/u/Iokar1 on I need some help understanding sex-favorable asexuality

So, I consider myself a sex-favorable asexual and I have struggled with these questions you posted here for a long time! Thanks for bringing this up, I will tell you my take on this but I would also love to hear opinions from others too, as I'm still doubting.

Before having sex, I was a bit indifferent to it. I always had a high libido but I just wasn't attracted to anyone sexually hence I wasn't actively seeking to have sex with someone, or in general. There have been times during my relationships where I have enjoyed sex, some more and some less (depends on the partners and our communication, the situation etc).

I can go on explaining my journey and how I thought enjoying or even seeking sex out was a proof that I'm not asexual and all the doubt I've been through but I'll just tell you TL;DR version. What persuaded me that enjoying or initiating sex with someone is NOT sexual attraction (therefore I had a lack of it) were the reasons behind it. I enjoyed sex as a physical release and as an opportunity to please my partner. I am still unable to fantasize about people when masturbating and I need to be focused on the sensation during sex. On both occasions, focusing on a person just doesn't do it for me, I lose interest in the act.

On the other hand, I believe that sexual attraction is an involuntary process, person-focused and it's only ONE of the reasons people seek out sex with someone. In the case of allosexual couples the other reasons I mentioned before start playing a more important role in the willingness to engage in sexual acts that's why you notice that "they will say the same".

In my case, this factor is non existent, whereas in other people's mind it's the most important. For example, someone participating in a one night stand does it mainly out of sexual attraction and need for physical release. This is something that I, as an asexual lacking sexual attraction to people, would never want.

I hope these examples clear it up a bit!





December 01, 2019 at 12:21AM
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