/u/OnlySpirit on Rant about asexuality and trauma

OP, I have many of the same feelings and experiences as you. I was sexually abused by several different people for most of my life, beginning as a child and continuing into adulthood. I don't think you need to wait until after you've "dealt" with the trauma to decide whether or not you want sex or if you are or aren't asexual. That's just offensive. I tell people all the time that sexual trauma can't make me *not* be attracted to someone. If the feelings aren't there, they aren't there. And to go one step further, even if sexual trauma *caused* asexuality, why is that by default such a bad thing? People act like sex in general is intrinsically a good thing and you should *try* to find every opportunity to identify as allo instead of ace - which is ridiculous and insulting. I don't think sex is anything intrinsically, it can be a good thing or a bad thing.

I've always craved physical and emotional intimacy, just not with someone who will "desire" me sexually. I suppose it's best to remember that if someone truly values you - as a human being - they're not going to treat you in any way that you find disrespectful. And if they do, they're not worth it. You deserve better. I have for the most part lost all faith in people, especially men, because men don't want anything to do with me unless they think it's going to lead to sex. I get hit on constantly no matter where I go and it's gotten to the point that I won't even talk to men anymore, and in the event that I have to (at the grocery store checkout or at a restaurant, for example), I've had to re-condition myself to emotionally close off and be as aloof as possible. Because any politeness like eye contact or smiling is taken as flirting for some reason.

That being said, I just met the kindest person I've ever met in my entire life a few weeks ago, in a dark corner of a nightclub after midnight, where he had every opportunity to hit on me, grope me, or otherwise just be a complete dick to me, and all he did was treat me with genuine kindness and respect. So there are decent people out there, but in my experience they're only like 1 in 5,000,000, or so it seems.

December 01, 2019 at 12:06AM