable reason to lie.. and I want to be someone's "fuck yes" as it was mentioned to me. Ending this is not as easy as it should be.So.. heres where I need help. It was very clear to me I just need to say good bye and NOT give a reason so she doesnt manipulate me.. like she has before... but her husband is more or less begging me NOT to do that because she will have a melt down.. its a terrible time of year for her. Her mama who raised her (her grandmother) died December 14th and it messes her up bad this time of year. She has kids.. and hes afraid she may do something drastic (she has before).. she has told me this since we met. So I know its legit. I'm looking for a way to let her down easy.How can I let her down easy? Without her knowing everything I know.I thought about giving her the opportunity to come clean.. but her husband and her friend dont think she will.. and it wouldn't change anything for me regardless. I know coming clean helped my wife immensely. It's what started her to heal. I feel I can get her too purge it.. without letting her know how much I know.What. A. Fucking. Mess.